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Topic: Suicide Talk (23 y/o male just saying his mind)

Surge started this discussion 9 years ago #58,943

I know dozens of ways to commit suicide and have the balls to do it, but I just feel like I'm waiting for something, it's stupid really but it's like I'm waiting for something to happen before I can let go. Besides all my ways are a little brutal but 100% gonna work. Anyone care to share some knowledge, of there ways of letting go. Don't get me wrong drowning, electrocution, being hit by a car going fast enough or even a noose, I know how to do each with a guaranteed death, but is there another way to go about it without ending it so violently? I have pretty bad depression sometimes and I'm only 23, I know what do I know. I've experienced a lot been around the world and done stupid things and made stupid choices. One stupid choice was to get involved with crystal meth whilst I was living in Australia, which turned into a year of constant heavy use first smoking then needles, which has had a pretty negative impact on my brain and in turn my life. Nothing is the same, I don't enjoy anything, I don't go anywhere, I don't like seeing anyone, I don't even want to go downstairs open the fridge and even eat breakfast at 8:34pm. I'm a 23 year old guy with absolutely no motivation anymore and no ability to look to the future anymore, yet I'm still holding off still waiting for something, it better be something good because going through all this sucks. People says there's groups and drugs and this and that to help through it, but what's the point, if it takes that much energy that much time that much going out of the way just to make you happy then there really is no point trying. I remember I used to wake up and just go about with life without being like this at all, I would some what enjoy seeing friends, doing stuff, painting, and all that, but now, it's nearly impossible for me to sit down and draw anything (I used to love making art drawings or models or even cosplay stuff) and that sucks because that's what made me, me. I have a constant battle with my head to becomeme again but anything I do my brain just says no. I don't have many friends left as apparently I no longer know how to not insult / cause fights with them. My list of hobbies now, is; lay in bed all day, go to the toilet if needed if hunger gets to much go eat, and pointlessly play stupid games on my phone. That's all, that's all I want to do, but that's not true because that's not me. And I don't want this to be the rest of my life. The way I see it whilst people still have good memories of me now is the time to do it because the longer you wait the more those memories are replaced with whatever it is they see me as now. I want to die, but for some unknown reason I don't want to go just yet and I hate that. I have a feeling this is my last year (2017) so I hope whatever I'm waiting for happens this year, because I'm done waiting. I know this went on, and it turned from me asking something to me just spewing my thoughts (that's the problem with my head it can never stick to what I originally thought of) so sorry for this being so long if anyone wants to comment on that, literally good or bad it doesn't really phase me I know how to internet, but it just helps a bit to tell someone, even if I'm telling no one. Something to add I've been to group depression classes (completely unhelpful) I don't take my citalipram anymore (it was only really for my anxiety anyway which is under control now with the aid of smoking weed), I was seen by a crisis team because I overdosed on my citalipram and went for a drive somewhere for the day (I sat in my car the whole time), cut my entire arm from tip to shoulder with a Stanley knife and then when I was able to drive again I drove home (I already knew prior to taking them that they wouldn't kill me, if anything I'll just get liver damage). I had a brief period where I was doing better and exercised every morning without exception for a couple months. But I've slipped back into it again where I just don't see the point anymore. There's of photo of me about a year ago, I dont really shave or cut my hair or even shower anymore though.

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Anonymous B joined in and replied with this 9 years ago, 6 minutes later[^] [v] #752,037

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