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Anonymous A started this discussion 11 years ago#43,793
Every morning he wakes up and undergoes a series of rituals designed for him to perfectly imitate a businessman.
He brushes his teeth, shaves, and washes his body in the shower. He dries himself with a towel, puts on aftershave and cologne as well as an antiperspirant and puts on a comfortable sky blue cotton shirt and wooden navy-coloured trousers, neatly pressed the night before. He tucks the shirt in, and ties a burgundy tie in the half-Windsor knot. He slips on his jacket, and combs his hair neatly. He chooses his long wool coat today, black and in good condition despite being some years old.
But he has a secret that nobody knows except him. Despite looking, sounding, acting, and identifying as a businessman, Thomas was born a man!
He keeps this a secret because, even though it has literally nothing to do with fucking anyone except Thomas, he will be shunned and discriminated against if people found out. People would deride him, and nobody would ever take him seriously as a businessman. Whenever he introduces himself as a businessman, people reply "But you're not a real businessman, right?".
If these complete strangers who ought to mind their own fucking business were to ever find out that Thomas was not born a businessman, they would kill him! And if they don't kill him, they would hound him until he committed suicide!
Eventually people did find out. Thomas conducted a business deal and was compelled to tell his business partner afterwards by a sense of guilt.
Despite the fact it was no different from any business deal from any of the so-called "bio-businessmen" and that the deal itself was lucritive, the fact that Thomas became a businessman at great expense and personal effort meant that his business deal was "disgusting" and "gross".
The business partner beat Thomas to within an inch of his life. He was blinded in one eye, and lost the use of his legs and two fingers on the right hand. It wasn't reported in the news, and when people heard they said "well he deserves what he got. He shouldn't have pretended to be a businessman and I think the attacker is the real victim here".
Thomas went on to campaign for tolerance for self-made businessmen on the Internet. He saw some real inroads and was happy that the tide of opinion amongst the youth was seeming to change.
Little did he know that on an obscure purple forum, Kook lurked with vengeance in her heart...
kook !!mCVqftDha replied with this 11 years ago, 3 minutes later, 37 minutes after the original post[^][v]#578,349
Chris Chan should become a fake business man. If the corporate offices refuse to hire him, he could start a tumblr blog and Patreon.
Metæ replied with this 11 years ago, 1 minute later, 38 minutes after the original post[^][v]#578,350
@578,347 (F)
And to invade businessmans spaces, like those little lounges in the airport. Peeking over people's shoulders and leering at their Outlook conversations, creeping everyone out.
kook !!mCVqftDha replied with this 11 years ago, 8 minutes later, 46 minutes after the original post[^][v]#578,356
@previous (Metæ)
They would have to do that because if they use non businessmen facilities, they'll probably be murdered. Businessmen are they most oppressed group of people in the world. They deserve your pity and your money. Otherwise you're a businessphobe.
kook replied with this 11 years ago, 4 minutes later, 50 minutes after the original post[^][v]#578,358