Topic: I have been dumb (the end of Cupcake drama)
Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk started this discussion 13 years ago #28,459
It's occured to me that the last time I saw Lexi was in March, the relationship is effectively over. Furthermore, relationships are a 2 way street, and even if I could win her back somehow, would that really be a good thing? I mean, what does it say about my position in the relationship, and deeper than that my own self worth if I can be put in a position where I am willing to "win back" somebody? It may be romantic on the surface, but it makes me inferior to have to be the one to chase after her affection, and her affections shallow if they can be redeemed with a boquette of flowers or even a book. Ultimately I want to be loved for who I am, not
just for my ability to perform romantic gestures.
Yes, I do still have feelings for her, yes I still love and care for her, but my feelings don't mean everything, I have an inclination to believe that if I want something badly enough that I will eventually get it, in the case of other people this is not only silly, but quite egocentric.
Not only that, but the relationship wasn't that great in the first place, I was hurt, a lot, and broken up with a lot. I was almost never secure in the relationship, and I'd weave up big dreams of marriage or claim that She, and I were soulmates, but ultimately that was just to mask the reality that I was so very often on the brink of losing her. Sure, I would have married her, I wanted to, but after the 3rd or 4th time she left me I should have realized that was extremely unlikely.
Things were very one sided, her love for me was very conditional, and there were a lot of things I could do that would make her leave me, whereas my love for her wasn't. She could have cheated on me, beat me, whatever, I would have stayed. I'm not saying my level of attachment was healthy, it certainly wasn't, and under worse circumstances could have been very harmful to me, but that's how it was.
Sure, if a couple of things changed it could have been great, our break ups were always for the same reasons, and when we were together and happy, I was extremely happy, I'd never felt so content in my life. I felt truly loved, and wanted, I felt like I belonged, I felt perfect, I loved her so much, I still do. But those little flaws they were unfixable they were personality flaws so deep rooted that neither I nor anyone else will likely fix. These flaws are both on my side, and her's. I could look past them, but ultimately she could not. And I have to deal with that.
I don't know where she will go in life, and I really don't care. Honestly, if she doesn't want to be a part of my life then why should I be particularly concerned with her's? She had, and still has the option of being with me, and sharing a life with me romantically or otherwise, but if she wants out then she can have out completely. I should not, and will not always be there for someone who wouldn't be, and isn't there for me.
In conclusion, me chasing after someone who wants nothing to do with me is both unhealthy, and a potential waste of time and money. I'll find someone better suited for me one day, and she probably will too. I had my first love, and it was fun, but it's time for me to move on.
So, that's it for the Cupcake drama I suppose, one day I'll have a new girl who I will showcase here. I will give her a cutesy nickname, and I'll detail for you the highs and lows of our relationship.
Okay, thanks.
just for my ability to perform romantic gestures.
Yes, I do still have feelings for her, yes I still love and care for her, but my feelings don't mean everything, I have an inclination to believe that if I want something badly enough that I will eventually get it, in the case of other people this is not only silly, but quite egocentric.
Not only that, but the relationship wasn't that great in the first place, I was hurt, a lot, and broken up with a lot. I was almost never secure in the relationship, and I'd weave up big dreams of marriage or claim that She, and I were soulmates, but ultimately that was just to mask the reality that I was so very often on the brink of losing her. Sure, I would have married her, I wanted to, but after the 3rd or 4th time she left me I should have realized that was extremely unlikely.
Things were very one sided, her love for me was very conditional, and there were a lot of things I could do that would make her leave me, whereas my love for her wasn't. She could have cheated on me, beat me, whatever, I would have stayed. I'm not saying my level of attachment was healthy, it certainly wasn't, and under worse circumstances could have been very harmful to me, but that's how it was.
Sure, if a couple of things changed it could have been great, our break ups were always for the same reasons, and when we were together and happy, I was extremely happy, I'd never felt so content in my life. I felt truly loved, and wanted, I felt like I belonged, I felt perfect, I loved her so much, I still do. But those little flaws they were unfixable they were personality flaws so deep rooted that neither I nor anyone else will likely fix. These flaws are both on my side, and her's. I could look past them, but ultimately she could not. And I have to deal with that.
I don't know where she will go in life, and I really don't care. Honestly, if she doesn't want to be a part of my life then why should I be particularly concerned with her's? She had, and still has the option of being with me, and sharing a life with me romantically or otherwise, but if she wants out then she can have out completely. I should not, and will not always be there for someone who wouldn't be, and isn't there for me.
In conclusion, me chasing after someone who wants nothing to do with me is both unhealthy, and a potential waste of time and money. I'll find someone better suited for me one day, and she probably will too. I had my first love, and it was fun, but it's time for me to move on.
So, that's it for the Cupcake drama I suppose, one day I'll have a new girl who I will showcase here. I will give her a cutesy nickname, and I'll detail for you the highs and lows of our relationship.
Okay, thanks.
(Edited 6 minutes later.)
HaikerensGuide !dBGi/iH4eY joined in and replied with this 13 years ago, 9 minutes later[^] [v] #420,795
Finally, you have come to your senses.
Anonymous C joined in and replied with this 13 years ago, 5 minutes later, 14 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #420,797
tl;dr
All I got out of that was something about flaccidity and gay poetry.
All I got out of that was something about flaccidity and gay poetry.
henn the lord of cocks joined in and replied with this 13 years ago, 7 minutes later, 21 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #420,798
Cupcake still visits minichan and regularly posts as anon
Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk (OP) replied with this 13 years ago, 6 minutes later, 28 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #420,799
@previous (henn the lord of cocks)
So, then she saw my appeal to her, and still chose to completely ignore me. She knows the amount of heart ache I have experienced, and yet still thinks it best to completely do away with me. She actively sees what I have gone through, and still won't so much as acknowledge my existence. I love her, so very much, and yet she actively doesn't give a single shit about me. I won't lie to you or myself, if she cameback I would take her back without a second thought, but she's not coming back, and I shouldn't really beat myself over it. Believe me I am sad as shit, but all the sadness in the world won't make someone else care about me. I hope I stop feeling like this soon, I don't know when I'll stop finding myself in tears longing for something that will likely never be. I wish I didn't love someone who doesn't love me back, I wish I could just get over her. I will one day, but it's tough.
So, then she saw my appeal to her, and still chose to completely ignore me. She knows the amount of heart ache I have experienced, and yet still thinks it best to completely do away with me. She actively sees what I have gone through, and still won't so much as acknowledge my existence. I love her, so very much, and yet she actively doesn't give a single shit about me. I won't lie to you or myself, if she cameback I would take her back without a second thought, but she's not coming back, and I shouldn't really beat myself over it. Believe me I am sad as shit, but all the sadness in the world won't make someone else care about me. I hope I stop feeling like this soon, I don't know when I'll stop finding myself in tears longing for something that will likely never be. I wish I didn't love someone who doesn't love me back, I wish I could just get over her. I will one day, but it's tough.
(Edited 3 minutes later.)
Anonymous E joined in and replied with this 13 years ago, 17 minutes later, 46 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #420,802
Stopped at "inferior". Yes, you are inferior. I suggest ridding yourself from this cruel world. It's your only chance at peace and quiet from the psychotic voices in your head.
Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk (OP) replied with this 13 years ago, 9 minutes later, 55 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #420,804
@previous (E)
No, I'm not inferior, not in the slightest. I hope nobody close to you ever kills themselves, I hope you never have to experience that. I would never actively wish death on someone, and yet you would, and do. Which one of us is psychotic? You're certainly blood thirsty. Oh, I know, "kill yourself" is just a way of saying you dislike someone, you don't really want me dead. Well, that's stupid, and you're stupid for using such an absurd vulgarity. So either you're vindictive and blood thirsty, or vindictive and melodramatic shithead.
No, I'm not inferior, not in the slightest. I hope nobody close to you ever kills themselves, I hope you never have to experience that. I would never actively wish death on someone, and yet you would, and do. Which one of us is psychotic? You're certainly blood thirsty. Oh, I know, "kill yourself" is just a way of saying you dislike someone, you don't really want me dead. Well, that's stupid, and you're stupid for using such an absurd vulgarity. So either you're vindictive and blood thirsty, or vindictive and melodramatic shithead.
(Edited 40 seconds later.)
Anonymous E replied with this 13 years ago, 24 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #420,807
@previous (Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk)
One of my very best friends killed himself through helium suffication. It changes nothing. The world would be slightly better off if you were dead.
One of my very best friends killed himself through helium suffication. It changes nothing. The world would be slightly better off if you were dead.
Harley !Quinn7Dxrw joined in and replied with this 13 years ago, 25 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #420,819
Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk (OP) replied with this 13 years ago, 3 hours later, 5 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,849
@420,807 (E)
Would it? I have plenty of friends, andfamily who would be sad, my employerwould need to find someone willing to do my job for my pay (difficult), that's about it I suppose.
Would it? I have plenty of friends, andfamily who would be sad, my employerwould need to find someone willing to do my job for my pay (difficult), that's about it I suppose.
beckyderp !8ElfFaoFao joined in and replied with this 13 years ago, 15 minutes later, 5 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,854
I was 12, and was flaccid. It was to see if I could in fact write a gay erotica. If I wrote a story about murder does it mean I'm murderer? No. Will you please stop constantly trying to tear into me and hurt me? Wtf is wrong with you? What did I ever do to you? Fuck you, I'm sick of pretending Iam okay with you constantly trying to make me feel bad about myself, I'm not.
TTEH !JXsxEkDBLs joined in and replied with this 13 years ago, 4 hours later, 9 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,877
Again: didn't read, lol.
TTEH !JXsxEkDBLs double-posted this 13 years ago, 31 seconds later, 9 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,878
@420,854 (beckyderp !8ElfFaoFao)
Your constant need to make me feel bad I believe is a telltale sign that you are far more emotionally, and mentally unstable than I am. Sure, I'm dramatic, but I rarely go out and attack others, and I am also self aware. You, on the other hand, not only frequently act with malice, but also see what you're doing as right, you see no wrong in hurting others provided they "deserve it".
Funnily enough though you have labeled me as having Narcissistic personality Disorder, your own actions are much more consistent with the disorder than mine are. At the very least giving a medical diagnosis to a stranger over the internet without any real background is evidence of an unhealthy level of granduer, and arrogance.
Your constant need to make me feel bad I believe is a telltale sign that you are far more emotionally, and mentally unstable than I am. Sure, I'm dramatic, but I rarely go out and attack others, and I am also self aware. You, on the other hand, not only frequently act with malice, but also see what you're doing as right, you see no wrong in hurting others provided they "deserve it".
Funnily enough though you have labeled me as having Narcissistic personality Disorder, your own actions are much more consistent with the disorder than mine are. At the very least giving a medical diagnosis to a stranger over the internet without any real background is evidence of an unhealthy level of granduer, and arrogance.
Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk (OP) replied with this 13 years ago, 14 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,881
@420,877 (TTEH !JXsxEkDBLs)
Okay, do I expect you to read everything I post? No.
@420,854 (beckyderp !8ElfFaoFao)
Okay, well you're more NPD than I ever will be, and I'm a superior human beingto you in all ways. You're favoredon a BBS congratulations. That'snot really an accomplishment.
@previous (TTEH !JXsxEkDBLs)
You basically just suck Becky's proverbial dick, and have the bullying tactics of a 15 year old girl from the suburbs.
Okay, do I expect you to read everything I post? No.
@420,854 (beckyderp !8ElfFaoFao)
Okay, well you're more NPD than I ever will be, and I'm a superior human beingto you in all ways. You're favoredon a BBS congratulations. That'snot really an accomplishment.
@previous (TTEH !JXsxEkDBLs)
You basically just suck Becky's proverbial dick, and have the bullying tactics of a 15 year old girl from the suburbs.
Anonymous I joined in and replied with this 13 years ago, 21 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,889
Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk (OP) replied with this 13 years ago, 1 hour later, 11 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,907
TTEH !JXsxEkDBLs replied with this 13 years ago, 1 hour later, 13 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,925
Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk (OP) replied with this 13 years ago, 2 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,926
TTEH !JXsxEkDBLs replied with this 13 years ago, 16 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,929
@previous (Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk)
Call what?
You post so much about cupcake and people's responses clearly upset you, yet you keep making these posts.
Call what?
You post so much about cupcake and people's responses clearly upset you, yet you keep making these posts.
TTEH !JXsxEkDBLs double-posted this 13 years ago, 6 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,930
Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk (OP) replied with this 13 years ago, 1 minute later, 13 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,931
Anonymous J joined in and replied with this 13 years ago, 7 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,932
@previous (Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk)
> (the end of Cupcake drama)
Really? This will be the very last topic from you about Cupcake?
> (the end of Cupcake drama)
Really? This will be the very last topic from you about Cupcake?
Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk (OP) replied with this 13 years ago, 3 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,933
Anonymous J replied with this 13 years ago, 3 minutes later, 13 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,935
Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk (OP) replied with this 13 years ago, 1 hour later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,942
@previous (J)
Idk, probably pretty high. The only new update is if we got back together, and that seems unlikely at this point.
Idk, probably pretty high. The only new update is if we got back together, and that seems unlikely at this point.
(Edited 39 seconds later.)
Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk (OP) double-posted this 13 years ago, 29 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,947
Fuck it, getting flowers delivered to her.
Anonymous K joined in and replied with this 13 years ago, 8 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #420,952
@previous (Postmortem !!FVJOHfXUk)
If you wired a taser up to your testicles and then wrote an app that allowed people to fire it remotely, I bet you could make a fortune selling that app.
If you wired a taser up to your testicles and then wrote an app that allowed people to fire it remotely, I bet you could make a fortune selling that app.
(Edited 49 seconds later.)