postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+ started this discussion 12 years ago#35,995
So, I have a date, but alas my work has decided that I cant trade shifts with this person to get the day. Now, if she just takes my shift then apparently all is okay. But if she does not then my only option is to go in, and look the part of tremendously ill, not just "oh I am sick, trust me", but "Yeah, he definitely isn't bullshitting" sick.
My plan is to go in sweaty (easy, just sit in my car with windows up or something), bloodshot eyes (fuck up contacts), and put vaseline around my ears and nose. Then I want to come in, and vomit. Vomitting is the big selling point. What's a good way to induce vomitting? Instant is fine, I can just be drinking the concoction out of a coffee cup or something. But I do need a guarantee, not just something kind of gross.
Anonymous C joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 4 seconds later, 18 minutes after the original post[^][v]#492,703
Boldo tea can induce vomit
Anonymous B replied with this 12 years ago, 48 seconds later, 19 minutes after the original post[^][v]#492,704
You can buy it at a simple pharmacy, but you may have to ask a pharmacist.
Anonymous D joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 1 minute later, 20 minutes after the original post[^][v]#492,705
syrup of ipecac
dont drink too much!
(Edited 44 seconds later.)
postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 20 minutes later, 41 minutes after the original post[^][v]#492,707
@492,702 (B)
I thought they discontinued that. What do I tell the pharmacist I need it for they ask questions? I doubt "need to throw up in front of everyone" is goingto fly, unless the pharmacist is a fan of method acting or something.
My alternative is to just down a bottle of cough syrup. But if I throw up purely cough syrup it'll be a dead give away that I just drank a lot of cough syrup.
Anonymous B replied with this 12 years ago, 2 minutes later, 44 minutes after the original post[^][v]#492,708
@previous (postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+)
Idk, maybe they did. tbh I haven't bought it in like 6 years, so maybe that's true. When I asked for it the pharmacist didn't ask any questions, but I looked pretty desperate, so maybe just do that.
squeegee joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 23 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#492,716
@492,707 (postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+)
ipecac is on the shelves. just buy it, no one cares. if they ask say it's to induce vomiting and they still won't care. they won't even ask.
(Edited 21 seconds later.)
postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 5 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#492,720
@previous (squeegee)
Alright. Also, I want to avoid looking "fucked up", I want the "oh shit, stay home reaction or, call us in a few hours to tell us if you can make it" response, not the "go home, sleep it off, and get to work you druggie" reaction.
Sunken in eyes, bloodshot, sweaty, vomiting, etc. Would all indicate drugs as much as they would illness.
Anonymous D replied with this 12 years ago, 2 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#492,723
postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#492,724
@previous (D)
Yeah, you're right. Just gotta do it. Im going to avoid make-up though, I'm not handy enough with it to be 100% that I look sick, and not like I am just going through a goth phase.
And obviously I can't just make myself sick that would defeat the purpose of the entire thing. So, sweating in car and vomiting whilst trying to check the schedule it is. I can even say something about food poisoning if really pressed about it.
(Edited 3 minutes later.)
Anonymous B replied with this 12 years ago, 9 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#492,727
@previous (postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+)
Update us tomorrow
postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 2 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^][v]#492,729
Don't diss the man it's obviously all part of Johns master plan!
squeegee joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 1 hour later, 5 hours after the original post[^][v]#492,778
i will add that to an employer having an employee ask for a day off, not receive it, then come in "sick" and have to go home is as obvious a "trick" as they come. don't be surprised if your "trick" works, though, your employer is too busy to fuck around and will have to either cover your shift himself or get busy calling people to find a replacement so he'll quickly send you home so he can go do that. but also don't be surprised if you suddenly end up with reduced hours because your game is obvious and your employer, who is busier than you, is not about to play your games. He will reduce your hours till you quit and he'll replace you with someone that doesn't drink ipecac to fake sickness (which is a ploy that everyone and their mother knows about. it's as old as ipecac.)
Metæ joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 13 minutes later, 5 hours after the original post[^][v]#492,783
@previous (squeegee)
It would be funny though, if John came in, said he was feeling fine, and insisted on finishing his shift while projectile vomiting from ipecac.
(Edited 1 minute later.)
squeegee replied with this 12 years ago, 1 hour later, 7 hours after the original post[^][v]#492,827
@previous (Metæ)
he works in a restaurant, right? i did too for a couple of years as bartender. turn over was really high. Mostly it was because everyone there is on drugs, drinks a lot, parties all night and generally don't give much of a fuck if they work the next day. It was highly common for people to come in looking sick as shit and vomiting (obviously because they stayed up all night doing coke and drinking) and they'd ask to go home cause "the flu" or whatever. My manager would say, "okay, feel better" and 2 weeks later i'd be training their replacement on well alcohols and draft beer selections. Now that's not the only reason people had their hours cut so much they quit (that was a really common method she'd use), sometimes they just can't cut it or they just quit showing up. we always had people in training and were always hiring. it was surreal the turnover. by the time i moved back to dallas i was the most senior person save the cooks (who always worked and never got sick. ever.) and the managers (who also never got sick.)
but for some reason the wait staff had the immune systems of the uncontacted indian tribes of Brazil.
postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 3 hours later, 10 hours after the original post[^][v]#492,858
@492,778 (squeegee)
Yeah, that's a valid point. And most likely the case. I am re-thinking this.
@492,783 (Metæ)
Thats the only way I think it would have a chance of working. If I am aware of how suspect it looks, and attempt to work through it.
Anonymous J joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 2 weeks later, 2 weeks after the original post[^][v]#494,978