Topic: I've realized I tend to alienate most everyone I meet in real life.
Metæ started this discussion 12 years ago #35,617
I literally have no IRL friends left at this point. I don't have any characteristics which would make me "un-friendable". I'm decent-looking, reasonably intelligent, polite, gainfully employed, and college educated. I can make and hold online friendships quite well, but not IRL. Why?
dw joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 5 minutes later[^] [v] #488,902
idk same here except not online either because i don't care about people online
i just don't have Close Friends ever
i just don't have Close Friends ever
dw double-posted this 12 years ago, 26 minutes later, 31 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #488,907
I think I'm just boring tho
squeegee joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 2 minutes later, 33 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #488,908
its just the disengagement from community life that is the hallmark of society today. instead of being part of an ever growing community of elders, peers and children, you'll have many, many small unrelated associations of varrying attachment.
dw replied with this 12 years ago, 19 minutes later, 52 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #488,911
Anonymous D joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 1 hour later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #488,912
@OP
Do you get out much?
> I don't have any characteristics which would make me "un-friendable". I'm decent-looking, reasonably intelligent, polite, gainfully employed, and college educated.
Dude. Get out more. Do IRL stuff. (People on this fora have a tendency to not do that sort of thing) Go meet people at coffee shops, bars, or clubs. If you don't look "Texas Chainsaw Freaky" then what are you waitin' for??? fo'?? Whatever, just leave the basement some days. You will meet some people.
Do you get out much?
> I don't have any characteristics which would make me "un-friendable". I'm decent-looking, reasonably intelligent, polite, gainfully employed, and college educated.
Dude. Get out more. Do IRL stuff. (People on this fora have a tendency to not do that sort of thing) Go meet people at coffee shops, bars, or clubs. If you don't look "Texas Chainsaw Freaky" then what are you waitin' for??? fo'?? Whatever, just leave the basement some days. You will meet some people.
Lawrence joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 1 hour later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #488,915
same. I push people away though
Handel !XFpaTU3A5E joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 6 hours later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #488,922
I have quite a few IRL friends but no online friends.
I kinda wish it was the other way around.
I kinda wish it was the other way around.
Postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+ joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 1 day later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #489,097
Do you try? I mean do you honestly try to hold the friendship when you get it?It takes effort. I have a tendency to get really close to people and then getbored of them, and the relationship just sort of falls apart. And people dont like it when you're their best friend one day, don't talk to them for a month, and then want to be best friends again. Relationships are a pain to maintain.
Metæ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 4 days later, 5 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,756
@488,912 (D)
No, my evenings are spent drinking alone and reading. I've met lots of people but have difficulty really bonding with them, I just don't fit in.
@previous (Postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+)
I have and i hasn't helped.
@488,908 (squeegee)
This looks about right. But everyone else seems to have a vibrant social life. Is it just the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence?
No, my evenings are spent drinking alone and reading. I've met lots of people but have difficulty really bonding with them, I just don't fit in.
@previous (Postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+)
I have and i hasn't helped.
@488,908 (squeegee)
This looks about right. But everyone else seems to have a vibrant social life. Is it just the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence?
Anonymous H joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 8 minutes later, 5 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,758
Me too, because I'm a mean drunk, and I'm always drunk.
kook !!32zdfdzi+ joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 41 minutes later, 5 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,761
How do you know that you dont have any unfriendible qualities?
HaikerensGuide !dBGi/iH4eY joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 18 minutes later, 5 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,762
I've found that I make good friends IRL but people hate me on the internet ._.
Metæ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 12 minutes later, 5 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,765
@489,761 (kook !!32zdfdzi+)
I don't, objectively (for no one can really see themselves from the outside), but I don't think I have any. Do you see anything "unfriendable" in me?
I don't, objectively (for no one can really see themselves from the outside), but I don't think I have any. Do you see anything "unfriendable" in me?
Metæ (OP) double-posted this 12 years ago, 38 seconds later, 5 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,766
@489,762 (HaikerensGuide !dBGi/iH4eY)
I guess if we were in the same room, we'd cancel each other out.
I guess if we were in the same room, we'd cancel each other out.
Ks !KansasxqvM joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 5 minutes later, 5 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,768
@489,762 (HaikerensGuide !dBGi/iH4eY)
I think you're okay Wally. I don't take your bad qualities seriously though. I'm convinced it's mostly trolling.
@previous (Metæ)
If you worked for friendships you'd probably have them. Find someone you click with and make them a priority in your life. Think about how your previous friendships drifted/fell apart and don't let it happen again. You're smart enough to figure this out. Nobody wants to be lonely.
I think you're okay Wally. I don't take your bad qualities seriously though. I'm convinced it's mostly trolling.
@previous (Metæ)
If you worked for friendships you'd probably have them. Find someone you click with and make them a priority in your life. Think about how your previous friendships drifted/fell apart and don't let it happen again. You're smart enough to figure this out. Nobody wants to be lonely.
HaikerensGuide !dBGi/iH4eY replied with this 12 years ago, 4 minutes later, 5 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,769
@489,766 (Metæ)
lol
@previous (Ks !KansasxqvM)
I am very very different IRL. Internet cannot into sarcasm :(
lol
@previous (Ks !KansasxqvM)
I am very very different IRL. Internet cannot into sarcasm :(
swamplights !!0lQNsDoq/ joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 15 hours later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,817
@489,765 (Metæ)
Ive seen you type things that would probably make women not want to around you, if you said them irl.
Ive seen you type things that would probably make women not want to around you, if you said them irl.
Killer Lettuce !!iNo3FkiZx joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 26 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,823
@previous (swamplights !!0lQNsDoq/)
Are you sure...?
A LOT of things that he types actually make me want to sleep with him.
Are you sure...?
A LOT of things that he types actually make me want to sleep with him.
Anonymous B replied with this 12 years ago, 2 hours later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,849
Metæ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 4 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,851
Anonymous B replied with this 12 years ago, 7 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,856
swamplights !!0lQNsDoq/ replied with this 12 years ago, 45 seconds later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,857
Killer Lettuce !!iNo3FkiZx replied with this 12 years ago, 8 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,861
Okay, on a more serious note (not that my previous post wasn't 100% sincere), I'm more or less the same way too. Generally a loner IRL (but I'm more or less okay with that), but fairly social online.
I think that it is generally much easier to socialise online. With online, pretty much all you need to do is write text messages to other people, right from the comfort of your own home, whenever you feel like doing it. On a forum like this, you can even take all the time you need to plan out and refine what you want to say. And you don't have lots of other little factors like body language or appearence or whatever at play like in IRL, you can pretty much literally be judged on what you say.
It's my personal opinion that some people are, to whatever extent, just not very naturally skilled at socialising (not that that's not necessarily a bad thing, mind you). But I also think that good social skills, like any skill, can be studied and learned. If you want to improve, my suggestion would be to really read up on the matter, and put yourself into situations where you can practice, and just keep at it.
@489,765 (Metæ)
> Do you see anything "unfriendable" in me?
Nah, I find you to be generally pleasant in regular interactions. But then, online behaviour isn't really a great indicator of IRL behaviour.
I think that it is generally much easier to socialise online. With online, pretty much all you need to do is write text messages to other people, right from the comfort of your own home, whenever you feel like doing it. On a forum like this, you can even take all the time you need to plan out and refine what you want to say. And you don't have lots of other little factors like body language or appearence or whatever at play like in IRL, you can pretty much literally be judged on what you say.
It's my personal opinion that some people are, to whatever extent, just not very naturally skilled at socialising (not that that's not necessarily a bad thing, mind you). But I also think that good social skills, like any skill, can be studied and learned. If you want to improve, my suggestion would be to really read up on the matter, and put yourself into situations where you can practice, and just keep at it.
@489,765 (Metæ)
> Do you see anything "unfriendable" in me?
Nah, I find you to be generally pleasant in regular interactions. But then, online behaviour isn't really a great indicator of IRL behaviour.
(Edited 5 minutes later.)
Metæ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 1 minute later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,862
Anonymous H replied with this 12 years ago, 8 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,865
But who needs friends when we have minichan, right!?
cccuuunnttt !CUuNTTZV9M joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 8 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,868
Having talked to you a fair amount about where you're at, I feel like you're stuck in a shame spiral and that alone - not anything objective about you that can be pinpointed, but just how deeply uncomfortable you are with yourself - is why you might be pushing people away.
It also gets harder when you get older, you're not pushed into social situations as much as with school, and people are getting married/breeding/etc. You do have to try harder to make friends when you are in the workforce and dealing with people past college age.
It also gets harder when you get older, you're not pushed into social situations as much as with school, and people are getting married/breeding/etc. You do have to try harder to make friends when you are in the workforce and dealing with people past college age.
(Edited 18 seconds later.)
Metæ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 32 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,869
@489,823 (Killer Lettuce !!iNo3FkiZx)
<3 we'll do it on a boat in the Atlantic, at a spot exactly equidistant between Kernow and Houston.
@489,865 (H)
Minichan: it's just friends™
@previous (cccuuunnttt !CUuNTTZV9M)
> Having talked to you a fair amount about where you're at, I feel like you're stuck in a shame spiral and that alone - not anything objective about you that can be pinpointed, but just how deeply uncomfortable you are with yourself - is why you might be pushing people away.
I hadn't heard of shame spirals before, but having looked into them, it seems about right. Thank you :)
> It also gets harder when you get older, you're not pushed into social situations as much as with school, and people are getting married/breeding/etc. You do have to try harder to make friends when you are in the workforce and dealing with people past college age.
Doubly harder for me, cause I work alone without much human contact throughout the day.
<3 we'll do it on a boat in the Atlantic, at a spot exactly equidistant between Kernow and Houston.
@489,865 (H)
Minichan: it's just friends™
@previous (cccuuunnttt !CUuNTTZV9M)
> Having talked to you a fair amount about where you're at, I feel like you're stuck in a shame spiral and that alone - not anything objective about you that can be pinpointed, but just how deeply uncomfortable you are with yourself - is why you might be pushing people away.
I hadn't heard of shame spirals before, but having looked into them, it seems about right. Thank you :)
> It also gets harder when you get older, you're not pushed into social situations as much as with school, and people are getting married/breeding/etc. You do have to try harder to make friends when you are in the workforce and dealing with people past college age.
Doubly harder for me, cause I work alone without much human contact throughout the day.
Metæ (OP) double-posted this 12 years ago, 2 seconds later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,870
@489,823 (Killer Lettuce !!iNo3FkiZx)
<3 we'll do it on a boat in the Atlantic, at a spot exactly equidistant between Kernow and Houston.
@489,865 (H)
Minichan: it's just friends™
@489,868 (cccuuunnttt !CUuNTTZV9M)
> Having talked to you a fair amount about where you're at, I feel like you're stuck in a shame spiral and that alone - not anything objective about you that can be pinpointed, but just how deeply uncomfortable you are with yourself - is why you might be pushing people away.
I hadn't heard of shame spirals before, but having looked into them, it seems about right. Thank you :)
> It also gets harder when you get older, you're not pushed into social situations as much as with school, and people are getting married/breeding/etc. You do have to try harder to make friends when you are in the workforce and dealing with people past college age.
Doubly harder for me, cause I work alone without much human contact throughout the day.
<3 we'll do it on a boat in the Atlantic, at a spot exactly equidistant between Kernow and Houston.
@489,865 (H)
Minichan: it's just friends™
@489,868 (cccuuunnttt !CUuNTTZV9M)
> Having talked to you a fair amount about where you're at, I feel like you're stuck in a shame spiral and that alone - not anything objective about you that can be pinpointed, but just how deeply uncomfortable you are with yourself - is why you might be pushing people away.
I hadn't heard of shame spirals before, but having looked into them, it seems about right. Thank you :)
> It also gets harder when you get older, you're not pushed into social situations as much as with school, and people are getting married/breeding/etc. You do have to try harder to make friends when you are in the workforce and dealing with people past college age.
Doubly harder for me, cause I work alone without much human contact throughout the day.
swamplights !!0lQNsDoq/ replied with this 12 years ago, 9 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,872
Meta, if someone were to ask you this question irl, how would you respond?
Should the government pay for abortions and preventative measures such as condoms and birth control?
Should the government pay for abortions and preventative measures such as condoms and birth control?
Metæ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 3 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,875
@previous (swamplights !!0lQNsDoq/)
My IRL response
No, I don't believe they (or any other medical procedures, implements, or drugs) should be government funded, but I also believe the government should not try to ban them or put any barriers in the way for people seeking them.
My IRL response
No, I don't believe they (or any other medical procedures, implements, or drugs) should be government funded, but I also believe the government should not try to ban them or put any barriers in the way for people seeking them.
Metæ (OP) double-posted this 12 years ago, 10 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,876
@489,872 (swamplights !!0lQNsDoq/)
My prediction: the first half of my response would make conservative women happy (this is, after all, a state where every morning, by law, starts with a Two Minutes Hate for Obamacare). The second half would alienate conservative women, and make liberal women happy, but the liberal women would in turn be alienated by the first half.
My prediction: the first half of my response would make conservative women happy (this is, after all, a state where every morning, by law, starts with a Two Minutes Hate for Obamacare). The second half would alienate conservative women, and make liberal women happy, but the liberal women would in turn be alienated by the first half.
swamplights !!0lQNsDoq/ replied with this 12 years ago, 2 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,877
@489,875 (Metæ)
Good.So do you believe that the government should pay for sex reassignment surgery? Also, do you believe that the government should fund welfare and disability payments?
Good.So do you believe that the government should pay for sex reassignment surgery? Also, do you believe that the government should fund welfare and disability payments?
Metæ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 10 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,878
@previous (swamplights !!0lQNsDoq/)
No, sexual reassignment should not be paid for by government, either. Again, government should not prevent an adult from seeking SRS if they want to. As for welfare and caring for the disabled, I don't think the government does a very good job at that: we have more relative poverty now than we did before the war on poverty. I think charity, churches, and family would do a better job caring for the disabled than the government. In short: no.
No, sexual reassignment should not be paid for by government, either. Again, government should not prevent an adult from seeking SRS if they want to. As for welfare and caring for the disabled, I don't think the government does a very good job at that: we have more relative poverty now than we did before the war on poverty. I think charity, churches, and family would do a better job caring for the disabled than the government. In short: no.
cccuuunnttt !CUuNTTZV9M replied with this 12 years ago, 56 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,881
@489,870 (Metæ)
> > It also gets harder when you get older, you're not pushed into social situations as much as with school, and people are getting married/breeding/etc. You do have to try harder to make friends when you are in the workforce and dealing with people past college age.
> Doubly harder for me, cause I work alone without much human contact throughout the day.
Good thing there are atheist churches! I bet you could meet people at one of those.
> > It also gets harder when you get older, you're not pushed into social situations as much as with school, and people are getting married/breeding/etc. You do have to try harder to make friends when you are in the workforce and dealing with people past college age.
> Doubly harder for me, cause I work alone without much human contact throughout the day.
Good thing there are atheist churches! I bet you could meet people at one of those.
(Edited 11 seconds later.)
Anonymous B replied with this 12 years ago, 31 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,883
Anonymous B double-posted this 12 years ago, 29 seconds later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #489,884
Anonymous O joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 9 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #489,930
I have borderline personality disorder and this is how I feel all the time.
Anonymous P joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 3 days later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #490,317
@OP your worldviews are bad and you should feel bad
Metæ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 1 hour later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #490,330
@previous (P)
I support economic and personal freedom. I guess it's better to want people locked up for smoking the wrong plant or to be told who they can and cannot marry? Maybe I should support more foreign wars to kill more people and change more regimes on the other side of the world? Maybe I should support laws telling grownups how many ounces of soda they can buy at one time?
I'm sorry, but both the red and blue flavors of neoconservativism in this country are abhorrent and I'll support neither.
I support economic and personal freedom. I guess it's better to want people locked up for smoking the wrong plant or to be told who they can and cannot marry? Maybe I should support more foreign wars to kill more people and change more regimes on the other side of the world? Maybe I should support laws telling grownups how many ounces of soda they can buy at one time?
I'm sorry, but both the red and blue flavors of neoconservativism in this country are abhorrent and I'll support neither.
Anonymous B replied with this 12 years ago, 21 minutes later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #490,332
Anonymous P replied with this 12 years ago, 1 hour later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #490,334
Metæ (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 3 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #490,340
Anonymous O replied with this 12 years ago, 16 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #490,388
Titicaca joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 5 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #490,421
How's your breath? It might be simple daily chronic halitosis causing people to stay away. In a recent study done in Haiti nine out of ten people preferred the smell of a human anus over halitosis. Try blowing up a ballon and then pop it in a closed room with a canary in it. If the canary dies then it's your breath if it lives you might just be an asshole.Meta (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 3 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #490,460
Titicaca replied with this 12 years ago, 5 hours later, 1 week after the original post[^] [v] #490,495
Bless you meta. Bless your heart.