Topic: ITT: Poorly Written Erotica
Anonymous A started this discussion 15 years ago #489
Post links to poorly written erotica, and excepts from said erotica.
http://www.asstr.org/~ermberto/sisterslut2.htm
> ram it up my crap-chute
> my sweet whore of a sister!
> his fiery hard prick
> "She's writhing like a rabbit in a snare, cumming so hard with our big dicks in her."
> "Your cock is slathered with shit,"
> she let out a spermy belch and giggled.
http://www.asstr.org/~ermberto/sisterslut2.htm
> ram it up my crap-chute
> my sweet whore of a sister!
> his fiery hard prick
> "She's writhing like a rabbit in a snare, cumming so hard with our big dicks in her."
> "Your cock is slathered with shit,"
> she let out a spermy belch and giggled.
Anonymous B joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later[^] [v] #9,517
Oh god, you have just had a wank, havent you?
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 46 seconds later, 2 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #9,520
Yes
Anonymous B replied with this 15 years ago, 1 hour later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #9,576
urgh
do you have cum on your keyboard?
do you have cum on your keyboard?
totoforhire !!hWKWsQ1mC joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 hour later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,668
Erotica is such a crapshoot. I have to spend a lot of time slogging through shit, to find something masturbation worthy.
Anonymous B replied with this 15 years ago, 9 minutes later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,676
totoforhire !!hWKWsQ1mC replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,678
advi !!3gpAcg/hF joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 43 seconds later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,679
@9,668 (totoforhire !!hWKWsQ1mC)
i like to write some occasionally just for the sake of childhood rape.
i like to write some occasionally just for the sake of childhood rape.
totoforhire !!hWKWsQ1mC replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,686
Anonymous B replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,688
totoforhire !!hWKWsQ1mC replied with this 15 years ago, 22 seconds later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,691
Anonymous B replied with this 15 years ago, 54 seconds later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,694
totoforhire !!hWKWsQ1mC replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,702
advi !!3gpAcg/hF replied with this 15 years ago, 48 seconds later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,705
totoforhire !!hWKWsQ1mC replied with this 15 years ago, 39 seconds later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,706
advi !!3gpAcg/hF replied with this 15 years ago, 17 minutes later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,722
jump !VIfloDyEYo joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 13 minutes later, 4 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,756
A link? Here's some original work.
"Oh, great," muttered Kim as she stepped out of the Starbucks. "Pardon, Mademoiselle, do I detect distress?" Kim turned, startled. She took in this tall stranger in one hungry glance. Those penetrating eyes, that bulge in his pants he couldn't conceal if he tried, Kim knew right then what she wanted. Finally, it seemed like her luck was going to turn. "Why, I just got here from North Korea by way of The People's Republic of China. I was to meet my family here, but I not find them. I don't know what I will do." "Oh, mon amie perhaps I could spend some time with you." "Oh, I would love that. My car is around the block. I want to suck you dry. I have never had american cock." She grabbed the tall stranger by his crotch and began to lead him to her car.
Kim had not been this excited since the day she had escaped from Work Camp #21. She reached for the handle of her door, and could feel the bulge in the man's pants become firmer, when there was a shrill cry.
"Matt, come on. We're headed home."
"Oh, so..sorry. Thats my mom... she's my ride," stammered Matt. Kim felt like she did the first 530 days she was in Work Camp #21. Shamed.
"Oh, great," muttered Kim as she stepped out of the Starbucks. "Pardon, Mademoiselle, do I detect distress?" Kim turned, startled. She took in this tall stranger in one hungry glance. Those penetrating eyes, that bulge in his pants he couldn't conceal if he tried, Kim knew right then what she wanted. Finally, it seemed like her luck was going to turn. "Why, I just got here from North Korea by way of The People's Republic of China. I was to meet my family here, but I not find them. I don't know what I will do." "Oh, mon amie perhaps I could spend some time with you." "Oh, I would love that. My car is around the block. I want to suck you dry. I have never had american cock." She grabbed the tall stranger by his crotch and began to lead him to her car.
Kim had not been this excited since the day she had escaped from Work Camp #21. She reached for the handle of her door, and could feel the bulge in the man's pants become firmer, when there was a shrill cry.
"Matt, come on. We're headed home."
"Oh, so..sorry. Thats my mom... she's my ride," stammered Matt. Kim felt like she did the first 530 days she was in Work Camp #21. Shamed.
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 7 minutes later, 4 hours after the original post[^] [v] #9,776
Some things at stories.xnxx.com are just laughably unreadable.
Anonymous G joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 4 hours later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,101
Anonymous G double-posted this 15 years ago, 16 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,126
(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
> Size 48kb
> (WARNING: the story may be very long and may take long time to download)
> Size 48kb
> (WARNING: the story may be very long and may take long time to download)
Anonymous G triple-posted this 15 years ago, 11 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,149
(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
48kb??? I only get 80 a month!
48kb??? I only get 80 a month!
The Magogo„¢ !!F0+vKzoih joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 39 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,209
She slid her piehole around his manmeatrod, and began thrashing and oscillating. Soon, his skin-flute began vomiting up thick sperm-gel.
hamfist !a4fa8BKGtQ joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 5 hours later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,686
advi !!3gpAcg/hF joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,700
totoforhire !!TPesVWBmL replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,716
advi !!3gpAcg/hF replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,720
Anonymous L joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 36 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,767
totoforhire !!TPesVWBmL replied with this 15 years ago, 5 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,771
advi !!3gpAcg/hF replied with this 15 years ago, 1 hour later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,823
i rewrote this one i wrote for /vp/
Trodding through his back door late at night, the young man and his loyal companion wandered off through the cold, creaking hallways to their soft, warm beds. They worked very hard all day and enjoyed a few victories, it was a wonderful day for them to bond and grow together.....but it was late, and they needed sleep. They could always celebrate tomorrow.
The trainer yawned loudly as he opened his bedroom door, threw off his clothes and slid lazily into bed, ready to collapse in his covers.
"Ahh....goodnight, Flareon," he whispered to his partner. She mewed back softly from the corner of the room, flares dancing happily from her tail as she curled into her bed.
"I love you, Flareon, see you tomorrow. Get some sleep, okay?" and at that, he rested his head and fell asleep instantly. His friends always mocked him for saying such emotional things to a pet, but he felt that forming a close bond with his team made them powerful. It was a typical thing for him to say before bed, but for the fiery fox in the corner, it was something deeply special.
That night, the Pokémon lied awake in bed, unable to sleep. Her heart was pounding very hard, she was writhing around in anticipation....every time he said those three little words, her mind raced wildly. She wanted to show her that he loved him too, but all they did was fight. She wanted to do more for her partner, and she decided that night, she finally would.
After half an hour or so, the curious little creature, wagging her tail, slowly tip-toed her way to her master's bed. She clambered up onto the tall mattress and trodded lightly over the covers, very careful not to disturb him.
His master awoke a few seconds later, feeling something on his sensitive place.
"Aggh, Flareon, what are...!" half a moment after recognizing his Pokémon's flaming tufts of fur, he stammered nervously after realizing her face was in his groin, rubbing him with her nose.
The creature cooed calmly and intently, knowing what she wanted, before he could react, the Pokémon nipped the waist of his pants and yanked them down, leaving him naked from his ankles up.
Just as the trainer was about to grab his partner, he recoiled in shock at the feeling of a wet, rough appendage on his sensitive part. This was a strange, alien sensation to the young man....he was not sure what to do, so he simply sat there and watched in dazed, exhausted embarrassment as his Flareon licked his naughty place generously.
The creature took the boy's hard, throbbing member into her mouth, murring and mewing cutely all the meanwhile, bobbing her head up and down, her teeth grazing his cock ever so slightly, her inexperience showing; the boy was too mezmerized to notice, his head rocked back, panting hotly and yelping with a slurred voice.
"Ahhhnn......this isn't.....ahh.....Flareon, s-stop....." the boy tried to ask his loyal pet, but the feeling was just too great, he was helpless.
The Flareon clenched her eyes shut as she took the entire length into her throat, holding it there for a moment before letting go, gasping and panting in the sweetest, cutest voice, shyly clambering around over the trainer and onto his lap, raising her behind over the boy's cock.
The boy looked forward again to see the creatures face: bright red, smiling bashfully, as innocent as the day she evolved. She looked like she had never been happier in her life.
The boy, still in disbelief, tried to gather his words and stop her strange behavior. "Flareon, this....this isn't right, I'm a person and you're...."
The boy stopped as soon as he saw the look in his Pokémon's eyes: they glittered softly, staring into his soul with a loving glow. They sparkled like brilliant jewels, and the boy knew this is what his Pokémon wanted to do to bond with her partner. He silently nodded, still not sure what to do, and laid back in anticipation.
The Pokémon smiled warmly and with her front paws planted firmly on the trainer's chest, she slowly lowered down over the boy's cock until it went up into her dripping wet slit....they both gasped loudly in surprise. It felt so warm and tight, the boy was about to melt in delight as the fox started to bounce up and down on his crotch.
The creature panted and yelped softly as his length went in and out of her rapidly, lowering herself deeper and deeper onto him until she was smacking wetly against his lap. The boy felt a strong pressure build up inside him and he shakily grasped the Pokémon's hips and lifted her up and down in rhythm with her movements.
The creature finally thrusted down hard onto the boy and mewed loudly as she and the boy burst with warm, sticky juices all over their crotches; the trainer filled her pet with his sticky seed, bucking his hips deep into her warm pussy. They collapsed on the bed and panted exhaustedly.
The creature looked up at her trainer, pulled up off of his cock, and gave him a kiss on the cheek; she crawled off into her bed and fell asleep, safe and sound.
The boy smiled, dizzy and drained with ecstasy, and laid down on his pillow, and fell asleep. The two had bonded very closely that night, and the boy hoped their friendship would be stronger than ever.....and deep down, in the back of his mind, he hoped it would become more than that.
Trodding through his back door late at night, the young man and his loyal companion wandered off through the cold, creaking hallways to their soft, warm beds. They worked very hard all day and enjoyed a few victories, it was a wonderful day for them to bond and grow together.....but it was late, and they needed sleep. They could always celebrate tomorrow.
The trainer yawned loudly as he opened his bedroom door, threw off his clothes and slid lazily into bed, ready to collapse in his covers.
"Ahh....goodnight, Flareon," he whispered to his partner. She mewed back softly from the corner of the room, flares dancing happily from her tail as she curled into her bed.
"I love you, Flareon, see you tomorrow. Get some sleep, okay?" and at that, he rested his head and fell asleep instantly. His friends always mocked him for saying such emotional things to a pet, but he felt that forming a close bond with his team made them powerful. It was a typical thing for him to say before bed, but for the fiery fox in the corner, it was something deeply special.
That night, the Pokémon lied awake in bed, unable to sleep. Her heart was pounding very hard, she was writhing around in anticipation....every time he said those three little words, her mind raced wildly. She wanted to show her that he loved him too, but all they did was fight. She wanted to do more for her partner, and she decided that night, she finally would.
After half an hour or so, the curious little creature, wagging her tail, slowly tip-toed her way to her master's bed. She clambered up onto the tall mattress and trodded lightly over the covers, very careful not to disturb him.
His master awoke a few seconds later, feeling something on his sensitive place.
"Aggh, Flareon, what are...!" half a moment after recognizing his Pokémon's flaming tufts of fur, he stammered nervously after realizing her face was in his groin, rubbing him with her nose.
The creature cooed calmly and intently, knowing what she wanted, before he could react, the Pokémon nipped the waist of his pants and yanked them down, leaving him naked from his ankles up.
Just as the trainer was about to grab his partner, he recoiled in shock at the feeling of a wet, rough appendage on his sensitive part. This was a strange, alien sensation to the young man....he was not sure what to do, so he simply sat there and watched in dazed, exhausted embarrassment as his Flareon licked his naughty place generously.
The creature took the boy's hard, throbbing member into her mouth, murring and mewing cutely all the meanwhile, bobbing her head up and down, her teeth grazing his cock ever so slightly, her inexperience showing; the boy was too mezmerized to notice, his head rocked back, panting hotly and yelping with a slurred voice.
"Ahhhnn......this isn't.....ahh.....Flareon, s-stop....." the boy tried to ask his loyal pet, but the feeling was just too great, he was helpless.
The Flareon clenched her eyes shut as she took the entire length into her throat, holding it there for a moment before letting go, gasping and panting in the sweetest, cutest voice, shyly clambering around over the trainer and onto his lap, raising her behind over the boy's cock.
The boy looked forward again to see the creatures face: bright red, smiling bashfully, as innocent as the day she evolved. She looked like she had never been happier in her life.
The boy, still in disbelief, tried to gather his words and stop her strange behavior. "Flareon, this....this isn't right, I'm a person and you're...."
The boy stopped as soon as he saw the look in his Pokémon's eyes: they glittered softly, staring into his soul with a loving glow. They sparkled like brilliant jewels, and the boy knew this is what his Pokémon wanted to do to bond with her partner. He silently nodded, still not sure what to do, and laid back in anticipation.
The Pokémon smiled warmly and with her front paws planted firmly on the trainer's chest, she slowly lowered down over the boy's cock until it went up into her dripping wet slit....they both gasped loudly in surprise. It felt so warm and tight, the boy was about to melt in delight as the fox started to bounce up and down on his crotch.
The creature panted and yelped softly as his length went in and out of her rapidly, lowering herself deeper and deeper onto him until she was smacking wetly against his lap. The boy felt a strong pressure build up inside him and he shakily grasped the Pokémon's hips and lifted her up and down in rhythm with her movements.
The creature finally thrusted down hard onto the boy and mewed loudly as she and the boy burst with warm, sticky juices all over their crotches; the trainer filled her pet with his sticky seed, bucking his hips deep into her warm pussy. They collapsed on the bed and panted exhaustedly.
The creature looked up at her trainer, pulled up off of his cock, and gave him a kiss on the cheek; she crawled off into her bed and fell asleep, safe and sound.
The boy smiled, dizzy and drained with ecstasy, and laid down on his pillow, and fell asleep. The two had bonded very closely that night, and the boy hoped their friendship would be stronger than ever.....and deep down, in the back of his mind, he hoped it would become more than that.
advi !!3gpAcg/hF double-posted this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,825
Nega !34Kas0OdzM joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 23 minutes later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,860
@9,668 (totoforhire !!hWKWsQ1mC)
> Erotica is such a crapshoot. I have to spend a lot of time slogging through shit, to find something masturbation worthy.
Indeed, especially since Kristen's archive has apparently started to accept more or less all submissions.
@9,776 (Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU)
Eh, the voting system makes it more bearable.
@OP
Try reading a story to your partner or having it read to you. :3
> Erotica is such a crapshoot. I have to spend a lot of time slogging through shit, to find something masturbation worthy.
Indeed, especially since Kristen's archive has apparently started to accept more or less all submissions.
@9,776 (Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU)
Eh, the voting system makes it more bearable.
@OP
Try reading a story to your partner or having it read to you. :3
Anonymous N joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 57 seconds later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,862
Nega !34Kas0OdzM replied with this 15 years ago, 42 seconds later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,864
Anonymous N replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,865
Nega !34Kas0OdzM replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,868
totoforhire !!TPesVWBmL replied with this 15 years ago, 7 minutes later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,870
@10,825 (advi !!3gpAcg/hF)
Maybe something with bondage,tickling and forced orgasm by digital stimulation?
Maybe something with bondage,tickling and forced orgasm by digital stimulation?
FuckAlms !o7pTU5txUk joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 hour later, 18 hours after the original post[^] [v] #10,914
textual excrement.txt:
"B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)"
""NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz)"
"AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXX
WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD."
"Sire are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dreem."
"They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz."
"Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked."
"Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio imo noto okayo!"
"Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!"
"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes u mst find urslf 1st, k?"
""OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites."
"We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily."
"I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!"
""Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)"
""Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words............ Vampire!
I was so angry.
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.
"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!""
"Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!"
""NO." he muttered loudly."
""Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."
"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit."
""What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"
"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"
"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."
"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly."
\
"I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot."
"And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
It was……………………………………………………Dumbledore!"
"B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."
"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.
"No." My head snaped up.
"WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?""
""Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away."
"I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent."
""I luv TaEbory." he whispered sexily and den we fel aspleep lol."
"I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois"
""What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything."
""Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."
"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie."
""You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1""
"der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said '1980.'"
"Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."
"We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)"
"Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily."
"We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."
"We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy."
""Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes.""
"I smelled happily and went into a dark room."
""Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily.""
""My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.
"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.
"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.
"Really?" he whimpered.
"Yeah." I roared."
""Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way."
Edit: removed excess newlines.
protip: use the text-to-language tool posted above.
"B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)"
""NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz)"
"AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXX
WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD."
"Sire are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dreem."
"They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz."
"Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked."
"Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio imo noto okayo!"
"Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!"
"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes u mst find urslf 1st, k?"
""OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites."
"We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily."
"I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!"
""Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)"
""Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words............ Vampire!
I was so angry.
"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.
"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!""
"Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,……………………….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!"
""NO." he muttered loudly."
""Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."
"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit."
""What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"
"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"
"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."
"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly."
\
"I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot."
"And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
It was……………………………………………………Dumbledore!"
"B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."
"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.
"No." My head snaped up.
"WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?""
""Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away."
"I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent."
""I luv TaEbory." he whispered sexily and den we fel aspleep lol."
"I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois"
""What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything."
""Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."
"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie."
""You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1""
"der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said '1980.'"
"Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."
"We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)"
"Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily."
"We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."
"We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy."
""Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes.""
"I smelled happily and went into a dark room."
""Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily.""
""My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.
"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.
"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.
"Really?" he whimpered.
"Yeah." I roared."
""Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way."
Edit: removed excess newlines.
protip: use the text-to-language tool posted above.
(Edited 4 minutes later.)