Topic: tuesday joke time..
Anonymous A started this discussion 10 years ago #49,609
The dentist
A man goes to the dentist have a tooth pulled....
The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles" the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects.
"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says"Here's a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist" but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth.
A man goes to the dentist have a tooth pulled....
The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles" the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects.
"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!"
The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection," the patient says. "I'm fine with pills."
The dentist then returns and says"Here's a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't" said the dentist" but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth.
Anonymous B joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 15 minutes later[^] [v] #644,853
Q: How does bert show he's planning for the future?
A: He buys two bottles of Everclear, instead of one.
A: He buys two bottles of Everclear, instead of one.
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 10 years ago, 4 minutes later, 20 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #644,856
what's the difference between your wife and the angry anons..
after five years the angry anons still suck..
after five years the angry anons still suck..
Anonymous C joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 16 minutes later, 36 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #644,858
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make bert start talking nonsense!
A: Both of them make bert start talking nonsense!
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 10 years ago, 12 minutes later, 49 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #644,869
As a guy sat in the living room his five year old shouted at him from the back door.
I can't hear you if you're shouting from outside...the guy said.
Again the kid he shouted back.
The man got pissed off and said I can't hear you from there...It's rude to shout..
If you want me to hear you, walk into the living room..
A few moments later his son appeared in the living room.
Dad, I've got dog shit all over my shoes.
I can't hear you if you're shouting from outside...the guy said.
Again the kid he shouted back.
The man got pissed off and said I can't hear you from there...It's rude to shout..
If you want me to hear you, walk into the living room..
A few moments later his son appeared in the living room.
Dad, I've got dog shit all over my shoes.
(Edited 13 seconds later.)
Anonymous A (OP) double-posted this 10 years ago, 10 minutes later, 59 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #644,871
A student brings a girl he picked up back to his apartment and, after being there a few minutes the girl notices a giant gong and a mallet. She asks him what it's for and he replies, "It's a talking clock."
She's amazed and asks him how it works, so the student proceeds to pick up the mallet and hit the gong as hard as he can.
The two stand there for a moment, before a voice from the other side of the wall screams, "What are you fucking playing at, it's three fifteen in the fucking morning!"
She's amazed and asks him how it works, so the student proceeds to pick up the mallet and hit the gong as hard as he can.
The two stand there for a moment, before a voice from the other side of the wall screams, "What are you fucking playing at, it's three fifteen in the fucking morning!"
Anonymous A (OP) triple-posted this 10 years ago, 11 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #644,876
So this ten year old boy walks into a brothel, and he's carrying this dead frog on a stick. He goes to the madam and says, "I want to get a hooker."
She looks at him and says that he's too young. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hundred dollar bill. "I said I want to get a hooker."
"Fine kid."
"...And I want her to have the clap."
The madam looks at the kid and says no. A hooker, sure, but a hooker with the clap, no. The kid pulls out another hundred dollar bill. "I said I want a whore with the clap."
"Fine."
"...And herpes."
The madam balks. No, she says. Thats too much. So he pulls aout another hundred dollars. "I said I want a hooker with herpes."
"Alright fine. Whatever."
"...And AIDS."
The madam stares at the kid with wide-eyed horror.
"No. I'm not going to give you AIDs."
He pulls out a hundred dollars.
"No. This is just wrong. How would I live with myself?"
He throws out another hundred. The madam looks at the kid and decides that he's not going to back down. If she doesn't give him what he wants, someone else probably would. ANd anyway, It is the kids life, after all.
"Fine," she says. "Up the stairs, third door on the left."
The kid walks up the stairs. The stick with the dead frog bouncing as he goes up the steps. He walks into the room and shuts the door.
Ten minutes later he steps out the room, walks down the steps, and is about to walk out the door when the madam stops him.
"Tell me," she says, "Why did you want to throw your life away like that. I mean, your ten years old and you have the clap. And worse, you have herpes. And even worse, you have AIDs. Why would you do that?
The boy turns to her and says, "When I get home, I'm going to jerk off on my babysitters tampon. Sometime later, after I'm in bed, my dad is going to gently caress her. Sometime, in the next month, my dad is going to gently caress my mom. And the next morning, my mom is going to gently caress the mailman."
"And the mailman," the boy said," He's the one that ran over my frog."
She looks at him and says that he's too young. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hundred dollar bill. "I said I want to get a hooker."
"Fine kid."
"...And I want her to have the clap."
The madam looks at the kid and says no. A hooker, sure, but a hooker with the clap, no. The kid pulls out another hundred dollar bill. "I said I want a whore with the clap."
"Fine."
"...And herpes."
The madam balks. No, she says. Thats too much. So he pulls aout another hundred dollars. "I said I want a hooker with herpes."
"Alright fine. Whatever."
"...And AIDS."
The madam stares at the kid with wide-eyed horror.
"No. I'm not going to give you AIDs."
He pulls out a hundred dollars.
"No. This is just wrong. How would I live with myself?"
He throws out another hundred. The madam looks at the kid and decides that he's not going to back down. If she doesn't give him what he wants, someone else probably would. ANd anyway, It is the kids life, after all.
"Fine," she says. "Up the stairs, third door on the left."
The kid walks up the stairs. The stick with the dead frog bouncing as he goes up the steps. He walks into the room and shuts the door.
Ten minutes later he steps out the room, walks down the steps, and is about to walk out the door when the madam stops him.
"Tell me," she says, "Why did you want to throw your life away like that. I mean, your ten years old and you have the clap. And worse, you have herpes. And even worse, you have AIDs. Why would you do that?
The boy turns to her and says, "When I get home, I'm going to jerk off on my babysitters tampon. Sometime later, after I'm in bed, my dad is going to gently caress her. Sometime, in the next month, my dad is going to gently caress my mom. And the next morning, my mom is going to gently caress the mailman."
"And the mailman," the boy said," He's the one that ran over my frog."
Anonymous D joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 8 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #644,879
gross thread
Gross jokes
Gross jokes
Meowth joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 14 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #644,885
Your jokes suck.
Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 37 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #644,909
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer. It never gets oldAnonymous G joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 6 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #644,912
Anonymous H joined in and replied with this 10 years ago, 12 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #644,921
How to tell Bert gave a nigger a bad blowjob.