Sheila LaBoof started this discussion 7 years ago#82,920
I don't know who invented those jokes, but they always struck me as really crude and gross, when the teller might think he's just being sassy and cute. They feature a foul-mouthed little shit, with a wary adult worried that the fucker is going to use his Hustler-magazine vocabulary. Today, we might suspect that someone at home might be cornholing him.
A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
Sheila LaBoof (OP) double-posted this 7 years ago, 2 minutes later[^][v]#955,689
oh I found one that I like, really puts that little fuckface in his place
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough." The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "Yes" said Little Johhny, thinking he'd figured it out. "Then go fuck yourself." his grandpa replied.
(Edited 8 minutes later.)
Anonymous B joined in and replied with this 7 years ago, 1 hour later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#955,699
@previous (Sheila LaBoof)
haha take that little johnby
Anonymous C joined in and replied with this 7 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#955,700
The original joke before the edit was about cookies and little Johnny won the discussion.,
Sheila LaBoof (OP) replied with this 7 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#955,701
@previous (C)
yes I had to change it because that little shit has it coming big time
Anonymous D joined in and replied with this 7 years ago, 11 hours later, 12 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,822
One day his teacher says, "Okay class, I want to hear a story from your life, and you're going to tell me the moral of that story." Immediately, Sally's hand pops up. The teacher calls upon Sally and she says, "my Dad works at the hatchery. One day he took some eggs and put them all in one basket. He put the basket on the horse and buggy and off he went into town, but the earth was uneven, and the eggs broke. The teacher says, "that's an alright story, but I don't know what the moral of that story could possibly be." Sally inhales a breath of confidence, and she says, "don't put all of your eggs in one basket."
The teacher is impressed, and she tells the class that that is exactly what she is looking for. "Does anyone else have a story?" Marjorie raises her hand. "My father works for the hatchery. Thank God for the hatchery. Otherwise, where would we be? My father, he sells chickens. He had nine chickens, and five eggs. He counted the five eggs as chickens, so he said he had fourteen chickens. He loaded them up on the horse and buggy, and off he went to town, but the earth was uneven, the eggs broke. The teacher again says, "that's an alright story, but what could possibly be the moral to that story? Marjorie takes in a long breath and says, "don't count your eggs before they hatch!" Now the teacher is really impressed. She feels fulfilled in her career life decision. She asks the class, "does anyone else have a story?" And wouldn't you know it, she spots the raised hand of Dirty Johnny. "Yes, Dirty Johnny, what is your story?"
This story is about my Uncle Terry. He didn't work for the hatchery. He didn't even care for those that did. He was in Vietnam. He lives off the disability checks he got. Uncle Terry was not a popular man. We've all heard of a man deserting a battalion, but I don't know if you've ever heard of a battalion deserting a man. Well, that's what happened to Uncle Terry. One day Uncle Terry awoke in the middle of Da Nang. Everyone was gone, and they left him three bottles of Jack Daniels, and some weaponry. So, Uncle Terry downed the bottle of Jack Daniels in two slugs and smashed it into the jungle. He picked up the Kalashnikov, a Glock, the two bottles of Jack, some hand grenades, and off he walked into the jungle--his fate.
Uncle Terry came upon a village. Now, were they Charlie, or were they the people he was sent to protect from Charlie? Uncle Terry didn't know. He took a drink from the bottle of Jack and with hate in his gut, he opened fire. He took that Kalashnikov, and he let it sway like a farmer would a scythe. The people fell before him like hay would fall before a farmer. The men. The women. And by God, even the children. Finally, Uncle Terry stood in the mud, the blood, the guts, and the glory. He was perfectly alone. He took a long swig. His hand brushed against his pants and he felt wetness. He was ashamed because he pissed himself in fear. But then, he realized it was ejaculate. And the shame was replaced by pride.
The teacher says, "what kind of story is that?! What could possibly be the moral of that?" Dirty Johnny thinks about it for a few moments and he says, "you don't fuck with Terry when he has been drinking."
Sheila LaBoof (OP) replied with this 7 years ago, 47 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,845
@previous (D)
Norm MacDonald has told that one on his show
he'll gladly take fifteen minutes telling a vivid story and then there's a 5-second punchline
Anonymous D replied with this 7 years ago, 2 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,847
@previous (Sheila LaBoof)
yes. norm. star for you, you deserve it...
among all ppl today as i see fit here present, you especially, fuck the rock
(Edited 8 minutes later.)
the rock !mfIZmbGPrQ replied with this 7 years ago, 10 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,850
the rock !mfIZmbGPrQ double-posted this 7 years ago, 17 seconds later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,857
ass
Anonymous D replied with this 7 years ago, 1 minute later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,858
@955,856 (the rock !mfIZmbGPrQ)
typical of all things not alive...shitposting derailers...this ain't about you in this thread, so stfu and leave or contribute,
the rock !mfIZmbGPrQ replied with this 7 years ago, 2 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,859
Anonymous D replied with this 7 years ago, 2 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,861
@previous (the rock !mfIZmbGPrQ)
little? fucking derailer, jonny was dirty...ugh, get rid of this poster, mods
the rock !mfIZmbGPrQ replied with this 7 years ago, 1 minute later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,863
sheila back me up this clown is WACK
Anonymous D replied with this 7 years ago, 2 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,865
@previous (the rock !mfIZmbGPrQ)
and now we play the waiting game
Sheila LaBoof (OP) replied with this 7 years ago, 16 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,872
Come on people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another
Right now
Anonymous D replied with this 7 years ago, 3 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,873
@previous (Sheila LaBoof)
ok i love the rock and his elbow...now him
Sheila LaBoof (OP) replied with this 7 years ago, 1 minute later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,874
alright, now for Blue Moon of Kentucky
I said blue moon of Kentucky
Keep on shining,
Shine on the one that's gone and left me blue.
I said blue moon of Kentucky
Keep on shining,
Shine on the one that's gone and left me blue.
Sheila LaBoof (OP) double-posted this 7 years ago, 1 minute later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,877
I've got your picture, I've got your picture
I'd like a million of them all round my cell
I want the doctor to take your picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You've got me turning up and turning down
And turning in and turning 'round
I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so
I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so
Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so
Anonymous D replied with this 7 years ago, 2 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,878
i love my brothers and hate asians thank to you, thank u
the rock !mfIZmbGPrQ replied with this 7 years ago, 3 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,882
mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys..
Anonymous D replied with this 7 years ago, 46 seconds later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,883
@previous (the rock !mfIZmbGPrQ)
ohhhh hoh oho hoh ohohohoh ohohohohooo i see i seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you fuck..
Anonymous C replied with this 7 years ago, 25 seconds later, 14 hours after the original post[^][v]#955,884