Topic: [serious] I have PTSD. Ask me almost anything.
Anonymous A started this discussion 11 years ago#43,583
Okay, kook—here's the thread you wanted.
I am a white male, age 30, and I have bonafide PTSD. I generally prefer Coke products over Pepsi. I attend therapy weekly and consume three different medications to help me with my symptoms: prazosin to reduce flashback nightmares, marijuana for acute anxiety and triggered feelings, and venlafaxine to manage anxiety and depression. I consume about the lowest effective dose of each. I avoid alcohol consumption because it makes me feel physically and emotionally terrible the day after.
I have an older brother whom would regularly try to beat me up. He had inherited anger issues from some of my family's fine genetic fuckery. About once a month from when I was age 10 to 18 my brother would try to beat me up. He would get super angry and threaten to kill me. Running away from him would not end the fight—I had to beat him up in order to save myself. I have always been stronger than him, so I managed to be okay physically, but the emotional toll is heavy. My two worst memories are the time he bashed my head into the sidewalk in front of a group of neighborhood kids (I accidentally elbowed him playing catch) and the last fight he had I had—it left him with a 2-inch scar above his lip.
I regularly feel afraid of people and I tend to avoid making myself vulnerable and discussing emotions and my own needs. Relationships are difficult, as it takes a long time for me to trust others and to feel physically safe. I find it really stressful to travel around town, as driving is risky and I fear other drivers getting angry with me. Riding the bus is also terrible, as there are a lot of noisy strangers that are going through various problems in their lives.
I have a good job working on software as a systems administrator. I earn about $100,00 a year. I write specifications and automate some business systems. My coworkers handle the task of communicating with clients for me as I find communication incredibly stressful when money is at stake. About once a week I work from home because I feel too overwhelmed to leave the house.
I have a good sex life. I have been with my girlfriend for 3.5 years. She has similar emotional traumas affecting her life and we are pretty good at supporting each other.
beckyderp !4aMoRa.T2Q joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 51 seconds later[^][v]#575,865
Anonymous A++
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 11 years ago, 1 minute later, 2 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,867
I do not browse tumblr (except for the occasional porn blog) and I do not bother to concern myself with the growing number of people that claim to have triggers and/or PTSD. It just doesn't matter much to me; I want people to have the same feelings of safety and calm that I also deeply need.
I feel optimistic about my PTSD because life is generally going well and because there are significant efforts growing at the federal level to understand and treat PTSD symptoms and causes.
(Edited 3 minutes later.)
Anonymous A (OP) double-posted this 11 years ago, 6 minutes later, 9 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,870
My political views are heavily influenced by my experiences. I identify as a leftist, voluntary socialist. I try to be a feminist ally. I believe in the power of a state body because I want people to have a safety net to get away from pains, trauma, and violence. I strongly oppose deregulation because I do not trust in the market to attend to the needs of our most vulnerable people.
I associate with about 30 people whom identify as socialists, communists, and anarchists. We engage in mutual aid and cooperate like a tribe.
(Edited 3 minutes later.)
Anonymous A (OP) triple-posted this 11 years ago, 6 minutes later, 15 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,873
I do not plan to have children because one of the most stressful things in my life is to have others be dependent on me. I would like to get a vasectomy soon to make this a sure, permanent thing. I have had cats as pets and when they get sick my health tends to also decline from the stress.
Anonymous C joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 3 minutes later, 19 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,874
@previous (A)
You do not need the added stress of healing from a vasectomy. Double up on GF's contraceptives.
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 11 years ago, 1 minute later, 21 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,875
kook !!mCVqftDha joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 2 minutes later, 23 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,876
How much o fyour condition is caused by past experiences compared to genetic mental illnesses, do you think?
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 11 years ago, 3 minutes later, 27 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,879
@previous (kook !!mCVqftDha)
Gosh, that's hard to say and a thought provoking question. Thank you.
I am convinced that epigenetics make me very vulnerable to mental illness and trauma. I'll guess that 70 percent of my clinically relevant experiences are primarily affected by my experiences with trauma. The remainder I'll leave for genetics.
Anonymous E joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 2 minutes later, 29 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,880
Two delivery vans start out from two different cities connected by a straight stretch of highway, and each van is headed to the city the other is leaving. When the vans pass each other they are 120 miles from one city. The vans make their deliveries and turn around to head back to the city they came from. The second time they pass each other they are 30 miles from the other city. Assuming the vans travel a constant speed, how far apart are the two cities?
Anonymous C replied with this 11 years ago, 27 seconds later, 29 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,881
@575,875 (A)
It was just a suggestion. If you need more stress then sure go for it.
kook !!mCVqftDha replied with this 11 years ago, 5 seconds later, 30 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,882
@575,879 (A)
Besides your brother, do you have any other family members with significant mental illnesses?
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 11 years ago, 2 minutes later, 32 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,883
@575,880 (E)
This reads like a multivariate problem or an algebraic question where there's barely enough information to fill in the blanks. I'll decline to answer until there's at least a tiny bit more information or you provide multiple choices.
Anonymous A (OP) double-posted this 11 years ago, 1 minute later, 34 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,884
@575,881 (C)
I have a stellar immune system. I'll let you know how it goes.
@575,882 (kook !!mCVqftDha)
Various: suicides, alcoholism, acute anxiety, depression, and bipolar. It seems everybody is generally in the mood disorder category. I don’t know of any schizoaffective relatives.
kook !!mCVqftDha replied with this 11 years ago, 8 seconds later, 34 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,885
Triptych joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 23 seconds later, 34 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,886
do u like kraft dinner
i really want some
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 11 years ago, 7 minutes later, 41 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,892
@575,885 (kook !!mCVqftDha)
Yes, maybe about 8 of them. I tend to find them more comfortable than straight bars. There tends to not be any super competitive, asshole bros that want to pick fights. There are also less likely to be manic women around those bars.
RWBY Rhubarb !!iNo3FkiZx joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 56 seconds later, 51 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,905
Coke or-
> I generally prefer Coke products over Pepsi.
fuck
Triptych replied with this 11 years ago, 1 minute later, 52 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,906
@575,903 (kook !!mCVqftDha)
i banged a chick in the bathroom first time I went to a gay club
People got mad
Frosh was weird
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 11 years ago, 5 minutes later, 57 minutes after the original post[^][v]#575,911
@575,904 (kook !!mCVqftDha)
Maybe. Monthly fights for nearly 10 years has conditioned me to quite readily handle floods of adrenaline and other stress hormones. I experience stress daily but I have become pretty adept at staying mindful and productive. I think its less than once a month that I have a significant panic attack where I am frozen and possibly a little self destructive.
kook !!mCVqftDha replied with this 11 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#575,917
As for my anti anxiety meds, I'm down to flexiril, and weed!
Triptych replied with this 11 years ago, 26 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#575,925
@575,912 (kook !!mCVqftDha)
yeah
frosh week was a weird time
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 11 years ago, 46 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^][v]#575,945
@575,913 (kook !!mCVqftDha)
Do I look for trigger warnings or do I add them to things I write? Yes and no, respectively. I avoid reading triggering things about violence and conflict and especially in the evenings, as that tends to make my nightmare flashbacks worse.
I have the privilege of various coping mechanisms available to me, so I am not dependent on writing about triggering things. I will talk with my therapists, support network, or just lean on my medications. I have learned that fixation and rumination on triggering things is a sub-par coping mechanism. It could trigger other people (like a virus spread socially) and it doesn't help me relax. I avoid people if they are talking at length about things that trigger them or various conflicts they might be having.
When I am at my best I will carefully choose with whom I discuss things that are possibly triggering. I tend to avoid graphic detail in conversation and I use descriptive words to stand in (e.g. use the label "sexual assault" rather than the gory, exacting details)
I don't think it's healthy for most people to heavily focus on the people and systems that might have done you wrong. There are various more healthy behaviors that are known to be effective at reducing pains. I know there are many people that do not have adequate support mechanisms, but there are also people who choose to heavily focus on their victimhood, and those behaviors seem to be problematic for anybody involved.
(Edited 2 minutes later.)
kook !!mCVqftDha replied with this 11 years ago, 32 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^][v]#575,952
@previous (A)
You're very sensible about this. I feel like many sjw's have access to coping measures but choose ot to use them. Do you ever practice lucid dreaming?
beckyderp !4aMoRa.T2Q replied with this 11 years ago, 4 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^][v]#575,954
@previous (kook !!mCVqftDha)
Can you try for two seconds not to bring SJWs into a thread, or are you utterly incapable of that?
kook !!mCVqftDha replied with this 11 years ago, 2 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^][v]#575,956
@previous (beckyderp !4aMoRa.T2Q)
Fuck off becky, I'm trying to explain my feelings about trigger warnings.
beckyderp !4aMoRa.T2Q replied with this 11 years ago, 5 minutes later, 3 hours after the original post[^][v]#575,958
@previous (kook !!mCVqftDha)
I like how you point out that Anon A is "very sensible" about this, like a good house nigger.
kook !!mCVqftDha replied with this 11 years ago, 4 minutes later, 3 hours after the original post[^][v]#575,960
@previous (beckyderp !4aMoRa.T2Q)
Oh shit, are you calling op black?
RWBY Rhubarb !!iNo3FkiZx replied with this 11 years ago, 6 hours later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#576,065
hater !JGlOo5d1iU joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 22 hours later, 1 day after the original post[^][v]#576,427
My older brother would beat me up weekly growing up and verbally abuse me constantly, like every moment he could. It was constant.
As a result, I feel worthless and I do not understand normal healthy relationships. Sometimes I say things in jest and people get really upset. Do you find yourself having a similar problem?