Topic: You are an EMT and you see a woman with lip sores needs mouth-to-mouth.
Anonymous A started this discussion 14 years ago #17,921
You've finally made it. You are now a licensed EMT. As you print out your diploma from the dot-matrix printer and head off to the dollar store for a nice pressboard frame, you can't help but wonder what the future holds for you...
Three months later, and you've finally found a small-town joint which will take you. Sure, it's in the middle of nowhere and doesn't get internet, but then again there aren't many hospitals that won't run a background check and/or a Google search. But today is not your lucky day...
As you and your driver pull up to the bus wreck, you find that guru porn does not in fact prepare you for the real, desexualized thing. He screams for you to resuscitate a woman with swollen, blistery lips across her face and goes behind the truck for some medicine. You try doing those chest compressions like you saw on Indigo Prophecy, partly so you can tell those bullies online that you are not, in fact, a virgin, but unfortunately your groping and fondling does little to stir the highschooler. You then spot a homeless man urinating into a bottle, and remember you swiped $50 off a stiff.
We both know what's going to happen. The question is, what is your opening offer?
Three months later, and you've finally found a small-town joint which will take you. Sure, it's in the middle of nowhere and doesn't get internet, but then again there aren't many hospitals that won't run a background check and/or a Google search. But today is not your lucky day...
As you and your driver pull up to the bus wreck, you find that guru porn does not in fact prepare you for the real, desexualized thing. He screams for you to resuscitate a woman with swollen, blistery lips across her face and goes behind the truck for some medicine. You try doing those chest compressions like you saw on Indigo Prophecy, partly so you can tell those bullies online that you are not, in fact, a virgin, but unfortunately your groping and fondling does little to stir the highschooler. You then spot a homeless man urinating into a bottle, and remember you swiped $50 off a stiff.
We both know what's going to happen. The question is, what is your opening offer?
Nega !34Kas0OdzM joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 3 minutes later[^] [v] #300,155
[X] Touch fluffy tail.
Dead !Pool7hVoC2 joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 6 minutes later, 10 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #300,160
Emt's carry mouth shields for just such an occasion. I've used one and it doesn't even feel like your actually touching the person, just the small layer of plastic between you two.
Dead !Pool7hVoC2 double-posted this 14 years ago, 1 minute later, 11 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #300,161
Also: Wtf is guru porn?
Anonymous D joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 2 minutes later, 14 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #300,163
protip !!pMmAiEwOm joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 7 minutes later, 21 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #300,164
I’d an hero if I were such an unserious fraud/scam that I didn’t know that chest compressions are now recommended *over* forced breathing.
…but then I’d carry a fucking face shield.
…or I’d even have the manual breathing thingamajig.
@OP 0/10 thanks for playing
…but then I’d carry a fucking face shield.
…or I’d even have the manual breathing thingamajig.
@OP 0/10 thanks for playing
Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 2 minutes later, 24 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #300,167
Dead !Pool7hVoC2 replied with this 14 years ago, 2 minutes later, 26 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #300,170
@300,164 (protip !!pMmAiEwOm)
To be fair, you do a bit of both, 10 compressions, two forced breaths, and then a pause to see if they've taken over themselves
To be fair, you do a bit of both, 10 compressions, two forced breaths, and then a pause to see if they've taken over themselves
protip !!pMmAiEwOm replied with this 14 years ago, 1 minute later, 27 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #300,172
@previous (Dead !Pool7hVoC2)
False.
You continue the chest compressions until you’ve broken every last rib. If they try to resist, do a Vulcan neck pinch.
False.
You continue the chest compressions until you’ve broken every last rib. If they try to resist, do a Vulcan neck pinch.
Anonymous G joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 19 seconds later, 27 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #300,173
I'd put on my face shield and do it.
/thread
/thread
astromermaid joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 7 minutes later, 34 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #300,177
yo f dat i aint doin it
squeegee !hbZVTk6JYc joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 13 minutes later, 48 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #300,179
Put my balls on her forehead and take pictures.
Dead !Pool7hVoC2 replied with this 14 years ago, 25 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #300,182
Anonymous D replied with this 14 years ago, 11 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #300,183
Nega !34Kas0OdzM joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 30 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #300,184
@300,167 (F)
Fried Tofu, to be precise.
Why are there so many bros in here?
@300,163 (D)
Never have I witnessed such an astounding lack of good judgement.
Fried Tofu, to be precise.
Why are there so many bros in here?
@300,163 (D)
Never have I witnessed such an astounding lack of good judgement.
protip !!pMmAiEwOm replied with this 14 years ago, 8 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #300,185
Nega !34Kas0OdzM replied with this 14 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #300,187
@previous (protip !!pMmAiEwOm)This was indeed a very astute summary of the situation at hand.
Please, continue providing this community with your insight and wisdom, good sir.
Anonymous D replied with this 14 years ago, 5 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #300,188
@300,184 (Nega !34Kas0OdzM)
> Never have I witnessed such an astounding lack of good judgement.
While I admit it was a terrible choice on my part, I refuse to believe this statement. You, sir, are on Minichan.
> Never have I witnessed such an astounding lack of good judgement.
While I admit it was a terrible choice on my part, I refuse to believe this statement. You, sir, are on Minichan.
Broseph !!fxnDb+Ve4 joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 56 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #300,204
Anonymous F replied with this 14 years ago, 14 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #300,211
@300,183 (D)
well, tofu is made of soybeans, so close enough i guess
@300,184 (Nega !34Kas0OdzM)
good question, this is; answer, i no have
well, tofu is made of soybeans, so close enough i guess
@300,184 (Nega !34Kas0OdzM)
good question, this is; answer, i no have
Anonymous L joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 2 hours later, 5 hours after the original post[^] [v] #300,254
@300,187 (Nega !34Kas0OdzM)
God, I hate when I see such a beautiful thing and there's no cock attached. They need to make a pill that causes women's clits to grow into 8 inch cocks. The sooner the better.
Don't act like it's a bad idea. You just know women like this are gonna take it just cause they can.
God, I hate when I see such a beautiful thing and there's no cock attached. They need to make a pill that causes women's clits to grow into 8 inch cocks. The sooner the better.
Don't act like it's a bad idea. You just know women like this are gonna take it just cause they can.
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 14 years ago, 20 hours later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #300,524
The correct answer is to pay the hobo to piss in her mouth.
Anonymous E replied with this 14 years ago, 30 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #300,537
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 14 years ago, 7 hours later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #300,736
@previous (E)
Yeah. But let's say that her lips are very, very swollen and it's clear that using the mouth guard would cause pus to spurt into your mouth. And your supervisor is currently using the mechanical apparatus as a bong.
Yeah. But let's say that her lips are very, very swollen and it's clear that using the mouth guard would cause pus to spurt into your mouth. And your supervisor is currently using the mechanical apparatus as a bong.
Anonymous A (OP) double-posted this 14 years ago, 6 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #300,739
@300,254 (L)
> God, I hate when I see such a beautiful thing and there's no cock attached. They need to make a pill that causes women's clits to grow into 8 inch cocks. The sooner the better.
Has the idea of sex with gay men ever occurred to you? You would probably find more muscular gay men than women, or straight men for that matter.
> God, I hate when I see such a beautiful thing and there's no cock attached. They need to make a pill that causes women's clits to grow into 8 inch cocks. The sooner the better.
Has the idea of sex with gay men ever occurred to you? You would probably find more muscular gay men than women, or straight men for that matter.
squeegee !firstkPE1Q joined in and replied with this 14 years ago, 33 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #300,741
@300,736 (A)
what if it was also leprosy and she had a hybrid cancer/aids disease that spreads through the air
what if it was also leprosy and she had a hybrid cancer/aids disease that spreads through the air