HaikerensGuide !dBGi/iH4eY (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 36 seconds later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,138
@previous (squeegee !first/o5zA)
*midwesterner
Yankees live in the Northeast.
squeegee !first/o5zA replied with this 12 years ago, 5 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,139
A Yankee from Ohio passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow...
But she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
squeegee !first/o5zA double-posted this 12 years ago, 21 seconds later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,140
How do you know when you're staying in a Yankee motel in Iowa?
When you call the front desk and say,
"I gotta leak in my sink, and the clerk replies ...
"Go ahead."
squeegee !first/o5zA triple-posted this 12 years ago, 22 seconds later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,141
Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age for Yankees in Vermont to 32??
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
(Edited 6 seconds later.)
squeegee !first/o5zA quadruple-posted this 12 years ago, 31 seconds later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,142
Who invented the toothbrush?
A Yankee!!
(If it had been invented by anyone else,
it would have been a teeth brush)
HaikerensGuide !dBGi/iH4eY (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 1 minute later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,143
@469,141 (squeegee !first/o5zA)
That's not true. They did it to keep it out of the middle schools.
squeegee !first/o5zA replied with this 12 years ago, 1 minute later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,144
DEEP IN THE HEART OF DIXIE When a man in Macon, Ga., came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."
The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Macon.
"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog.'"
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline will read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'."
Anonymous D joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 26 seconds later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,145
squeegee !first/o5zA replied with this 12 years ago, 3 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,148
Three Southerners and three Yankees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Yankees each buy a train ticket and watch as the three Southerners buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a Yankee.
“Watch and learn,” answered one of the boys from the South.
All six boarded the train where the three Yankees sat down, but the three Southerners crammed into a toilet together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said, “Ticket, please”.
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.
The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip and watched, while to their amazement, the three Southerners didn’t buy even one ticket.
“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” asked a puzzled Yankee.
“Watch and learn,” answered the three Southern boys in unison. When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves into a toilet and the three Southerners crammed into another toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their toilet and walked over to the toilet in which the Yankees were hiding.
The Southerner knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please.”
squeegee !first/o5zA double-posted this 12 years ago, 51 seconds later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,150
During world war two, three POWs, a southerner, a Californian, and a Yankee, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad.
They bring out the Southerner and stand him in front of the wall.
He points and shouts, “Tornado!” They all run for cover and the American runs away.
Next, they place the Californian in front of the firing squad.
He yells “Earthquake!” They all hit the ground for safety and the Californian escapes.
Next up is the Yankee. He looks around and shouts “Fire!”
squeegee !first/o5zA triple-posted this 12 years ago, 1 minute later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,151
After a terrible storm, two Yankees from Boston wanted to make some extra money cutting up trees that had fallen. They go to a chainsaw shop and ask about various chainsaws for their new venture. The salesman takes them straight to the top of the line model. “This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day.” He says.
The two yankee boys purchase the chainsaw, take it home, and begin eagerly working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, they are exhausted and decided to quit. “How can we cut for hours and only cut two cords?”, they ask themselves. “So the next day they start early in the morning and cut all day” Still they are only able to cut 5 cords of wood.
Convinced that they were sold a bad saw they went back to the shop to complain. “This is a bad saw” said the smarter of the two yankees. “The dealer told us it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem and it only cuts 5 cords. The dealer, baffled by the yankees claim, removes the chainsaw from the case, pulls the cord and cranks it up. The two yankees jump back and simultaneously say “What the @@!??$ is that noise?”
squeegee !first/o5zA quadruple-posted this 12 years ago, 1 minute later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,152
A tour bus carrying Yankees to south Florida runs off the road, flips onto it’s side and crashes into a guard rail. A southern road crew witnesses the accident and commences digging holes to bury the victims. An hour or so later a local sheriff arrives to investigate the crash and finds nothing but a wrecked bus. The sheriff goes over to the foreman of the road crew and asks if he saw the accident. Yes, the foreman replies. “Do you know where the victims are” , says the sheriff? “We buried them”, replies the foreman. “Were they all dead”, asks the sheriff? The foreman replied, “Well some of them said they were still alive but you know how them Yankees lie.”
squeegee !first/o5zA quintuple-posted this 12 years ago, 2 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,154
A waitress, a construction worker, and a yankee show up together
at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven,
they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg and sank in the Atlantic on its maiden voyage? The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let her through the gates.
St. Peter turned to the construction worker and, figuring Heaven did not need any handyman work, decided to make the question a harder: “How many people died on the Titanic?” Luckily, the construction worker had just seen the movie and answered 1,228. Amazed he said, “That’s right! You may enter.” St. Peter then turned to the Yankee and said… “Name them.”
HaikerensGuide !dBGi/iH4eY (OP) replied with this 12 years ago, 17 seconds later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,155
squeegee !first/o5zA replied with this 12 years ago, 1 minute later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,157
Bubba, a truck driver, liked to entertain himself by running over yankees he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a yankee walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, there would be a loud “THUMP” and then he would swerve back onto the road. One day, he saw a preacher who had run out of gas and was hitchhiking. Feeling guilty about his bad habit he thought he would do a good deed so he pulled the truck over and rolled down the passenger window.
He asked the Preacher, “How far are you going reverend?”
“To the Baptist Church about 10 miles ahead,” replied the preacher.
Climb in and I’ll give you a lift. said the trucker. ” The preacher climbed into the truck, thanked the driver and they continued down the road.
Suddenly the truck driver saw a couple of yankees walking down the road and out of habit swerved to hit them. Remembering that the preacher was with him he swerved back onto the road narrowly missing the yankees. However, even though he was sure he missed them , he heard a loud “THUMP”…”THUMP”. Confused, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn’t see anything, he turned to the preacher and said, “I’m so sorry reverend. I almost hit those two yankees.”
“That’s okay,” replied the preacher. “I got them with the door!”
squeegee !first/o5zA double-posted this 12 years ago, 2 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,159
A sweet Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge
in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a
young man preparing to jump off.
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, “Please don’t jump, think of your dear mother and father.”
He replied, “Mom and Dad are both dead; I’m going to jump.”
She said, “Well, think of your wife and children..” He replied, “I’m not married and I don’t have any kids.”
She said, “Well, at least think of Robert E. Lee.”
He replied, ”Who’s Robert E. Lee?”
She replied, ”Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump, you stupid Yankee.”
squeegee !first/o5zA triple-posted this 12 years ago, 1 minute later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,160
A Yankee walks into a bar and sits down. There is a news report on TV showing a New Yorker on a ledge outside an upper floor of a building threatening to jump. The bartender, who’d seen the news report before says, “I’ll bet you $50 he’s going to jump.” The Yankee took the bet and put down a $50 bill on the bar. Suddenly, the the man on the ledge jumped to his death. The bartender picked up the $50 bill but then, realizing that he’d taken advantage of a poor, stupid Yankee, his conscience got the better of him and he said, “Look, I’m going to give you back your money. I have to confess that I saw that news report before.” “That’s O.K.,” said the Yankee, “I saw it before also, but I didn’t think he was gonna do it again!”
squeegee !first/o5zA quadruple-posted this 12 years ago, 1 minute later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,161
A rich yankee attorney was on vacation in Gulf Shores, Alabama. He decided to try his luck at surfing but was quickly overwhelmed by a rip current and started to drown.
Three local boys, playing along the beach, saw the yankee struggling and without a second thought, jumped in the water and dragged the wet northerner out of the surf.
After catching his breath he said, “Boys, you saved my life. You deserve a reward. Just name it, I’ll give it to you.”
The first boy said, “Please, I’d like a ticket to Six Flags over Georgia!” “No problem,” said the yankee.
“I’d like a brand new surfboard,” the second boy said. “Consider it done,” said the yankee.
“And I’d like an electric wheelchair with a stereo in it,” said the third boy.
“I’ll personally … wait a second, son, you’re not handicapped!”
“No, but I will be when my father finds out I saved a yankee from drowning.”
squeegee !first/o5zA quintuple-posted this 12 years ago, 1 minute later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,162
A drunk Yankee goes into a bar in Boston. The bartender throws him out for being too drunk. A few minutes later, the drunk Yankee walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. About 5 minutes later the drunk walks back into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk Yankee looks at him and says, “Hey Buddy, how many bars do you own, anyway?”
Rogi FORGOT HIS DAMN TRIPCODE joined in and replied with this 12 years ago, 40 seconds later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,163
This thread was a huge letdown, tbh.
squeegee !first/o5zA replied with this 12 years ago, 52 seconds later, 9 hours after the original post[^][v]#469,164
A stupid yankee went down to Texas on vacation. Late one afternoon he
decided to go for a drink at his hotel’s bar. Swinging a leg over the stool he
calls out, “Bartender, I’d like a beer.”
The bartender asks, “You want a Texas size beer or a regular beer?”
Without hesitation the northerner answers, “I want it Texas sized.”
The bartender goes to get the back and brings back a barrel of beer. The
yankee looks in surprise at the size of his beer. “Well, if I’m going to
drink all this beer I’d better get some peanuts.”
“Texas size or regular size?” The bartender asks.
Nodding the yankee says, “Texas size of course.”
The barkeep leaves and brings back a bushel basket of peanuts and puts it
next to the stupid yankee. A long time passes and the barrel of beer is almost empty
and the peanuts gone. The yankee asks the bartender, “Where’s the bathroom?”
The bartender points down a hallway. “Just go down that hall and take the first
door on the left.”
The yankee stumbles and staggers down the hall but instead of taking the
first door on the left he takes the first door on the right. He goes into the
dark room looking for a light switch and falls into the hotel swimming pool.
“HELP ME! HELP ME!” He cries out. The bartender runs into the room and turns on the
light.
The yankee in a panic cries out. “Don’t flush it! Don’t flush it!”