Topic: do you masturbate to thoughts of bert?
Anonymous A started this discussion 10 years ago #50,682
be honest..
Anonymous B joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 28 seconds later[^] [v] #657,548
a fat homosexual who gets curbstomped by respectable black gentlemen? oh yes.
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 10 years ago, 5 minutes later, 6 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #657,550
beckyderp !4aMoRa.T2Q joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 45 seconds later, 6 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #657,551
No lol
Big Daddy Derek !Uvm54ORbmo joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 42 minutes later, 49 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #657,554
@OP
Why? Do you?
Why? Do you?
Anonymous E joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 14 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #657,558
OP confirmed for masturbating at the thought of Bert.
DasSheeple joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 36 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #657,562
@OPenis is once again, a gigantic faggot.
Anonymous G joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 1 hour later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #657,575
> this topic existsAnonymous H joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 1 hour later, 4 hours after the original post[^] [v] #657,596
Anonymous I joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 1 hour later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #657,622
I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me.
For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust.
Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.
For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust.
Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.