Topic: I wrote another poem, tell me what you think.
postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+ started this discussion 15 years ago #15,677
I'm waiting for a conversation
a conversation to get me by
a conversation about the nation
a conversation about the sky
I'd like to talk to you
I think that'd be cool
about how a ghost go's boo
or how to sit on a stool
We can talk a whisper
or we can talk in a shout
about how tap water's crisper
when poured fresh from the spout
we can talk for days
we can talk all night
about seagulls and bays
about darkness and light
My dear it doesn't matter
why you talk to me
because I couldn't be gladder
that you and I are we
a conversation to get me by
a conversation about the nation
a conversation about the sky
I'd like to talk to you
I think that'd be cool
about how a ghost go's boo
or how to sit on a stool
We can talk a whisper
or we can talk in a shout
about how tap water's crisper
when poured fresh from the spout
we can talk for days
we can talk all night
about seagulls and bays
about darkness and light
My dear it doesn't matter
why you talk to me
because I couldn't be gladder
that you and I are we
Anonymous B joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 10 minutes later[^] [v] #273,053
You need a companion poem about how all that conversation that you thought was interesting and cute at first suddenly becomes the same old pointless bitching after a certain point in the relationship.
Also, needs moar insulting acrostic messages
Also, needs moar insulting acrostic messages
postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+ (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 hour later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #273,076
I could not be bothered to care about you my dear
even if you begged, I could not, I fear
your cries, and whines, and smiles and sighs
All for nought, are the lows and the highs
whisper sweet breath in my ear my dear
the sultry spell casts a shiver of near
exasperation as I've been trying hard
to listen to the conversation which I'm starred
scream fuck, scream loud
scream it, do you feel proud?
I feel nothing
I feel nothing
even if you begged, I could not, I fear
your cries, and whines, and smiles and sighs
All for nought, are the lows and the highs
whisper sweet breath in my ear my dear
the sultry spell casts a shiver of near
exasperation as I've been trying hard
to listen to the conversation which I'm starred
scream fuck, scream loud
scream it, do you feel proud?
I feel nothing
I feel nothing
Anonymous C joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #273,077
Do us all a favor and stop writing poetry.
postmortem !!Qe8ScDbX+ (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #273,079
@previous (C)
is it really that bad? I mean, I know it isn't anything special, but I don't think it's terrible.
is it really that bad? I mean, I know it isn't anything special, but I don't think it's terrible.
Anonymous C replied with this 15 years ago, 48 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #273,080
squeegee !hbZVTk6JYc joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 7 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #273,083
Can you write something with a beautiful prostitute in it? It's for a friend.
Dead !Pool7hVoC2 joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 hour later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,191
Can I share my poem with you?
Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 2 hours later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,278
You're just copypasting these poems from here... http://christianchat.com/christian-teens-forum/35385-wrote-poem.html
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 20 minutes later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,282
Anonymous F replied with this 15 years ago, 6 minutes later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,284
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 11 minutes later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,285
hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 6 minutes later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,286
Just give up
Anonymous H joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 8 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,290
hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,292
Anonymous H replied with this 15 years ago, 10 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,295
hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE replied with this 15 years ago, 9 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,304
@previous (H)
That isn't relevant at all and wouldn't stop OP's poem from being so masturbatory and banal.
That isn't relevant at all and wouldn't stop OP's poem from being so masturbatory and banal.
Dead !Pool7hVoC2 replied with this 15 years ago, 18 seconds later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,305
Anonymous H replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,311
@273,304 (hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE)
Well, he should only really accept criticism from someone who knows poetry better than him, and since you don't have the ability to create something better than his obviously terrible work, then you're worse at it than him. Therefore you can't be critical.
@previous (Dead !Pool7hVoC2)
I think that you could! :D
Well, he should only really accept criticism from someone who knows poetry better than him, and since you don't have the ability to create something better than his obviously terrible work, then you're worse at it than him. Therefore you can't be critical.
@previous (Dead !Pool7hVoC2)
I think that you could! :D
hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,317
@previous (H)
A relevant quote by Bukowski:
"if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.
don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it."
A relevant quote by Bukowski:
"if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.
don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it."
(Edited 32 seconds later.)
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,322
hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,326
Anonymous H replied with this 15 years ago, 6 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,337
@273,317 (hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE)
But you still can't make a better poem than him. No amount of intellectual-obscure-hipster quotes can change this.
But you still can't make a better poem than him. No amount of intellectual-obscure-hipster quotes can change this.
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,341
hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,346
Anonymous H replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,348
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,351
@previous (H)
Whoa hamfist gave you a pic of his mom too?
@273,346 (hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE)
> shitty obscure anime that no one watches because it sucks.jpg
Whoa hamfist gave you a pic of his mom too?
@273,346 (hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE)
> shitty obscure anime that no one watches because it sucks.jpg
vocalon !RVtoegPubI joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 52 seconds later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,352
@273,346 (hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE)
Mister Kibble whistled tunelessly as he carefully attached seventeen Happy Pins to his corduroy vest. The vest was already vested with 183 such joyous proclamations, with phrases like "SMILE HAPPY!" and "LET'S FUN!" Not one of them was without an exclamation point. Yesterday had been a slow day, Mister Kibble reflected, but it was important to always replenish the Happiness. You never knew when you might need to give out all 200 pins in one day!
Satisfied with his pinnage, Mister Kibble pulled on the vest, strapped on his Balloon Belt, donned his Happy Hat, and began his greeting practice. "Hello, how are you? No, too aggressive. Hello, how are you? Too creepy. Hello, how are you? There we go. How are you? How are you? Hello! You! How are you? You look happy today! I think you deserve a Happy Pin!" Satisfied, Mister Kibble double checked his supplies one last time and bravely stepped out into the cold gray morning.
Marco stared nervously without hunger at his apple pie. As the waitress walked past she glanced at the uneaten morsel but said nothing. Marco wondered if she saw him shaking. He felt like he was shaking but wasn't sure. Marco was trying to avoid looking at the door but couldn't help watching it in his peripheral vision.
The door swung open and the bell rang. Marco involuntarily jumped in his seat. He felt like he was sweating. A large figure stepped through the door and said, "Morning, Nancy! How's the Happiness today?" Marco stared meaningfully at his pie. It did not give him an appetite. Out of the corner his eye, he saw that the big man was coming his way. Shit. He knew it. Big Nate was fed up with Marco and had sent somebody to do the dirty work. This was it. This Applebee's would be his graveyard.
The large man slowly sidled up and loomed over Marco's table. Marco slowly turned his gaze from the pie to the giant's deadly smiling face. "Hello, how are you?" asked Mister Kibbles. Marco simply stared, his wide eyes filled with mortal fear. "You look a little down, so let's turn that frown upside-down!" Mister Kibbles right hand began to reach down and back toward his Balloon Belt. Marco's eyes carefully followed the hand's trajectory, then suddenly leaped up onto his seat and backed up into the corner, cowering in fright.
"No, please! No!" he cried. Everybody in the diner turned and stared. The quiet murmur of cursory conversation died. "Please! Take anything! Just not my life!" But Mister Kibbles did not blink. Without any change in his demeanor, he pulled out a gun from the back of his Balloon Belt.
"This oughta cheer you up," he said with a wide smile on his face, pressing the barrel against Marco's sweat-soaked forehead. Marco swallowed. The waitress gasped. Coffee went unpoured. Pie went uneaten. Mister Kibbles pulled the trigger.
Marco's brains painted the wall. His corpse slowly sunk down into the booth, no longer shaking with fear. Mister Kibbles took a pin that said "HAPPY DAY!" off his corduroy vest and attached it to Marco's sweater.
"Have a nice day!" Mister Kibbles said, tipping his Happy Hat. He turned to face the diner, whose patrons were staring in shock. "Who wants a balloon animal?"
Mister Kibble whistled tunelessly as he carefully attached seventeen Happy Pins to his corduroy vest. The vest was already vested with 183 such joyous proclamations, with phrases like "SMILE HAPPY!" and "LET'S FUN!" Not one of them was without an exclamation point. Yesterday had been a slow day, Mister Kibble reflected, but it was important to always replenish the Happiness. You never knew when you might need to give out all 200 pins in one day!
Satisfied with his pinnage, Mister Kibble pulled on the vest, strapped on his Balloon Belt, donned his Happy Hat, and began his greeting practice. "Hello, how are you? No, too aggressive. Hello, how are you? Too creepy. Hello, how are you? There we go. How are you? How are you? Hello! You! How are you? You look happy today! I think you deserve a Happy Pin!" Satisfied, Mister Kibble double checked his supplies one last time and bravely stepped out into the cold gray morning.
Marco stared nervously without hunger at his apple pie. As the waitress walked past she glanced at the uneaten morsel but said nothing. Marco wondered if she saw him shaking. He felt like he was shaking but wasn't sure. Marco was trying to avoid looking at the door but couldn't help watching it in his peripheral vision.
The door swung open and the bell rang. Marco involuntarily jumped in his seat. He felt like he was sweating. A large figure stepped through the door and said, "Morning, Nancy! How's the Happiness today?" Marco stared meaningfully at his pie. It did not give him an appetite. Out of the corner his eye, he saw that the big man was coming his way. Shit. He knew it. Big Nate was fed up with Marco and had sent somebody to do the dirty work. This was it. This Applebee's would be his graveyard.
The large man slowly sidled up and loomed over Marco's table. Marco slowly turned his gaze from the pie to the giant's deadly smiling face. "Hello, how are you?" asked Mister Kibbles. Marco simply stared, his wide eyes filled with mortal fear. "You look a little down, so let's turn that frown upside-down!" Mister Kibbles right hand began to reach down and back toward his Balloon Belt. Marco's eyes carefully followed the hand's trajectory, then suddenly leaped up onto his seat and backed up into the corner, cowering in fright.
"No, please! No!" he cried. Everybody in the diner turned and stared. The quiet murmur of cursory conversation died. "Please! Take anything! Just not my life!" But Mister Kibbles did not blink. Without any change in his demeanor, he pulled out a gun from the back of his Balloon Belt.
"This oughta cheer you up," he said with a wide smile on his face, pressing the barrel against Marco's sweat-soaked forehead. Marco swallowed. The waitress gasped. Coffee went unpoured. Pie went uneaten. Mister Kibbles pulled the trigger.
Marco's brains painted the wall. His corpse slowly sunk down into the booth, no longer shaking with fear. Mister Kibbles took a pin that said "HAPPY DAY!" off his corduroy vest and attached it to Marco's sweater.
"Have a nice day!" Mister Kibbles said, tipping his Happy Hat. He turned to face the diner, whose patrons were staring in shock. "Who wants a balloon animal?"
hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,353
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,354
Anonymous K joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,356
@previous (Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU)
i think tsundre is when you act like an asshole to somebody but then eventually come around to like them
i think tsundre is when you act like an asshole to somebody but then eventually come around to like them
hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE replied with this 15 years ago, 30 seconds later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,357
@273,352 (vocalon !RVtoegPubI)
I didn't like the text's voice/tone but overall it wasn't bad and the idea was amusing
I didn't like the text's voice/tone but overall it wasn't bad and the idea was amusing
Dead !Pool7hVoC2 replied with this 15 years ago, 53 seconds later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,358
Anonymous H replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,360
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,362
@273,356 (K)
Yeah I can use The Google as well as the next guy. Doesn't mean he isn't a colossal fag.
Yeah I can use The Google as well as the next guy. Doesn't mean he isn't a colossal fag.
Dead !Pool7hVoC2 replied with this 15 years ago, 20 seconds later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,363
hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE replied with this 15 years ago, 33 seconds later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,365
Anonymous H replied with this 15 years ago, 19 seconds later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,366
Dead !Pool7hVoC2 replied with this 15 years ago, 18 seconds later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,367
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 15 years ago, 45 seconds later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,369
@273,365 (hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE)
My 2 least favorite emoticons are ":3" and anything with a c in it. Congrats on making the worst fucking face on the internet. I hope everyone you've ever liked dies in a plane crash tomorrow.
My 2 least favorite emoticons are ":3" and anything with a c in it. Congrats on making the worst fucking face on the internet. I hope everyone you've ever liked dies in a plane crash tomorrow.
hamfist !0WA0VxNDIE replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,372
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,374
Anonymous K replied with this 15 years ago, 46 seconds later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,375
The Editor !FuckWtfW8M joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 5 seconds later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,376
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 15 years ago, 46 seconds later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,380
@273,375 (K)
That's not nearly as bad.
@previous (The Editor !FuckWtfW8M)
At least the letter c isn't used in any of those.
That's not nearly as bad.
@previous (The Editor !FuckWtfW8M)
At least the letter c isn't used in any of those.
Killer Lettuce !!iNo3FkiZx replied with this 15 years ago, 9 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,394
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,397
Killer Lettuce !!iNo3FkiZx replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,399
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 15 years ago, 7 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,401
@previous (Killer Lettuce !!iNo3FkiZx)
Shut up. We haven't even played Halo once yet. Also why are you up so early?
Shut up. We haven't even played Halo once yet. Also why are you up so early?
Killer Lettuce !!iNo3FkiZx replied with this 15 years ago, 17 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,408
@previous (Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU)
Yeah, we must play Halo at some point. I might suck at it slightly though, haven't played it in a while.
Also, because I haven't gone to sleep yet. :')
Yeah, we must play Halo at some point. I might suck at it slightly though, haven't played it in a while.
Also, because I haven't gone to sleep yet. :')
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,409
@previous (Killer Lettuce !!iNo3FkiZx)
Yeah I'm shit at halo now also.
Don't make me make an "Official go to bed KL" thread.
Yeah I'm shit at halo now also.
Don't make me make an "Official go to bed KL" thread.
The Editor !FuckWtfW8M replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,413
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,414
Killer Lettuce !!iNo3FkiZx replied with this 15 years ago, 9 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[^] [v] #273,422
@273,409 (Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU)
We will be mediocre together, then. :P
> Don't make me make an "Official go to bed KL" thread.
You wouldn't dare.
We will be mediocre together, then. :P
> Don't make me make an "Official go to bed KL" thread.
You wouldn't dare.
(Edited 1 minute later.)