Anonymous A started this discussion 6 years ago#91,101
Bert was doing everything in his power to assure he looked his absolute best. New boots, new blue jeans, a haircut, and his best button up shirt. Today was his opportunity to possibly become gainfully employed for the first time in nearly 5 years, and he intended to make the most of it
"Where are you going, Bert?" The raspy voice of his elderly mother asked from the doorway. "i have an interview today mommy.." Bert responded, "hopefully next time you see me...i will be employed like a real man.."
Bert looked himself over in the mirror one last time, before walking past his mother and out the door. "Good luck, little Berty, mommy's big responsible boy." Bert's mother said encouragingly as he walked out the door. "luck has nothing to do with it, mommy...i am all that is man.. yep.."
With that, Bert was out the door, and on his way to the rest of his life.
toni !RwordOooFE joined in and replied with this 6 years ago, 2 minutes later[^][v]#1,036,609
good. yes
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 6 years ago, 29 minutes later, 31 minutes after the original post[^][v]#1,036,627
Bert drove his mother's car to the interview, and walked to the front door of the building. He took a deep breath, and put his best smile on, walking into the building.
Catherine was sitting behind the reception desk, "How may I help you?" she asked with a smile on her face. "i am here...for an interview with management, sweet cheeks.." Bert responded, trying to hide his boner.
"Just a moment." Catherine responded, picking up the phone from the receiver. "Management will be right with you." Catherine informed Bert. "thank you...beautiful.." Bert responded, still fighting with his boner.
He sat in a nearby chair, waiting for management to see him. He could not take his eyes off Catherine, he was not even aware of the fact his hand had found its way into his blue jeans.
At that time, Mark came into the room. "Ummmmm. Mr.Bert?" Mark said with a tone of disgust in his voice. Bert suddenly became aware of the fact his hand was in his blue jeans, and stood up embarassed, removing his hand from his pants.
"yes...yes..i am here for the interview.." Bert said, putting his hand out to shake Mark's. Mark looked at the hand, and said "Let's go to my office." Turning away from Bert, Mark led the way back to his office.
"off to a great start..." Bert thought to himself, hopeing Mark had not actually seen what he had been doing just seconds prior.
To be continued...
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU joined in and replied with this 6 years ago, 3 minutes later, 35 minutes after the original post[^][v]#1,036,628
Wow this is getting stickied too thanks.
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 6 years ago, 57 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#1,036,645
Walking into Mark's office, Bert was still shaking the embarrassment of the moments leading him to Mark's office. Mark sat behind his desk, and motioned to Bert, "Please take a seat" Mark said. Bert silently sat in the chair opposite Mark. "I've read your resume." Mark began "I must say, most applicants don't have such gaps in their employment. I also don't walk in on very many... Relieving themselves to Catherine."
Bert's fears had been realized, he quickly tried to recover from what Mark had seen. "i'm sorry about that..i do not know what came over me.." Bert said, trying to hide his embarrassment. "i hope i didn't ruin my chance at employment.." "Well," Mark said, "I don't think you are appropriate for the management position you applied for..." Bert was beginning to worry that he had blown his opportunity. "However, I do have a position for you, that may be a better fit." Mark stated, "We can't have you masturbating at female employees, by any means. I will have to let you go, if I catch you in such a situation again..."
With this, Bert lit up, "it won't happen again...i swear..i am sorry to put you in such an awkward position.." Bert said, "so...what position did you have in mind?" Mark sat back in his chair and looked Bert in the eyes, already regretting mentioning the position. "It is a job in the sanitation department," Mark started, "you will be expected to empty trash, mop floors, clean bathrooms, things of that nature." The light left Bert's eyes upon hearing this. "you want me to be a janitor..." Bert said, with a tone of defeat. "We prefer to call it "A master of the custodial arts" at this company." Mark said. "We are in desperate need of a new custodial arts master, and it is the only position I feel comfortable offering you at this time." Mark stated, "There is a chance for advancement, if you can prove to us you are hard working, and willing to fulfill the duties of this position."
Bert sat silently for a moment, contemplating the situation. Knowing he had not been employed in such a long time, he could understand Mark's apprehension in hiring him. Not to mention the situation with Catherine Mark had walked into... Maybe this was his chance to prove to Mark he was appropriate for the management position, however. After a few moments, Bert reluctantly accepted the offer. "You can start tomorrow." Mark started, "However, I will be letting HR know about the situation with Catherine, and you will be briefed on sexual harassment by our HR manager when you arrive tomorrow." Bert was still feeling a little defeated at this point, but happy Mark was willing to give him this opportunity. "Please be here at 7AM, tomorrow." Mark said, "Our HR manager, Becky, Will be waiting for you in the reception area at that time. Please do not make me regret this decision, Mr.Bert."
Bert sat straight up, and looked Mark in the eyes, "you will not regret this..i promise you that i will be the best custodial master you've ever had... yep.." Bert said. Bert stood, and put out his hand. Mark glanced down at it, walked around his desk, and patted Bert on his shoulder. "Good luck to you, Mr.Bert. I hope this will work out well for all of us." Mark led Bert back to the reception area, and bid him a final farewell for the day. "this is my chance.." Bert thought to himself, "i will not let Mark down.. even though i have to meet with HR to morrow...i hope becky is hot.."
To be continued...
(Edited 4 minutes later.)
Anonymous A (OP) double-posted this 6 years ago, 1 hour later, 2 hours after the original post[^][v]#1,036,675
Bert returned home after his interview. "How did your interview go, little baby Berty?" Bert's mother asked, as he walked in the door. "i did not get the management position I applied for.." Bert started, "however...they offered me another position in the company.." Bert's mother was overcome with joy, "That is great news! My little baby Berty is growing up!" Bert looked her in the eyes, and told her, "i have to meet with the HR manager tomorrow..there was an...incident.." Upon hearing this, the joy left Bert's mother. "What happened?", she asked him. "my hand somehow got into my blue jeans in the reception area..then the boss walked in..i don't know how it happened...the receptionist was just so damn...hot.."
Bert's mother shook her head, this wasn't the first time he had done something like this. "At least they are still going to give you a chance..." Bert's mother said, with a slight tone of disappointment. "i will not let it happen again.." Bert reassured his mother. "I will be as professional as possible.." His mother's eyes lit up a little, upon hearing this. "I know you will, precious baby Berty. Mommy loves you."
Bert went into the kitchen, for a Red Baron pizza and a celebratory epic five shot cocktail. "i can not let mommy down.." Bert thought to himself. "this is the last five shot cocktail she will pay for with her social security.." He assured himself, gulping the cocktail down in one swallow, while the oven was preheating. "i will make mommy proud.."
Bert removed the pizza from its box, and set it on a cookie sheet. He placed the pizza on the middle rack and eagerly awaited his coming meal. "i have to get plenty of rest for tomorrow..i will not let mommy down.."
Bert arrived at 6:30 the next morning, eager to prove himself to Mark. He smoked a Marlboro from his soft-pack, as he waited for the doors to be unlocked. "E-C-O that be my name, you know. Got all these fly hos, waiting to suck my dick fo sho." Bert heard someone rapping to them self, in a high pitched screechy voice, as they came up to the building. "Yo, you tha new custodial master?" The voice asked, as Bert turned around to see a small white guy wearing coveralls standing behind him. "yes...my name is bert.." Bert responded. "They call Cayenne Ryan, Ryan the Hawaiian, or just Eco, to my homies. I'm the senior Custodial master at this facility. Can I bum one of your ciggies?" He asked. Bert gave him one of his soft-pack Marlboros. "Thanks, homeboy!" Eco said, "Here's tha 411 on dis gig, You listen to me, and clean at a diligent pace, everything will be cool as ice. I open the doors at 7, but the managers usually show up a little before then, they got they own keys." Eco took a drag off his cigarette, "That lady in there is the HR manager, Becky."
Bert turned around to take a look at a woman he perceived to be one of the most beautiful he had seen. "so THAT is the HR manager.." Bert thought to himself. "this meeting shouldn't be so bad..."
To be continued...
(Edited 6 minutes later.)
Anonymous D joined in and replied with this 6 years ago, 5 hours later, 8 hours after the original post[^][v]#1,036,821
Hey, it's been 5 hours... When will this be continued?
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 6 years ago, 18 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[^][v]#1,036,822
7 AM came, and Eco unlocked the door. Bert walked inside, and was immediately greeted by Becky. "Hello Bert, I'm Becky." she began, "Mark tells me we had a bit of a situation yesterday." Bert could not take his gaze away from Becky, but he was fighting with all his strength to keep his hand out of his pants. "Yes," Bert said, "I lost control when I met the receptionist yesterday." Bert was still embarrassed by the incident, and felt shameful having to admit what happened to Becky.
At the back of his mind, however, Bert couldn't help but feel like Catherine wanted his sexual attention. If she didn't she would not have been dressed so sexy. Bert did not tell Becky this, however, this wasn't his first time dealing with HR. Even now, Becky was also dressed far too sexy, with her blazer, and ankle length skirt. Bert was fighting the urge to go that extra step to show her he meant business.
Becky was busy talking to Bert about why what he did was wrong, but Bert could not focus his attention on what she was saying. She was dressed far too sexy, Bert knew if he could just avoid the urge to pull her skirt down and show her how a true southern gentleman treats a lady, he could get to work and take his mind off of her. Becky handed him some pamphlets on sexual harassment, and Bert knew all to well that meant soon she would be done talking. It was a good thing he duct taped his penis that morning, or Becky would be staring down his swollen cock.
"If you ever have any questions about what is and isn't appropriate, please feel free to stop by my office." Becky finished, and thanked Bert for his time. "Please report to Mark's office, so he can point you to where you will be working today." With that, Becky turned away from Bert, and headed for her office. "i'm glad that is over..." Bert thought to himself.
Bert headed for Mark's office, and Mark was waiting at the door with two sets of coveralls, and Bert's first assignment. Gather the trash around the building, and take it to the dumpster, simple enough. Bert started at the top floor, and began gathering the trash. After about 15 minutes, Eco came upstairs. "Yo, Biz-ert. We gots a situation in the liz-adies riz-oom on the floor below us. I could use a hiz-and taking ciz-are of it." Eco informed Bert. With that, Bert parked his trash cart on the left side of the hallway, then Bert and Eco headed for the ladies room...
To be continued...
(Edited 1 minute later.)
Anonymous A (OP) double-posted this 6 years ago, 33 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#1,036,837
Bert and Eco entered the Bathroom, and began taking care of an over clogged toilet. One of the women had tried flushing her tampon down the toilet. Eco was unable to take care of the clog on his own. Bert had spent lots of time digging in ladies' toilets, so he was right at home with this new task. It should be taken care of, in no time.
At that point he heard the door open, and recognized Becky's voice. There was another voice he recognized... It was Catherine's! "those whores must be testing me..." Bert thought to himself. "if i slow down on fixing this, maybe i can avoid seeing them..." Bert thought, but at that moment, the toilet flushed. Bert knew this meant he had fixed the problem.
"Wiz-ay to giz-o, Biz-ert!" Eco said ecstatically. "I kniz-ew you was tha riz-ight miz-an for this jiz-ob!" Bert slowly stood and turned to walk out the door.
"there they are.." Bert thought to himself as Becky and Catherine came into view, "those sexy harlots want me to screw up..." Catherine was dressed even skimpier than Becky, with her Capri pants and Splatoon 2 T-shirt. "these sirens are trying to get me fired..." Bert thought to himself. Bert could not break his gaze on them, and could not even make out what they were talking about. At that point, he felt the tape loosening from his grundle...
"this is not good.." Bert thought. He knew soon the tape would give way, and he would be jobless again. "ummmmm... excuse me ladies.." Bert muttered sheepishly, and ran out of the restroom. Becky and Catherine looked at each other confused, neither of them had even acknowledged Bert. Bert ran back upstairs, and continued gathering trash. He did so quickly and stopped to relieve himself, while he was out by the dumpster. "good thing this dumpster is enclosed.." he thought to himself, feeling much better now that he had avoided that situation.
He couldn't help but wonder how long he would be able to keep this up, with so many sexy ladies around. He knew he just had to avoid doing anything rash. There couldn't be much time left in the day... He looked at his watch, 8:13 it read. Today was going to be a very long day...
To be continued...
Grover !rS0yiji4ic joined in and replied with this 6 years ago, 15 hours later, 1 day after the original post[^][v]#1,037,088
> Bert returned home after his interview. "How from his soft-pack, as he waited for the doors to be unlocked. "E-C-O that be my name, you know. Got all these fly hos, waiting to suck my dick fo sho." Bert heard someone rapping to them self, in a high pitched screechy voice, as they came up to the building. "Yo, you tha new custodial master?" The voice asked, as Bert turned around to see a small white guy wearing coveralls standing behind him. "yes...my name is bert.." Bert responded. "They call Cayenne Ryan, Ryan the Hawaiian, or just Eco, to my homies. I'm the senior Custodial master at this facility. Can I bum one of your ciggies?" He asked. Bert gave him one of his soft-pack Marlboros. "Thanks, homeboy!" Eco said, "Here's tha 411 on dis gig, You listen to me, and clean at a diligent pace, everything will be cool as ice. I open the doors at 7, but the managers usually show up a little before then, they got they own keys." Eco took a drag off his cigarette, "That lady in there is the HR manager, Becky." >
FUCK THIS STORY!
(Edited 1 minute later.)
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 6 years ago, 5 hours later, 1 day after the original post[^][v]#1,037,170
Eco met Bert immediately as he walked back in from the dumpster. "Yo Biz-ert" Eco began, "We need somebody to miz-op the riz-eception area. Apparently niz-ight criz-ew thinks the ain't gots to do shit." Bert knew this meant he would be around Catherine again, and it worried him a bit. "Diz-on't worry, briz-o." Eco said, "It wiz-on't be a hiz-ard jiz-ob. Around 11:30 you ciz-an come with my piz-artner and me to liz-unch." With that, Eco handed Bert a mop and a bucket, then left him to take care of the task at hand. Bert arrived at the reception area after preparing mop water, and was relieved to see it was currently empty.
"good.." Bert thought, "that skank isn't in here.." He began mopping, but was immediatly dumbstruck as Catherine returned with a girl he had not seen yet. She was dressed in cargo pants, combat boots with rainbow laces, and a plaid button down shirt.
"Great...another skimpy dressed whore.." Bert thought. "Bert, Bert, come over here, I want you to meet my friend!" Catherine exclaimed, after noticing Bert sheepishly mopping in the corner. Bert reluctantly walked over, "i know these skimpy dressed girls are just trying to ruin me..." Bert thought to himself as he approached the two.
"Bert, this is my friend, Triptych!" Catherine explained excitedly. "hello..." Bert said, with an heir of caution. Though he couldn't help but feel enticed by the girl he perceived to be small, innocent, and scantily clad. "do you work here, too.." Bert asked Triptych. "Nah dude, I'm just here visiting Cathy and Becky." Triptych replied nonchalantly.
Bert could tell she wanted him, despite her not showing any interest, perhaps even a little disgust. Bert knew she probably just wanted to look cool in front of her friend. "i need to finish mopping in here" Bert said, knowing watching him work would probably get her hot, "it was nice meeting you.."
Bert returned to mopping, the two girls laughed as he walked away. Bert wouldn't be dissuaded by such silly games. Bert kept one eye on them as he finished mopping, noticing that the girls would occasionally glance over at him. "those sluts must be so hot right now.." Bert thought to himself. Eventually Triptych walked out the door, saying bye to Catherine and mentioning something about returning to the site. Bert knew it wouldn't be the last time he saw her.
Bert looked at his watch, after finishing the job. 11:20 it read. "guess i should go find Eco.." Bert thought, leaving the reception area and heading for the janitorial office.
To be continued...
Dead !Pool..v42s joined in and replied with this 6 years ago, 20 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^][v]#1,037,176
Alright, I'll admit, this one I'm reading
Anonymous D replied with this 6 years ago, 36 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^][v]#1,037,185
@previous (Dead !Pool..v42s)
This would make for an excellent book. It's pretty funny.
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 6 years ago, 1 hour later, 1 day after the original post[^][v]#1,037,212
Bert came into the office and found Eco there, with a balding, sweaty man who appeared to be in his late fifties. "Yo, my boy Biz-ert!" Eco said "This be my biz-oyfriz-end, Grover. Bert could smell the sickly stench of body odor coming from Grover, as he put out his.
"Nice to meet you, Bert! My sweet boy toy tells me you're quite the handy man." Bert really did not want to touch Grover's hand, but he knew that behaviour was unbecoming of a true southern gentleman. "nice to meet you.." Bert said, shaking Grover's sticky hand. Bert knew this was a mistake, but he wasn't going to back out of a free lunch. "maybe we'll get Wendy's.." Bert thought to himself trying to fight off the utter disgust he felt just looking at these two.
"So, whiz-ere you niggas wanna grab some liz-unch?" Eco asked. Bert was about to respond with an emphatic Wendy's, but was cut-off by Grover. "Let's go Tom Cat Alley! Do you have time for that, baby?" Upon hearing this Bert was really not happy with what he had agreed to. Tom Cat Alley was a local gay strip club that offered a lunch buffet. Bert was secretly hoping in desperation Eco would say they didn't have time. "Awww yeah, babe! Thanks to muh homie Bert, we got pliz-enty of tiz-ime." Bert's heart sank... Not only did they have time, but it was because of the work he had done.
"Great!!!" Grover exclaimed emphatically, "Let's get over there!" With that, they were headed down the hall towards Grover's windowless Ford van.
Grover and Eco climbed in front, while Bert reluctantly climbed in the back. The van smelled even worse than Grover did, something like a combination of BO and spoiled milk. The seat was crusty with hard yellow stains, the seatbelt was even stickier than Grover's hand. Bert sat uncomfortably as Grover leaned into Eco and they exchanged a sloppy tongue kiss. Bert was fightimg back the urge to vomit with all his might. "Let's go!" Grover exclaimed.
"could you guys open up those windows.." Bert asked, regretting having gotten into the vehicle at this point. "Oh! Sorry, honey! Both of them are broken, I'll turn on the AC for ya!" Grover said emphatically. Now the smell of mildew was mixing with the nauseating odor the van already had. Bert rode in disgusted silence, hoping this torture would be over soon.
"I wrote you a riz-ap, baby." Eco said to Grover, " It go like dis; Grover, Grover, come on over. You make me sweat all over. You my one true lover, my unrelenting cover. Got that jizz, I love for rizz..." Bert was doing everything he could to ignore the explicit rap Eco was laying down. He absolutely did not want the image of Grover balls deep in Eco, but Eco was making sure Bert had to try and keep it out of his head. Bert offered Eco a cigarette, hoping it would shut him up. Lucky for Bert, it did.
"I love the rap, baby!" Grover exclaimed, "You can sing the rest to me tonight..." Upon hearing this, Bert fought hard to choke back vomit. Soon they arrived at Tom Cat Alley, and Bert was relieved to be out of Grover's van. He was not very excited for what he was about to walk into, however...
To be continued...
(Edited 2 minutes later.)
Anonymous D replied with this 6 years ago, 5 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^][v]#1,037,214
We'll just have to wait and see. Bert's adventure with Grover and Eco will draw to a conclusion sometime this afternoon CDT.
Anonymous A (OP) double-posted this 6 years ago, 5 hours later, 2 days after the original post[^][v]#1,037,398
Bert entered the bar behind Eco and Grover, who each had their hand down the back of each other's pants. "mental note:NEVER touch Eco's hand.." Bert thought quietly to himself. As they walked in, Bert's nostril were immediately hit with the smell of cocoa butter and balls. Bert looked around, to see several men receiving lap dances from other men. "filthy degenerates.." Bert muttered under his breath.
"Did you say something, hon?" Grover asked Bert with obvious excitement in his voice. "nothing.." Bert respond in nearly a whisper, fighting back the anger that was building. Grover paid the cover charge for all three in change, and they were in.
Bert just kept staring at the floor, trying to not look at what was going on around him. "where's the buffet.." Bert asked in the same near-whisper as before. Eco showed Bert to the buffet, and Bert took a plate then began scanning.
Chicken wings, potato salad, some sort of garden salad. None of it looked too appetizing, and Bert knew there could any sort of fluids mixed in with the concoctions. Just then, the chef took an empty pan off the buffet, and set a new one down. The pan held a pizza, freshly baked, and it looked like... Could it be? It was! A Red Barron pizza!
"god has smiled upon me.." Bert thought to himself. Quickly, he snatched up the entire pizza, before anyone else could get their hands on it.
Bert walked back to the table, noticing Eco and Grover were talking to each other excitedly. Bert sat down, "We gots a siz-urprize for you, biz-ert!" Eco said. "...what surprise..." Bert said suspicious of the situation. "I'm your surprise." said a voice behind Bert.
Suddenly, Bert's chair was spun around in one fluid motion.
Bert was now face staring at a large transgendered woman, floping her dick just inches from his face. Bert shot up, knocking the trans woman back a few feet. Bert apologized, and explained there was some kind of mistake, and he was not gay. "What you tiz-alking about, Biz-ert? I hiz-eard what happened with Ciz-atherine." Eco stated.
Bert froze upon hearing this, "...what are you talking about..." Bert asked, with alarm in his voice. "Ahh man, don't you kniz-ow, can't you tiz-ell?" Eco started, "Ciz-atherine is triz-ansgiz-endered, Biz-ert." Bert was shocked, this made the whole situation with Catherine much worse in his own mind. "how could trump allow this to happen to his biggest fan.." Bert wondered. "i didn't know that...how was i supposed to tell.." Bbert eventually responded. "Man, I'm siz-orry about all this, Biz-ert." Exo said, "I would not have briz-ought you here if I knew that." Bert was very distraught by this latest development.
He was in shock, "let me just eat my pizza, and let's get out of here.." Bert said. "Oh... You probably don't want to eat that anymore, hon." Grover said, as Bert turned around to see a glob of semen sitting on his pizza, and Grover pulling his pants back up.
"let's just go...now.." Bert said, fighting to not punch out Grover, knowing beating up Eco's boyfriend may cost him his job. "this is just great.." Bert thought, "i spent lunch surrounded by fags..i didn't get anything to eat..and now i have to ride back in Grover's gross van.." Bert pinched his nose as he climbed into the crusty back seat. "is there any way this day could possibly get worse.." Bert wondered...
To be continued...
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 6 years ago, 22 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^][v]#1,037,412
As much as realbert sucks, I can't help but feel bad for fakebert. :(
Kook !!rcSrAtaAC joined in and replied with this 6 years ago, 47 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^][v]#1,037,434
@previous (Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU)
Right? Someone just jizzed on his pizza pie
Bilbo !RwordOooFE joined in and replied with this 6 years ago, 30 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^][v]#1,037,443
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 6 years ago, 16 hours later, 2 days after the original post[^][v]#1,037,606
Bert rode back to the office in complete silence, and practically jumped out of Grover's van upon arrival. In almost a run he sped back to the building, and went to Mark's office to see what needed to be done next. Bert arrived at Mark's door and knocked.
"Please, come in." Mark shouted from beyond the door. Bert entered Mark's office, "Ah, Bert, what can I do for you?" Mark asked. "i was wondering what you'd like me to do next.." Bert responded. "Well," Mark began, "we could use a the men's room on this floor cleaned. Dodongo made a mess of one of the stalls, said something about spicy kettle chips." Bert was relieved to hear this job wouldn't have him around any female co-workers, and he might finally get a chance to relax a bit. "on my way.." Bert reaponded.
With that, Bert left Mark's office and retrieved his cleaning cart. He grabbed a few cleansers from the shelves, and headed for the men's room. When Bert walked into the men's room, he was hit with a wall of stench almost as bad as Grover's van. "jesus..." Bert thought, pinching his nose to ward off the stink.
Bert found the stall that Dodongo had used, it looked like a shit grenade had gone off in the toilet.
Bert put on his rubber gloves, and grabbed the bleach. With bleach in one hand and febreeze in the other, Bert began cleaning the stall Dodongo had turned into a war zone. After several minutes of fervent scrubbing, and a slew of curse words, Bert had gotten the bowl looking pristine. After that, Bert spent about half the time it took to clean up after Dodongo cleaning up the other stalls and urinals.
Bert swept and mopped the floor, and was just finishing up, when Eco came into the bathroom. Eco cornered Bert and began speaking, "Yo Biz-ert, I wanna apologiz-ize for what happened with Grover... He has a siz-exual priz-oblem..." Bert really didn't want to talk to Eco, but had no choice but to humor him, in order to leave the bathroom.
"what do mean a "sexual problem".." Bert asked wearily...
To be continued...
(Edited 17 seconds later.)
Anonymous D replied with this 6 years ago, 3 hours later, 3 days after the original post[^][v]#1,037,657
Anonymous A (OP) double-posted this 6 years ago, 3 hours later, 3 days after the original post[^][v]#1,037,866
The next installment might not come tonight. I'm feeling lazy.
Anonymous A (OP) triple-posted this 6 years ago, 12 hours later, 3 days after the original post[^][v]#1,037,959
Eco looked Bert straight in the eyes, "He has some extremely piz-erverse tastes..." Eco said. "what exactly do you meam by that.." Bert asked, now wondering what kind of fucked up shit Grover was into. "Well..." Eco started, "The fiz-irst tiz-ime I hung out with him was an orgy at his house. Guys and girls going at each other like riz-abbits, yo. Dat ain't even the worse part. He had his under aged niece serving drinks, wearing a diaper and nothing else. It was really wiz-ierd to me, but he assured me he wasn't no kiddie fiddler."
Bert couldn't believe what he was hearing, his pizza was jizzed on by a god damned pedderast. "let me guess..." Bert said, "he lied about not being a pedo.." Eco shook his head up and down, "I fiz-ound out liz-ater that he was picking kids up in his van." Bert stood there for a moment, thinking about what Eco had just told him. "you have to tell the police.." Bert said. "Awww HELLLL naw!" Eco exclaimed, "I ain't no sniz-itch! Besides, Griz-over ain't fiddled no kids in a while."
Bert couldn't believe what he had just heard, Eco wouldn't turn in a pedo because he wasn't a snitch. Bert had known they were degenerates, but he had no idea how deep their degeneracy went. "how do you know he hasn't touched any kids.." Bert asked. "He ain't got any new stains in his viz-an!" Eco proclaimed proudly.
Slowly, it hit Bert, he had ridden in a chair covered in dried semen earlier... That would have to be dealt with at another time, though. Right now there was a pedo on the streets, and Bert had to do what he could to stop him. Bert decided to play it cool, in order to get out of the conversation he was stuck in. "well...if he hasn't touched any kids..i guess that means everything is okay.." Bert lied. "Riz-ight! I knew you was good people, Biz-ert" Eco said. This still didn't explain why Grover had jizzed on Bert's pizza, but he didn't really care at this point. "if you will excuse me..i must get back to work.." Bert said.
Bert slid past Eco and out the door, he had a whole new problem on his hands. Wondering how he should get Grover locked away for good, Bert headed for Mark's office. "can't bust him while i'm stuck at work.." Bert thought, "i'll just have to wait until i get off.." Bert continued to walk toward Mark's office, still contemplating how to go about stopping Grover...
To be continued...
Anonymous A (OP) quadruple-posted this 6 years ago, 3 months later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,073,222
Bert spent weeks, months even, trying to come up with a way to rid himself of Eco and Grover in one fell swoop. Not only would it free him of their gross public displays of affection any time they were together. It would also free him from constant high pitched rapping, Eco bumming cigarettes, and, Eco's work ethic, which was comparable to herniated slug's. Not to mention open up Eco's position, which Bert was sure Mark would reward him with for ousting Eco and his stinky pedo boyfriend.
Christmas came around, and Bert was still struggling to come up with a solid plan. Then Eco approached him one day, "Yo, Notrious B-E-R-T! Sup, bro? Eco asked. "You wanna come to a Chriz-istmas party at Grover's on Christmas eve?"
Bert's first thought was to tell him to "fuck off.." Then he had a gut feeling, that this was his opportunity to free himself from the constant homoerotica he was working in. He wasn't quite sure how, but he know this might be it. "who is coming to the party.." Bert asked. "We just having an office like giz-et together. I invited Ciz-atherine, the other jiz-anitors, a few piz-eople in sales, a couple giz-uys from IT... Who else... Oh! Biz-ecky and Miz-ark. Miz-ark ain't coming though, cause he gonna be celebrating Chiz-anukah wit his fiz-amily." Eco explained.
This was all Bert needed to hear. Mark may not be there, but Becky would. The plan had begun hatching in Bert's mind. "i'll come to your party.." Bert said with almost an arrogance about him.
Eco became excited upon this news, "It's on Chriz-istmas eve at 8PM, you don't have to bring anything unless you wanna take part in Siz-ecret Siz-anta."
Bert was hatching his plan as he listened to Eco ramble for a little while, and break out into a couple of raps in between ramblings. Eventually Eco left, and Bert felt pride in the scheme he had concocted. Bert set to work getting everything ready for his plan...
To be continued...
P.S.Sorry it's late.
Anonymous A (OP) quintuple-posted this 6 years ago, 20 hours later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,073,438
Bert arrived at Grover's home on Christmas eve at 7:56. He was wary of the fact that nobody else's car was there, besides Grover's disgusting van. Bert thought only a true southern gentlemen such as himself would show up on time, and the rest would probably be late. Writing off the absence of cars, Bert approached the door.
Bert knocked, and was greeted by Eco at the door. "Yo, Biz-ert! Glad to see ya, briz-o." Eco said to Bert as he entered the home, which smelled of about 40 scented candles burning trying desperately to cover a stank similar to the one in Grover's van. There were some snacks set out, clearly not enough for all the people Eco said he invited, but Bert chalked it up to being poor, based on the state of the home.
Bert walked in the livimg room at sat down, there were blankets over the couch, but Bert could feel several hard, crusty patches under the blanket. "Would you like a driz-ink?" Eco asked Bert. "do you have any everclear.." Bert asked Eco in return. "Ah, yiz-eah we got evercliz-ear." Eco responded, "What you want me to make you?" "a dirty berty.." Bert responded. Eco set to work pouring a pint of everclear into a used Wendy's cup, he went to the kitchen to grab some ice cold Coca Cola to fill the cup with, Bert paying no mind to why he didn't have sodas ready at the bar.
Eco returned a few minutes later, with Bert's drink.
Bert took one quick swallow, gulping down half of the drink in one manly gulp. Bert felt a wave of relaxation wash over him. "perfect mood for busting pedos.." Bert thought to himself. Bert listened to Eco rap and ramble and rap for a bit, wondering why no one else had shown up yet. Bert checked his watch, 9:34 it read.
"where is everyone else at.." Bert asked, feeling a little dizzy and groggy. "Oh... Don't wiz-orry about that, Biz-ert. This piz-arty was mainly for you..." Eco said with a tone of menace in his voice. "what...what do mean by that.." Bert asked as he stood up. Once Bert got to his feet, he felt a sudden and extreme wave of fatigue, just before he fell face first on Grover's carpet.
Totally blacked out, Bert was left in Eco and Grover's hands...
To be continued...
Anonymous M joined in and replied with this 6 years ago, 2 hours later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,073,480
thin ice..
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 6 years ago, 10 minutes later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,073,484
Bert slowly came to, and wasn't fully aware of what was going on. The first comprehensible thought that floated into his mind was, "i should have known something was up...i never even saw grover.." Slowly Bert's vision, and the feeling in his body started to return.
He became aware that he was totally nude, besides something on his feet pinching his toes pretty badly. He became aware of the fact that he had been totally shaven, and his body felt greasy and slick. He tried to yell out, but all that came was a muffled gargle.
As his feeling and vision continued to return, he became aware he was in some sort of cellar or basement. He also realized he was unable to move from the position he was in.
A loudspeaker crackled to life above Bert's head. "Yo, Biz-ert, or should I call you Biz-ertha? Biz-itch would be probably be best... We don't want you getting into any delusions of self respect." Eco's high-pitched voice rang loudly through the room, Bert still didn't fully comprehend the situation he was in. He tried to struggle, but he was held tight. "There is no use triz-ying to escape... You're locked in pliz-ace with chiz-ains, those chiz-ains are anchored in solid concrete, 18 inches thiz-ick."
Bert was becoming more lucid. He could now tell he was on some sort of structure, holding him in a position were he was on his elbows and knees. He could also tell what was pinching his toes was a pair of high heeled shoes, which appeared to have some blood stains on them.
He was awe struck by his situation. He couldn't believe what was happening to him. "Don't wiz-orry, Biz-itch..." Eco's voice still rang obnoxiously overhead. "We didn't do anything siz-exual to you while you were passed out, we just shaved ya. We know you been plotting to get Grover arrested, Biz-itch... I thought you was cool... You're just a weak-ass poser!"
Bert really began to struggle out of fury at this point, he was fully concious, and ready to beat Eco and Grover within inches of their lives...
Alas, the chains held taught, only giving Bert enough room to squirm around. Bert was now aware the thing in his mouth was some kind on conical metal cage, holding his mouth wide open, and sliding just down the back of his throat.
The door opened, bert looked up and watched as Eco and Grover walked in. They were totally nude and carrying tubs of butter. "We wanted to wiz-ait til you was awake." Eco said, "I got something to confess to ya, Biz-itch... We both got siz-exual priz-oblems." Bert's eyes widen as Eco and Grover walked to both ends of him...
To be continued.
(Edited 4 minutes later.)
Anonymous M replied with this 6 years ago, 9 minutes later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,073,489
@previous (A)
You are going to give Syntax an erection.
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 6 years ago, 11 hours later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,073,615
Fuck! How will our hero get out of this predicament?
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 6 years ago, 1 hour later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,073,629
Anonymous A (OP) double-posted this 6 years ago, 56 minutes later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,073,661
Grover and eco stood at both ends of bert, just staring down at him and laughing. Eco's erect penis was inches from Bert's face, and Bert was now all too aware of what the cage in his mouth was there for...
Eco stopped laughing, and began explaining to Bert with more detail his situation. "Okay, Biz-itch..." Eco began menacingly, "This da way it gonna be. I found out you were planning to get my baby arriz-ested. Before that, you had avoided all this, despite the fiz'act Grover wanted you badly... From the moment he came on your piz-izza piz-ie, he had his eye on you. I was the only thing stopping him."
Bert was trembling with rage, Grover still laughing the entire time. "Now dat I know you is a sniz-itch, I've wrapped you all up for Grover. You're his Chriz-istmas priz-esent this year... Here's was gonna happen... You're gonna subjected to tiz-orture, Briz-ain washing, you'll be dressed in ladies' clothing, have your holes crammed with butter, and we gonna fuck the shit out you."
Bert tried to struggle against his chains, only squirming a bit. "There is just enough riz-oom for you to squirm while we have fun wit you... We like 'em squirming... Don't worry, you may be friz-ee one day. If you do exactly what we tell you, and take to the brain washing, you may be able to come back in the house and be our live-in biz-itch one day..."
Eco walked over to Grover, and they walked over to the table where they had set down the tubs of butter. Bert's mind was racing, he struggled in vain against the chains, causing Eco and Grover to errupt into laughter. Bert felt defeated... Was there any way he could escape this? Just then, he heard the tubs of butter crack open, and the seals being pulled away.
Bert looked over, to see Eco and grover rubbing butter on their genitals. As they finished up, they each grabbed a handful of butter, and walked slowly back to him. Laughing maniacally the entire way...
It was now January 1st, Mark had become concerned with the fact he had not seen Bert since before he left to vist his family. He had called him several times, Mark didn't want to fire Bert. Despite his rocky start he was a hard wroker. Not to mention the fact Bert had shown no sign he was thinking about quitting.
Mark had also recieved a text from Bert on Christmas eve, wishing him a happy Chanukah and saying he would miss him at the party. Mark had no clue what party Bert was talking about. He also said he would see Mark when he returned.
Eco was constantly talking down about Bert, which was also making Mark suspicious, as it was contrary to his previous behavior. Mark knew there was only one team of detectives who could help him get to the bottom of this, and he just happened to know their chief.
Mark called Becky into his office, she had been helping him to figure out where Bert was. She was also impressed with the progress he'd made. What used to be daily reports of a strange man digging in his pants, was now only bi-monthly reports.
"Becky," Mark started, "I believe there are only three people who can help us with this... We need to call tteh."
To be continued.
(Edited 5 minutes later.)
Anonymous A (OP) triple-posted this 6 years ago, 6 hours later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,073,804
"Sacrè bleu!" Dylan exclaimed in surprise, as the phone began ringing loudly in the Minichan Private Investigation agency. Killer Lettuce moved quickly back to his desk, and answered the phone.
"Minichan PIs, Killer Luttuce speaking, how may I direct your call?" KL asked. "Hello, This is Mark Dox, harassment, etc. and I was hoping to speak with tteh." Mark explained. Killer Lettuce was familiar with Mark, he had been an associate of tteh's for years. "Hello Mark, good to hear from you, lad! tteh is here, just a moment."
Mark waited a minute or two before tteh picked up the phone. "'Ello dere, Mark. Oi, it's been quoite some toime since I last erd from ya, lad. What's going on?" Mark explained to tteh the situation, leaving no details unexplored. Unfortunately, Mark really didn't have too many details, but that didn't deter tteh.
"Blimey, dats quoite da pickle you got yaself dere, mate. You mus really be worried if you's callin us." tteh remarked. "Lucky for you, we ain't got no cases at dis point. We should be dere tomorrow." Relieved to hear this, Mark thanked tteh for his help, and they got off the phone.
"Roight," tteh began, "ere's da situation... Mark as a missin employee he wants us to look for. He doesn't ave to many deets on where he's gone, but he is suspicious dat deres some foul play involved." Dylan puffed silently on his tobacco pipe, twirling his moustache around his pinkie finger, reflecting on what tteh had told them. "Sounds like this case is going to take all three of us to solve..." Dylan remarked, still silently puffing on his pipe. "I guess we should go get Kook."
To be continued...
Anonymous A (OP) quadruple-posted this 6 years ago, 5 hours later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,073,847
Dylan, tteh, and KL arrived at the nursing home, where Kook liked to spend her time talking to the elderly. Kook could be a very integral member of the team, this was due to here ability to see the past and future just by being in a location. However, she didn't always want to help solve mysteries, as it could easily lead to some disturbing imagery.
The three walked into the nursing home. "No smoking here, please put your pipe out!" a receptionist hollered at Dylan from behind the desk. Dylan stopped, walked over to the counter, whispered something in her ear, and walked back still smoking. This didn't surprise any of the members of the party, as Dylan was known for quickly convincing people to let him smoke his pipe. What exactly he did to comvince them was unclear, but there wasn't a building Dylan couldn't smoke in.
They entered the day room, scanning around, looking for Kook. They soon spotted her, sitting in a corner, speaking softly too a sad looking older gentleman. As they walked over to the table, Kook motioned them to wait for a moment. After a few minutes of them talking, the man got up, gave Kook a hug, and walked away.
Kook motioned the the three to join her. "Wot was dat all bout, Kook?" tteh asked, genuinely curious why the man was so sad looking. "That's not something for me to share, child." Kook responded, "I'm guessing from the fact that you are here, that we have a case that needs to be solved..." "That's a safe guess." Dylan stated, "Mark called, and he's got an employee whom he thinks is in need of our special brand of help."
Kook reflected for a moment on what she was told, "He's still alive... But he is in great despair..." Kook informed the group. "I'm not clear on his location at this time... Some kind of basement or cellar... He has captors, there is two of them... That's all I can make out from here, but the pain that child is feeling is immense... I'll help you three find him, we must set that little lamb free."
With that, the four headed out the door, and back to the office so they could get everything ready to go.
To be continued.
(Edited 2 minutes later.)
Anonymous A (OP) quintuple-posted this 6 years ago, 21 hours later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,074,218
Mark arrived at the office early the next day, to find Becky was already waiting for him. Mark knew that he could never ask for a better friend than Becky, and the gifts she sends him are absolutely divine. Mark walked over to Becky, "No sign of them yet." becky said to Mark as he approached. Mark looked at his watch, it was 5:43, tteh told him they would be there by 5:30. This wasn't really concerning to Mark, as tteh was frequently late to meet him.
There they are!" Becky said, pointing toward the eastern horizon. Mark looked to see a red-orange sphere spinning at high speed, and moving towards them. With a great THUD the sphere hit the pavement in front of Mark and Becky. A door opened on the sphere, as tteh, Kook, and, Dylan stepped off the craft.
"It's good to see you all!" Mark exclaimed, relieved that Bert may actually be found alive. Mark explained in all the detail he could provide what had happened to the entire team. "That child is still alive, but he is greatly distressed..." Kook told Mark, "I'll need to speak with the boy you call "Eco". If he is behind this, he won't be able to hide it from me forever."
Becky told them Eco would be there that day, and that she would make sure Kook had an opportunity to speak with him. "We'll need to inspect the janitorial office before he arrives," Dylan explained, while puffing on his pipe, "we'll search for any piece of evidence that may help point Kook towards his location." Mark had known this would be the first step, and eagerly agreed to take them to the janitorial office. With that, all five headed for the office.
To be continued.
(Edited 2 minutes later.)
Anonymous A (OP) sextuple-posted this 6 years ago, 1 day later, 3 months after the original post[^][v]#1,074,909
Bert was sore all over, he hadn't had a comfortable sleep in days. This was made worse by the fact that Grover and Eco may come into the room at anytime of the day or night to preform unspeakable acts on him. They might also bring in other people, Eco had many well endowed black friends who got tired of fucking Eco and would turn to Bert.
Bert was in a constant state of pain, and feeling of defeat. There was no limit to the extent of these two's depravity. Once a day, they would bring him up to the house in chains, wearing lingerie, and use him as a human table. Often times ending in Bert having to hold up to Eco and Grover fucking each other on his back, and he had to hold up or they would turn their attention on him.
Bert was starting to lose hope that a rescue party was coming. His only way of keeping track of days was based on the number of times they'd used him as a table. A tear rolled down Bert's cheek as he tried screaming against his ball gag. Then Bert heard the horrifying creak of the door opening...
"Sacrè bleu!" Dylan exclaimed as he opened a drawer on Eco's desk, revealing it to be full of used condoms. "That child brings men here to preform acts of prostitution..." Kook said, as Dylan closed the drawer.
They had been searching the office for nearly an hour, and knew Eco would be there soon. Besides Kook revealing a few unrelated secrets about Eco, they were unable to uncover anything. "Dat don mattuh, mates." tteh began, "Once Kook speaks wit dat bloke, we should git sumfin dat will point us in da roight direction."
Mark knew this was accurate, of all three Kook's ability was the most powerful. She didn't need any details to find certain things out. Just wearing a shirt you wore while doing something was enough to let Kook know what you had done. Dylan and tteh were nothing to scoff at either, by any means. Their abilities may not be as powerful as Kook's, but they could use them with insane efficiency.
"We'd better get out of here," Mark stated, "Eco will be here soon." They all headed for Mark's office. Mark knew that they only had so much time to save Bert, and he really hoped Eco would do something that would point Kook to Bert's location.