Topic: Passing as straight is not privilege.
Anonymous A started this discussion 9 years ago #59,409
As an asexual heteroromantic woman, I've received a lot of remarks about not needing to come out, not belonging in the queer community, etc. simply because in a relationship, I appear to be straight. I have straight-passing 'privilege'.
The thing is, being assumed straight is anything but a privilege. I'm sure that bisexual/pansexual/polysexual people can relate to this: making assumptions based on who we date erases our sexuality. You may think, "Oh, but she's heteroromantic, that's straight enough," but this line of thinking erases my struggles. Not only that, it also makes asexuality even less visible. Making it lesser known means more generations of kids growing up not knowing that they are not broken. Erasure does nothing to help us. As an asexual (non-heterosexual) individual in a sexual society, I've been through years of persistent questioning and second-guessing, years of having my experiences outright dismissed by the people I love, and the road to acceptance, even for a straight-passing person, is rocky as hell.
So when you say that I don't belong under LGBT+, when you say that I should not make a big deal of coming out, when you refuse to see my identity as a valid, non-straight orientation, I have to remind you that passing as straight is not a privilege. You're correct when you say that in a heteroromantic relationship I will face no legal discrimination, and yes, in that way, I am lucky. Aside from this, however, having my identity mistaken is not a privilege. Having my struggles dismissed is not a privilege. Having my experiences misunderstood is not a privilege.
The confusion and anxiety I feel about which community I belong to is not a privilege.
Please don't tell me that I can't come out because I'm "pretty much straight". When I come out to you, all I want is for you to listen and understand what I've been through and who I am. Be a friend. That's all I ask.
The thing is, being assumed straight is anything but a privilege. I'm sure that bisexual/pansexual/polysexual people can relate to this: making assumptions based on who we date erases our sexuality. You may think, "Oh, but she's heteroromantic, that's straight enough," but this line of thinking erases my struggles. Not only that, it also makes asexuality even less visible. Making it lesser known means more generations of kids growing up not knowing that they are not broken. Erasure does nothing to help us. As an asexual (non-heterosexual) individual in a sexual society, I've been through years of persistent questioning and second-guessing, years of having my experiences outright dismissed by the people I love, and the road to acceptance, even for a straight-passing person, is rocky as hell.
So when you say that I don't belong under LGBT+, when you say that I should not make a big deal of coming out, when you refuse to see my identity as a valid, non-straight orientation, I have to remind you that passing as straight is not a privilege. You're correct when you say that in a heteroromantic relationship I will face no legal discrimination, and yes, in that way, I am lucky. Aside from this, however, having my identity mistaken is not a privilege. Having my struggles dismissed is not a privilege. Having my experiences misunderstood is not a privilege.
The confusion and anxiety I feel about which community I belong to is not a privilege.
Please don't tell me that I can't come out because I'm "pretty much straight". When I come out to you, all I want is for you to listen and understand what I've been through and who I am. Be a friend. That's all I ask.
ken griffey sr joined in and replied with this 9 years ago, 10 minutes later[^] [v] #756,023
is this an asexual hetero person saying that they feel excluded by LGBT community? because that happens. but passing as straight is a privelege. struggling with dealing with asexual invisibility isnt doesn't mean you can't also carry 'straight privelege' conventionally. does the person who wrote this have straight privileges? yes, especially because they're heteroromantic. but the exclusion of someone whose struggle with their sexuality/others' perception of it by the LGBT community, perceived or not, is a problem.
also I don't understand the whole coming out thing so I'm not going to comment. come out as asexual to who exactly? I can see how that would be a difficult subject romantically but like... do people come out as asexual to their parents or whatever?? that would be pretty funny tbh
also I don't understand the whole coming out thing so I'm not going to comment. come out as asexual to who exactly? I can see how that would be a difficult subject romantically but like... do people come out as asexual to their parents or whatever?? that would be pretty funny tbh
ken griffey sr double-posted this 9 years ago, 1 minute later, 11 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #756,024
also that person/you isn't technically queer so... what are you getting at?
ken griffey sr triple-posted this 9 years ago, 2 minutes later, 14 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #756,025
like this whole thing would be valid of the subject were a queer/bisexual person in a seemingly 'hetero' relationship. but what? the writer admits to being heteromantic. am I insensitive to think that asexuality isn't... queer? especially in this case?
(Edited 27 seconds later.)
Anonymous C joined in and replied with this 9 years ago, 9 minutes later, 24 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #756,031
Anonymous D joined in and replied with this 9 years ago, 3 hours later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #756,069
@756,025 (ken griffey sr)
You have a kind heart but have spent too long in Sandy Fran Kiss Go.
You have a kind heart but have spent too long in Sandy Fran Kiss Go.
(Edited 12 seconds later.)
? joined in and replied with this 9 years ago, 1 hour later, 5 hours after the original post[^] [v] #756,074
WSD !m2cp3rR5zw joined in and replied with this 9 years ago, 40 minutes later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #756,077
> As an asexual heteroromantic woman
*As a USAmerican woman
Thanks.
*As a USAmerican woman
Thanks.
Meta joined in and replied with this 9 years ago, 1 hour later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #756,082
The Doctor !7MHPahvoGY joined in and replied with this 9 years ago, 18 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #756,087
@previous (Meta)If that's the case, why does it have its own letter in the LGBTQIAlphabet soup? Why don't LGBTards just call themselves Q?