Minichan

> quantum time herb matrix

I had to expand my Turkey cooking plan2, 4 Turkeys and 4 Peking Ducks (being delivered from a 1st class Chinese place and NOT near by me)

If u have recipe for quantum time herb matrix I could use some extra tyme for tomorrow re preps

you guys aren't going to believe this, but a multidimensional army of quantum time tripping squeegees is clashing with an endless legion of intellectual property stealing time hacking russian KGB agents in a violent showdown roiling across all of space-time. you may need some context...

having arrived in the year 2080 i was first impressed with how fucking dank this new proprietary blend of quantum time herb is. then i was impressed by the literal liberal utopia engulfing the entire planet in harmony and peace. gone were the walls, and pollution and hovering kill bots and there wasn't a single red hat in sight. i immediately headed down to the local government funded library of education and joined with a group of hopeful wonderers in a round table of Socratic discussion on the subject of early 21st century american politics. it was a incredibly diverse group with many different multicultural perspectives. what i discovered is that in 2016 a private russian company, very likely acting on behest of the russian intelligence agency, worked to deploy a new form of cyber attack against the american government. the attack, modeled closely to the Stuxnet Worm that had years before been shown to have damaged Iranian industrial plutonium centrifuges, worked on routers developed by Cisco systems and used by both the voting and tabulating equipment to report totals through encrypted connections to a central server. the tabulation was correct, guaranteeing the systems did not report errors. however, the malware created a disparity upon reporting the totals, and restored it upon verification.

this created a situation whereby a small handful of districts in a hand full of democratic stronghold states were able to tip the entire state towards a specific candidate. once the system was rigged, one candidate was smeared by a large release of hacked e-mails inflaming a scandal that all but guaranteed an "upset" would be blamed on that candidate losing voter confidence in the waning days of the election.

but the subversion had deeper roots than just mere election tampering. several key members of the president-elect's transition team were arrested for conspiracy to aid a foreign power interfering in the election. the american intelligence community was well aware of the attacks, but there was an unwillingness to go public with the information lest it undermine the democratic system. the President elect was made aware of the attack at the first meeting between him and the president. the transition would continue unabated, however, a 3rd party would contest the election and demand a recount in the key states attacked. as the recount process continued over the course of the president-elect's tenure it became more and more apparent that the tabulation was not matching with the expected results.

many months after being sworn into office, and after the recount shows the democratic candidate to have been the true winner of the election, the supreme court steps in and begins the process of declaring trump invalid - a process that would arguably be an overreach of judicial powers and could launch the country into open revolt. with no precedents going forward, the country braced for the worst civil unrest the country had known since the civil war. the whole country was beset with fear, and the markets froze as the world waited to see if america would crumble under this enormous, momentous strain.

in that moment of great uncertainty, president donald j. trump tweeted these historic words: chill out. fair is fair, I resign. Not that great of a job n e way. #shecanhaveit

over the following months a new transition, never before heard of in american history takes place, installing the rightful person to the presidency. Donald Trump left the political arena to focus on his world wide business interests flourishing after his stint in the white house. his selfless sacrifice saved the country from untold damage and transformed the transfer of power into a cause for celebration across the world. amid this celebration, trump was upheld as a hero. a hero for the small man with no voice who could crash the system and break into the white house, if for only a little while. and a hero for every american who would act in the interest of their country. his campaign would resonate for a generation, and help to shape american conservative politics, and his name would go down in history as one of the most selfless and patriotic of all modern day US presidents.

this. is. unacceptable.

as soon as i learned what i needed to know, i said goodbye to my new liberal companions and thanked them for the government subsidized education. i then headed down to the universal healthcare clinic and got a cancer vaccine and had them cure my various venereal diseases before tripping back to early 2016 to find squeegee before he transitions. as a girl i figured i could use a man's help. we had to figure out why history had changed like this, and find a way to stop trump from redeeming himself and being looked kindly upon by history.

squeegee really fucking dislikes that tv show host. like a lot. when he learned that he actually won the nomination and then the election he went crazy. he grabbed the vaporization apparatus from me, fired up the quantum time matrix and disappeared into a fog of quantum time. but he has zero tolerance for the stuff, and it's, like, some primo shit. he started reappearing, and then disappearing, blinking into and out of quantum time at an accelerating rate. suddenly the squeegees all resolved as many dozens, then hundreds, then thousands of squeegees from thousands of different times - all separated by just a few milliseconds. it was weird. listening to them talk was like listening to a vibration. one would start and a thousand would chime in offset by nanoseconds each. all saying and doing the same thing. and replicating. somewhere out there squeegee was skipping through time like a stone and resolving an entire multiverse of squeegee's into our dimension.

the squeegees all began to time trip all over history, changing things to alter the outcome. but they discovered that no matter what they did the universe would always fix itself back to either a world where sex slaves are fucked by kill bots and we pay for the privileged to live, or a world where donald trump is remembered as venerable. it was then that the squeegees uncovered a small cell of russian intellectual property thieving KGB agents that had stolen my plans for quantum time tripping and were using it to interfere in the election and stop changes from effecting their preferred time time. time hackers are a pain in the fucking ass to get rid of, and the squeegees have't helped the situation much since the russian time hackers know how to duplicate themselves now too. the squeegees are an idiot - they lost a whole kilo of powdered accelerator to a russian phising email. i... i don't even...

so now there's like an infinite legion of them all battling it out across history, and at this point i don't know if anything i remember is real anymore. i just don't think there really used to be as many assassinations as i'm remembering as having had happen. i warned the squeegees against focusing on killing people's grandparents as a general strategy. i think at this point i have to try and stop the squeegees from creating so many paradoxes they tear a quantum time hole in the multiverse.

and it's going to take a lot of Jubilee Starshines to do that. wish me luck.

(Edited 3 minutes later.)