Minichan

He has no time to explain it, but he does have time to go off on a 1,000 word tangent about how he inadvertently launched Lady GaGa's career while acting as a KGB-CIA-MI6-Mossad quadruple agent in Kamchatka around the time Korean Air Flight 007 was shot down.

@previous (Metæ)
That explains everything

In 1983, Cold War tensions between the United States and Soviet Union had escalated to a level not seen since the Cuban Missile Crisis because of several factors. These included the United States' Strategic Defense Initiative, its planned deployment of Pershing II missiles in Europe in March and April, and FleetEx '83, the largest fleet exercise held to date in the North Pacific.[26] The military hierarchy of the Soviet Union (particularly the old guard led by Soviet General Secretary Yuri Andropov and Soviet Defense Minister Dmitry Ustinov) viewed these actions as bellicose and destabilizing; they were deeply suspicious of US President Ronald Reagan's intentions and openly fearful he was planning a first strike nuclear attack against the Soviet Union. These fears culminated in Operation RYAN, the code name for a secret intelligence gathering program initiated by Andropov to detect a potential nuclear sneak attack which he believed Reagan was plotting.[27]

Aircraft from USS Midway and USS Enterprise repeatedly overflew Soviet military installations in the disputed Kurile Islands during FleetEx '83,[28] resulting in the dismissal or reprimanding of Soviet military officials who had been unable to shoot them down.[29] On the Soviet side, Operation RYAN was expanded.[29] Lastly, there was a heightened alert around the Kamchatka Peninsula at the time KAL 007 was in the vicinity, because of a Soviet missile test that was scheduled for the same day. A United States Air Force RC-135 reconnaissance aircraft flying in the area was monitoring the missile test off the peninsula.[30]

At 15:51 UTC, according to Soviet sources,[22] KAL 007 entered the restricted airspace of the Kamchatka Peninsula. The buffer zone extended 200 kilometres (120 mi) from Kamchatka's coast and is known as a Flight Information Region (FIR). The 100-kilometre (62 mi) radius of the buffer zone nearest to Soviet territory had the additional designation of prohibited airspace. When KAL 007 was about 130 kilometres (81 mi) from the Kamchatka coast, one MiG-23 and three Su-15 Flagon fighters were scrambled to intercept the Boeing 747.[8]

Significant command and control problems were experienced trying to vector the fast military jets onto the Boeing before they ran out of fuel. In addition, pursuit was made more difficult, according to Soviet Air Force Captain Alexander Zuyev, who defected to the West in 1989, because Arctic gales had knocked out Soviet radar ten days before.[31] The unidentified jetliner therefore crossed over the Kamchatka Peninsula back into international airspace over the Sea of Okhotsk without being intercepted.

The Commander of the Soviet Far East District Air Defense Forces, General Valery Kamensky,[32] was adamant that KAL 007 was to be destroyed even over neutral waters but only after positive identification showed it not to be a passenger plane. His subordinate, General Anatoly Kornukov, commander of Sokol Air Base and later to become commander of the Russian Air Force, insisted that there was no need to make positive identification as "the intruder" had already flown over the Kamchatka Peninsula.

Soviet Air Defence Force units that had been tracking the South Korean aircraft for more than an hour while it entered and left Soviet airspace now classified the aircraft as a military target when it re-entered their airspace over Sakhalin Island.[8] After the protracted ground-controlled interception, the three Su-15 fighters (from nearby Dolinsk-Sokol airbase) and the MiG-23[33] (from Smirnykh Air Base) managed to make visual contact with the Boeing. The pilot of the lead Su-15 fighter fired warning shots, but recalled later in 1991:[34]

I fired four bursts, more than 200 rounds. For all the good it did. After all, I was loaded with armor piercing shells, not incendiary shells. It's doubtful whether anyone could see them...

At this point, KAL 007 contacted Tokyo air traffic control requesting clearance to ascend to a higher flight level for reasons of fuel economy; the request was granted, so the Boeing started to climb, gradually slowing as it exchanged speed for altitude. The decrease in speed caused the pursuing fighter to overshoot the Boeing, an action that was interpreted by the Soviet pilot as an evasive maneuver. The order to shoot KAL 007 down was given as it was about to leave Soviet airspace for the second time. At around 18:26 UTC, under pressure from General Kornukov, and ground controllers who were not to let the aircraft escape into international airspace, the lead fighter was able to move back into a position where it could fire two Kaliningrad K-8 (NATO reporting name: AA-3 'Anab') air-to-air missiles at the plane.

Rumors that the aircraft's takeoff from Anchorage was held up 40 minutes in order to synchronise the time of the Boeing's approach to the shores of Kamchatka and Sakhalin with the flight of the Ferret reconnaissance satellite put forward by Col Gen of Aviation, Nikolay Moskvitelev, Deputy Commander in Chief for Aviation of Air Defence Forces. “That satellite is designed for conducting radiotechnical reconnaissance over the broad range of frequencies on which the Soviet Union's radioelectronic facilities operate." says Moskvitelev, who claims to have gathered this information from a very reliable source he met at an all-night swing dance competition. It is widely thought that KAL007 was bait to collect information on Soviet radar capabilities.

@494,324 (C)
@previous (D)
It was a common and often fatal mistake with the old BUK M1-2 launcher. The Soviets had put the "launch missile" button right next to the "launch music career" button.

turns out he died