Topic: Is this sexual assault?
kook !!OPZbEQMT1 started this discussion 8 years ago #69,353
kook !!OPZbEQMT1 (OP) double-posted this 8 years ago, 28 minutes later[^] [v] #839,855
'm not sure what to make of this experience with a woman and someone uninvited (self.TwoXChromosomes)
submitted 1 day ago * by OtherShadow
Hi Reddit, I had to make a new Reddit account for this. I'm a 23-year-old woman who is in a serious, 3-year relationship with a man. We're doing long distance for a year as I finish school. I've been completely faithful to him, and I've only been with him. We're secure and we love each other. Way back, when discussing sexuality, I told him I might not be straight. He was okay with me doing whatever sexual thing with a woman to figure myself out or to experience things and did not consider it cheating, and even got turned on by the idea. The condition (which I completely agreed with) was no men. He had no expectation or desire to even join when I'm with a woman because we respect our own intimacy where it's just us--and he would not be getting with other women (that would be cheating) or men (he's totally straight so he's not interested). We agreed on these terms and we were perfectly happy and fine.
I kept him posted when I went to go meet a female Tinder match (we'll call her Ann). I met up with Ann and her male friend (we'll call him Tom) at a concert two weeks before for the first time, and I had my female friends with me. Ann was aware that I was interested in her sexually because we talked about it briefly last time. This night, I went drinking with Ann and Tom. We go to a bar. While we're there he is putting his arms around us, tugging on my hair and hers lightly, running his hand up my leg. I try to ignore it but inside my head I'm like "what the fuck." I initiate kissing with Ann at the bar and before leaving to her apartment I tell Tom "Look I don't want you to get any ideas here, but I'm interested in making moves with Ann, and you really can't join. I'm not trying to be presumptuous but please understand this. I have a boyfriend and all...he's cool with girls but no guys. I just want you to manage your expectations" to which he is like "Oh of course, of course" and sounded reassuring. So I tell him this and we leave for her apartment. Once we go I find that they both share the apartment. Fine.
I'm sitting with the two on the couch (Ann is in the middle). I initiate with Ann again, and then I notice Tom is still staying and taking off Ann's clothes. I tell Tom he needs to go ("Hey, you really can't be here right now") and he ignores. I tell Ann "He can't be here for this" and ask if he can leave or go to another room and she goes "It's a studio apartment" and I repeat myself saying he really really can't be here and she repeats that it's a studio apartment and there's no where to go. So I turn back to Tom and tell him again more urgently and he goes "Ohhh my gosh stop, stop girl" and gets up and walks away. So I thought he gave in and listened and I was alone with Ann. So I go back to focusing on Ann, kissing her, eyes closed, etc. I stop kissing her and she's still making noise and responding to something. I notice Tom is BACK on her other side taking off more of her clothes and she's not facing me because she's in the middle of us. At this point I don't know what happens with my brain. I shut him out and focus on only her, I'm taking off my shirt to match her level of undressedness, but then I realize someone unhooked my bra and it was Tom reaching around behind Ann and now it's falling off. I go with it. I realize I'm fully topless in front of this fucking asshole even though I have NEVER been topless in front of a man other than my boyfriend. Again mentally freaking out, shutting it down. I say "okay you can only do things to her not to me" but as I focus on Ann and try to treat it like a normal situation and Ann and I both undress fully, he's also reaching around touching my thigh, groping my boobs. I get confused at points where I think it's okay if it's Ann but I fucking freak out and resist every time it's his large hand and then quickly throw it off and I keep saying "Hey. You CAN'T touch me" but again and again sometimes I find he's reaching around her to also grope my naked boob, my thigh. I don't even know if I caught all of the times. And then he's also fully undressed, to the other side of Ann. I just shut him out, he doesn't exist as a character anymore, I'm focusing on her while feeling like shit and scared but numb but also I'm like "okay okay it's fine here's this girl it's fun right" and focusing on just that. Meanwhile this guy is copping feels and I fight it whenever I notice it's not her touching me but him.
I get out of it by saying that I want to watch him do things to her while I step back, then I get dressed, and I leave.
What was this?? Why didn't I leave at the first point? I felt turned on the next day thinking about Ann, and like Tom didn't even exist. He didn't exist. But then as the day went on I felt gross and trashy. What happened?
And yes, my boyfriend knows about it. We talked a lot but I don't want to say how it went or how we figured it out; I want TwoXChromosome's unbiased perspective. What was this??
Edit: I did NOT find the male attractive. Also this was my first and probably last experience with a woman, and the second HUMAN I've kissed in my entire life (My boyfriend being the first, and I haven't kissed a woman before)
Edit 2: I was drunk before it started, sobered up more during, and then left.
submitted 1 day ago * by OtherShadow
Hi Reddit, I had to make a new Reddit account for this. I'm a 23-year-old woman who is in a serious, 3-year relationship with a man. We're doing long distance for a year as I finish school. I've been completely faithful to him, and I've only been with him. We're secure and we love each other. Way back, when discussing sexuality, I told him I might not be straight. He was okay with me doing whatever sexual thing with a woman to figure myself out or to experience things and did not consider it cheating, and even got turned on by the idea. The condition (which I completely agreed with) was no men. He had no expectation or desire to even join when I'm with a woman because we respect our own intimacy where it's just us--and he would not be getting with other women (that would be cheating) or men (he's totally straight so he's not interested). We agreed on these terms and we were perfectly happy and fine.
I kept him posted when I went to go meet a female Tinder match (we'll call her Ann). I met up with Ann and her male friend (we'll call him Tom) at a concert two weeks before for the first time, and I had my female friends with me. Ann was aware that I was interested in her sexually because we talked about it briefly last time. This night, I went drinking with Ann and Tom. We go to a bar. While we're there he is putting his arms around us, tugging on my hair and hers lightly, running his hand up my leg. I try to ignore it but inside my head I'm like "what the fuck." I initiate kissing with Ann at the bar and before leaving to her apartment I tell Tom "Look I don't want you to get any ideas here, but I'm interested in making moves with Ann, and you really can't join. I'm not trying to be presumptuous but please understand this. I have a boyfriend and all...he's cool with girls but no guys. I just want you to manage your expectations" to which he is like "Oh of course, of course" and sounded reassuring. So I tell him this and we leave for her apartment. Once we go I find that they both share the apartment. Fine.
I'm sitting with the two on the couch (Ann is in the middle). I initiate with Ann again, and then I notice Tom is still staying and taking off Ann's clothes. I tell Tom he needs to go ("Hey, you really can't be here right now") and he ignores. I tell Ann "He can't be here for this" and ask if he can leave or go to another room and she goes "It's a studio apartment" and I repeat myself saying he really really can't be here and she repeats that it's a studio apartment and there's no where to go. So I turn back to Tom and tell him again more urgently and he goes "Ohhh my gosh stop, stop girl" and gets up and walks away. So I thought he gave in and listened and I was alone with Ann. So I go back to focusing on Ann, kissing her, eyes closed, etc. I stop kissing her and she's still making noise and responding to something. I notice Tom is BACK on her other side taking off more of her clothes and she's not facing me because she's in the middle of us. At this point I don't know what happens with my brain. I shut him out and focus on only her, I'm taking off my shirt to match her level of undressedness, but then I realize someone unhooked my bra and it was Tom reaching around behind Ann and now it's falling off. I go with it. I realize I'm fully topless in front of this fucking asshole even though I have NEVER been topless in front of a man other than my boyfriend. Again mentally freaking out, shutting it down. I say "okay you can only do things to her not to me" but as I focus on Ann and try to treat it like a normal situation and Ann and I both undress fully, he's also reaching around touching my thigh, groping my boobs. I get confused at points where I think it's okay if it's Ann but I fucking freak out and resist every time it's his large hand and then quickly throw it off and I keep saying "Hey. You CAN'T touch me" but again and again sometimes I find he's reaching around her to also grope my naked boob, my thigh. I don't even know if I caught all of the times. And then he's also fully undressed, to the other side of Ann. I just shut him out, he doesn't exist as a character anymore, I'm focusing on her while feeling like shit and scared but numb but also I'm like "okay okay it's fine here's this girl it's fun right" and focusing on just that. Meanwhile this guy is copping feels and I fight it whenever I notice it's not her touching me but him.
I get out of it by saying that I want to watch him do things to her while I step back, then I get dressed, and I leave.
What was this?? Why didn't I leave at the first point? I felt turned on the next day thinking about Ann, and like Tom didn't even exist. He didn't exist. But then as the day went on I felt gross and trashy. What happened?
And yes, my boyfriend knows about it. We talked a lot but I don't want to say how it went or how we figured it out; I want TwoXChromosome's unbiased perspective. What was this??
Edit: I did NOT find the male attractive. Also this was my first and probably last experience with a woman, and the second HUMAN I've kissed in my entire life (My boyfriend being the first, and I haven't kissed a woman before)
Edit 2: I was drunk before it started, sobered up more during, and then left.
Anonymous B joined in and replied with this 8 years ago, 4 minutes later, 32 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,857
why do you think something happened to it
kook !!OPZbEQMT1 (OP) replied with this 8 years ago, 1 minute later, 34 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,858
brie !iFDoautiSM joined in and replied with this 8 years ago, 5 minutes later, 39 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,860
I don't think so.
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU joined in and replied with this 8 years ago, 2 minutes later, 41 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,861
It seems like a complete disaster all around. I'd say the guy touching her after she repeatedly tells him not to is sexual assault yeah, but the woman telling the story definitely didn't pick up on cues that they were a couple looking for a threesome even if the guy lied about it. Idk there are no winners in this story. This is why it is objectively correct to never sleep with anyone, and abstinence is the only logical sexual lifestyle.
(Edited 2 minutes later.)
kook !!OPZbEQMT1 (OP) replied with this 8 years ago, 5 minutes later, 47 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,865
chili dog !!81dzJNNYL joined in and replied with this 8 years ago, 2 minutes later, 50 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,869
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 8 years ago, 4 seconds later, 50 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,870
@839,865 (kook !!OPZbEQMT1)
She was never penetrated in the story so legally I don't think it's rape (could be wrong, IANAL, also I'm not a licensed to practice law). I could see some lesser sexual assault charge being applicable but this seems like a clusterfuck of a case to try.
She was never penetrated in the story so legally I don't think it's rape (could be wrong, IANAL, also I'm not a licensed to practice law). I could see some lesser sexual assault charge being applicable but this seems like a clusterfuck of a case to try.
brie !iFDoautiSM replied with this 8 years ago, 1 minute later, 51 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,872
chili dog !!81dzJNNYL replied with this 8 years ago, 37 seconds later, 52 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,874
she's just fucking naive
Sheila LaBoof joined in and replied with this 8 years ago, 35 seconds later, 52 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,877
@839,870 (Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU)
> She was never penetrated in the story so legally I don't think it's rape (could be wrong, IANAL, also I'm not a licensed to practice law). I could see some lesser sexual assault charge being applicable but this seems like a clusterfuck of a case to try.
you ANAL? lol
> She was never penetrated in the story so legally I don't think it's rape (could be wrong, IANAL, also I'm not a licensed to practice law). I could see some lesser sexual assault charge being applicable but this seems like a clusterfuck of a case to try.
you ANAL? lol
brie !iFDoautiSM replied with this 8 years ago, 1 minute later, 54 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,880
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 8 years ago, 55 seconds later, 55 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #839,883
@839,877 (Sheila LaBoof)
IANAL is an abbreviation for "I Am Not A Lawyer". Any inference that it means something else is the product of a mind in the gutter.
IANAL is an abbreviation for "I Am Not A Lawyer". Any inference that it means something else is the product of a mind in the gutter.
Sheila LaBoof replied with this 8 years ago, 8 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,892
the fuckin thing has ANAL in it
why would that make me think, oh the guy says he's not some specific job
IANAP -- can you guess what job I meant?
why would that make me think, oh the guy says he's not some specific job
IANAP -- can you guess what job I meant?
Anonymous C replied with this 8 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,894
Anonymous B replied with this 8 years ago, 27 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,896
kook !!OPZbEQMT1 (OP) replied with this 8 years ago, 2 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,899
@839,872 (brie !iFDoautiSM)
She said that the next day the girl part turned her on and she's ignoring the guy part/feeling trashy about it
She said that the next day the girl part turned her on and she's ignoring the guy part/feeling trashy about it
kook !!OPZbEQMT1 (OP) double-posted this 8 years ago, 51 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,900
@839,874 (chili dog !!81dzJNNYL)
Way would she fuck in front of a handsy guy anyway? I dont understand that at all.
Way would she fuck in front of a handsy guy anyway? I dont understand that at all.
Anonymous B replied with this 8 years ago, 11 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,902
kook !!OPZbEQMT1 (OP) replied with this 8 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,904
brie !iFDoautiSM replied with this 8 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,905
@839,899 (kook !!OPZbEQMT1)
Why do you think she spent so much of the start of the story mentioning her boyfriend? It doesn't seem that relevant to the story.
Why do you think she spent so much of the start of the story mentioning her boyfriend? It doesn't seem that relevant to the story.
chili dog !!81dzJNNYL replied with this 8 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,908
kook !!OPZbEQMT1 (OP) replied with this 8 years ago, 31 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,909
@839,905 (brie !iFDoautiSM)
Shes also implying that her and her boyfriend worked out that it didnt count as cheating because it was sexual assault.
Would she accept such an excuse if the same thing had happened to her boyfriend?
Shes also implying that her and her boyfriend worked out that it didnt count as cheating because it was sexual assault.
Would she accept such an excuse if the same thing had happened to her boyfriend?
brie !iFDoautiSM replied with this 8 years ago, 48 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,911
kook !!OPZbEQMT1 (OP) replied with this 8 years ago, 2 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,916
brie !iFDoautiSM replied with this 8 years ago, 2 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,918
kook !!OPZbEQMT1 (OP) replied with this 8 years ago, 10 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,920
brie !iFDoautiSM replied with this 8 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,921
@previous (kook !!OPZbEQMT1)
I saw one today that just said "Men are problematic." There was no body to the submission.
I saw one today that just said "Men are problematic." There was no body to the submission.
kook !!OPZbEQMT1 (OP) replied with this 8 years ago, 7 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #839,924
Anonymous G joined in and replied with this 8 years ago, 13 hours later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #840,035
@previous (kook !!OPZbEQMT1)
She chose to stay after telling the guy she wanted no part of him. She made her choice and he made his.
She chose to stay after telling the guy she wanted no part of him. She made her choice and he made his.