He strangled the nemean lion
and wore it as a hat
And cut off all those hydra heads
that just kept coming back
He found that pretty deer-like thing
and let it run away
He got the boar, he brought it in
and eury hid in clay
He flooded out the dirty stables,
And washed away all of the shit
He slayed the stymphalian birds,
they died with just one hit
He wrestled back the cretan bull
marathon was terrorised
He heisted mares from diomedes
they did not eat him alive
He grabbed the girdle in amazon
and killed people in their 'steads,
He stole the cattle from geryon
Who for some reason had 3 heads,
He wore the sky
Made atlas cry
And feel very betrayed
He gave lots of hugs to cerberus
And proved myceneans gay
(Edited 4 minutes later.)
Take away: Hercules went on a crime spree and stole a bunch of shit. Sometimes he stopped to kill animals or shovel poop.