@previous (B)
Charmin. I'm fucking tired of those stupid, ass-obsessed bears. I don't let toilet paper control my fucking life. Their entire world revolves around toilet paper. I get that they are in a commercial, but ass-inspection? Really? That is a little too far. They pause football games to inspect asses. One commercial has them ready to change vacation plans over toilet paper. And speaking of traveling bears, one commercial features a TSA bear inspecting another's ass before boarding a plane. Even going so far as to commend the bear on packing Charmin ("You're cleaner than I thought," says the agent). Ass-inspection in the Charmin bear universe is so commonplace that it is enforced as a security measure.
Here a bear is chasing a cub around with a dustpan to collect used toilet paper stuck to the cub's ass. The narrator says, "You'll never pass inspection with pieces left behind." Is Charmin trying to push an ass-inspection agenda? I hope to never have to endure a toilet paper inspection, let alone be subjected to it every time I use the restroom. Here a cub is literally doing gymnastics to make sure he doesn't fail his ass-inspection but to no avail. These bears are relentless. They will scrutinize each other's asses at any given opportunity. Even in print, they resort to using a vacuum cleaner to clean other bears asses.
Look at this commercial, a mother and cub looking at "the Moon". In any sane family, that would be the satellite that orbits the Earth. Unfortunately, this is Charmin Bear world, where it not only means the cosmic body, but the body of their fellow bear. They are literally using a telescope to inspect the ass of another bear sitting in a tree.
These bears are so incredibly self-centered too. All they care about is toilet paper. In this commercial the cub drains an entire lake so he wouldn't have to fish. Of course, he uses the toilet paper in the tackle box because these bears don't go anywhere without a fucking roll of toilet paper. It doesn't even make sense. Is Charmin advocating destroying an entire lake to catch all the fish? It seems a little misguided.
This commercial (video) features a bunch of cubs saying that Charmin is so good, you could wear your underwear "a second day". Mind you, all these cubs are naked! The commercial ends with one cubs saying to another, "You should try it Skids." Do these bears really make up nicknames based on the cleanliness of each other's asses? What kind of fucked up world is it where naked bears make fun of each other for ass appearance?
Especially the one where one bear says "what a great view" and the other sticks his bare bear ass in her face and says "thanks to Charmin". It's fucking weird. Fuck those bears. I will never buy Charmin as long as those bears are waving their asses at me.
Fun Fact: Those bears originally appeared in a series of children's books. They used to be called the Breytenbach Bears, but the company started using them in ads around the time of Nelson Mandela's death in prison back in the late 80s.
@1,011,690 (C)
Nelson Mandela died in December 2013. Thanks.
(Edited 8 seconds later.)
@1,011,686 (A)
yes this has always bothered me. especially the implications of the TSA ass bear wands
@1,011,688 (B)
also that second day commercial. made me really uncomfortable that people might be walking around with shitty underwear
watching tv..
What till viagra starts using JP's Another thing coming as their commercial jingle..