He has offered many excuses over the years why he did not fight in Iraq like his peers. Here are some of his alleged excuses:
1. He had to finish his thesis for a useless degree
2. He was, personally, selected by Charles DeGaulle to translate his memoirs
3. He had to visit daddy MArsden in Federal prison
4. He was too busy posting on forums and stalking a senile 79 year old man
But the truth is, the TRUTH, folks, that he ran away to mom's basement in Lafayette, Loserana because he was a coward.(Edited 38 seconds later.)
He and daddy had conjugal visits.