Topic: Lost a cucumber up my girl's ass today...
Anonymous A started this discussion 11 years ago #40,143
My girlfriend is always complaining that my penis is too small for her, like we'd be fuking and she'd be like "i dont even feel anything we should break up". Now i love her dearly and i cannot lose her, she is a legit 6/10 and shes the best ive ever had, shes so hot that i usually ejaculate in her within 40, sometimes up to 50 seconds.
But i know i cannot satisfy her anymore and when were in public she starts to drift off and talk to other guys while touching their arms. This hurts my feelings a lot and ive mentioned this to her before but she just says "dont worry about it", well earlier today we were both shopping for some food when i saw an abnormally large cucumber, maybe 6 inches long...just massive.
When i finally pulled my girlfriend away from his other dude she was talking to i began to point to this cucumber that ive got in my cart...she started laughing and saying how she wishes my penis was atleast as big as that, then the guy she was flirting with in the store overheard this and began to laugh. But my goal tonight was to prove her wrong, when we got home i washed and hid this cucumber away and i went for my daily girlfriend hug but when i got close to her she cringed and brushed me off.
I want her to love me so bad though and none of my family knows because she is my second cousin but only related by marriage. So anyway were in bed now just watching tv when i pull the cucumber out and smack her in the thigh with it, shes was like "wut the hell" but kind of in a playful tone, i dont want to get her mad because shes kinda aggressive.
So im like "honey i know i cant satisfy u with my 3 incher but i know this cucumber can make u just as happy, let me pleasure u with it please i just want to watching something inside u since u wouldnt let me have sex in a month". She kind of rolled her eyes, got naked and she turned around, her butt smelled kind of bad but thats because shes on no shower for the last week, whatever.
I opened up her buttcheeks and cleared out the toilet paper pieces and began to lick her ass to get her wet, she made noises kind of like "mhmm mmm" next thing i know this cucumber is all the way in and shes moaning pretty hard, the cucumber is getting brown and shes squirming hard, omg i cant believe im finally pleasuring my girlfriend, so this is wut it feels like to be a alpha male with a cucumber size cock.
Shes yelling "omg deeper deeper it feels so gooooooddd!" So im like ya baby! take this cock! im jamming this thing in her hard when it gets slippery from all the feces particles and i lose control and the cucumber disappears! FUK! Now shes gonna break up with me for sure! She asks me why i stop and i said "i dont know how to tell u this but i lost control, the cucumber is inside u and ur gonna have to push it out!" She starts freaking out and running around the room, so im like honey lets pretend that this is our child and u have to push him out!
She starts to cry and yell at me saying how im the worst decision of her life and then she gets into a squat position and begins to strain hard and her head and thigh veins become visible and she screams at the top of her lungs and this cucumber falls out! her poo hits my face but anyway yes success! I wash it off and eat it, cant let food go to waste there are children starving in the world.
But i know i cannot satisfy her anymore and when were in public she starts to drift off and talk to other guys while touching their arms. This hurts my feelings a lot and ive mentioned this to her before but she just says "dont worry about it", well earlier today we were both shopping for some food when i saw an abnormally large cucumber, maybe 6 inches long...just massive.
When i finally pulled my girlfriend away from his other dude she was talking to i began to point to this cucumber that ive got in my cart...she started laughing and saying how she wishes my penis was atleast as big as that, then the guy she was flirting with in the store overheard this and began to laugh. But my goal tonight was to prove her wrong, when we got home i washed and hid this cucumber away and i went for my daily girlfriend hug but when i got close to her she cringed and brushed me off.
I want her to love me so bad though and none of my family knows because she is my second cousin but only related by marriage. So anyway were in bed now just watching tv when i pull the cucumber out and smack her in the thigh with it, shes was like "wut the hell" but kind of in a playful tone, i dont want to get her mad because shes kinda aggressive.
So im like "honey i know i cant satisfy u with my 3 incher but i know this cucumber can make u just as happy, let me pleasure u with it please i just want to watching something inside u since u wouldnt let me have sex in a month". She kind of rolled her eyes, got naked and she turned around, her butt smelled kind of bad but thats because shes on no shower for the last week, whatever.
I opened up her buttcheeks and cleared out the toilet paper pieces and began to lick her ass to get her wet, she made noises kind of like "mhmm mmm" next thing i know this cucumber is all the way in and shes moaning pretty hard, the cucumber is getting brown and shes squirming hard, omg i cant believe im finally pleasuring my girlfriend, so this is wut it feels like to be a alpha male with a cucumber size cock.
Shes yelling "omg deeper deeper it feels so gooooooddd!" So im like ya baby! take this cock! im jamming this thing in her hard when it gets slippery from all the feces particles and i lose control and the cucumber disappears! FUK! Now shes gonna break up with me for sure! She asks me why i stop and i said "i dont know how to tell u this but i lost control, the cucumber is inside u and ur gonna have to push it out!" She starts freaking out and running around the room, so im like honey lets pretend that this is our child and u have to push him out!
She starts to cry and yell at me saying how im the worst decision of her life and then she gets into a squat position and begins to strain hard and her head and thigh veins become visible and she screams at the top of her lungs and this cucumber falls out! her poo hits my face but anyway yes success! I wash it off and eat it, cant let food go to waste there are children starving in the world.
Anonymous B joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 5 minutes later[^] [v] #534,522
Didn't read, please use less words next time.
Green joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 15 seconds later, 5 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #534,523
Nice copypasta!
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 20 seconds later, 5 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #534,524
Anonymous B replied with this 11 years ago, 32 minutes later, 38 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #534,538
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 11 years ago, 11 minutes later, 49 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #534,548
Anonymous E joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 1 minute later, 51 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #534,549
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 11 years ago, 8 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #534,555
Anonymous E replied with this 11 years ago, 17 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #534,562
@previous (Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU)
For me, that was kinda the appeal. Like, it's just so bold. And the silliness of it gives it a comical side. I give it a 8/10.
For me, that was kinda the appeal. Like, it's just so bold. And the silliness of it gives it a comical side. I give it a 8/10.
Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 11 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #534,565
Anonymous E replied with this 11 years ago, 11 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #534,566
Syntax replied with this 11 years ago, 7 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #534,568
Fuck off and die joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 1 hour later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #534,585
Syntax replied with this 11 years ago, 50 minutes later, 4 hours after the original post[^] [v] #534,594
Anonymous H joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 18 minutes later, 4 hours after the original post[^] [v] #534,597
Best thing ive read in weeks
Anonymous G replied with this 11 years ago, 44 minutes later, 5 hours after the original post[^] [v] #534,613
Postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+ joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 32 seconds later, 5 hours after the original post[^] [v] #534,614
It didn't provoke it all, it isn't that gross, and there are a lot of cliches here. The girlfriend not showering coming up completely out of nowhere was worth a smirk, but that joke stretched on far too long to be enjoyable. It's a5/10 at best.
FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 6 hours later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #534,717
Anonymous K joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 2 days later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #535,185
@534,523 (Green)
It's from http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=156336813 I can find no other sources. I wish I knew what happened next in the story.
It's from http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=156336813 I can find no other sources. I wish I knew what happened next in the story.
Syntax replied with this 11 years ago, 19 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #535,186
Many years ago wen I was a young lad, I knew this German girl, lived about 15 minutes away. She wos a tiny thing, 80 pounds maybe. She had a trick wid a banana that puzzled me, n it still does 2day.
She wood take the banana, insert it nside her vagina, banana peel and all. After squeezing her vaginal muscles a few times, she wood pull only the peeling out. How she managed to get the banana out of the peel using her muscles is beyond me.
Butttttttt she wood slip her fingers inside n pull out the banana. I tried to get her 2 insert a cucumber n see if she could use her muscles 2 peel it, butttttttt she declined.
She wood take the banana, insert it nside her vagina, banana peel and all. After squeezing her vaginal muscles a few times, she wood pull only the peeling out. How she managed to get the banana out of the peel using her muscles is beyond me.
Butttttttt she wood slip her fingers inside n pull out the banana. I tried to get her 2 insert a cucumber n see if she could use her muscles 2 peel it, butttttttt she declined.
Anonymous L joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 13 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #535,187
@previous (Syntax)
Killer Lettuce please stop shitposting as Syntax you are making him look like a real moron
Killer Lettuce please stop shitposting as Syntax you are making him look like a real moron
FuckAlms !vX8K53rFBI replied with this 11 years ago, 3 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #535,188
Syntax replied with this 11 years ago, 2 hours later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #535,209
Anonymous M joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 3 hours later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #535,216
Anonymous G replied with this 11 years ago, 33 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #535,218
Anonymous N joined in and replied with this 11 years ago, 44 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #535,220
Anonymous K replied with this 11 years ago, 10 hours later, 3 days after the original post[^] [v] #535,311
@OP
> there are children starving in the world
Are there still starving people in China? "Starving people in China" used to be a saying.
> there are children starving in the world
Are there still starving people in China? "Starving people in China" used to be a saying.