Topic: My housemates hate me
sluggy started this discussion 15 years ago #13,335
Ive suspected they do. My one housemate loved me until her lesbian lover entered the picture. She's a bitch, but a cool person sometimes.
I got her sick, and I've felt hostility as a result. My bad for getting sick. When I was in bed for two days coughing my lungs out, no one asked if I was ok.
I sent an email two days ago saying I was thinking of moving out. I listed why, and it was all reasons concerning myself. All true. Ive gotten no acknowledgement or any kind of contact from the two of them since.
I said "we should talk this weekend."
It's not my fault if she bought a house she can't afford.
I hate how everyone just is nice to me to use me for what they need. Fuck you, humans. Fuck you all. I have no use for any of you.
I got her sick, and I've felt hostility as a result. My bad for getting sick. When I was in bed for two days coughing my lungs out, no one asked if I was ok.
I sent an email two days ago saying I was thinking of moving out. I listed why, and it was all reasons concerning myself. All true. Ive gotten no acknowledgement or any kind of contact from the two of them since.
I said "we should talk this weekend."
It's not my fault if she bought a house she can't afford.
I hate how everyone just is nice to me to use me for what they need. Fuck you, humans. Fuck you all. I have no use for any of you.
(Edited 44 seconds later.)
Anonymous B joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later[^] [v] #239,433
You have a new place lined up to move into?
The Editor !FuckWtfW8M joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 42 minutes later, 46 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #239,444
Haters gonna hate, man.
Leo Vegas !gNoGoD5HzQ joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 47 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #239,445
@OP
I don't hate you bud. You can always come to Florida and move in with me.
I don't hate you bud. You can always come to Florida and move in with me.
Anonymous E joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 50 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #239,446
Overthinking it maybe?
Ks !KansasxqvM joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 5 minutes later, 56 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #239,449
Its reasonable to think she hasn't checked her email yet, or thought of a response. Not all people are bad bro you know that, just a lot of them.
> It's not my fault if she bought a house she can't afford.
True that. Renting should be a last resort... though you're options are going to be limited without a vehicle.
Is this a spur of the moment thing, or something you've been working up to for awhile now? I know you've had issues living there, but sometimes you talk as if everything is okay.
> It's not my fault if she bought a house she can't afford.
True that. Renting should be a last resort... though you're options are going to be limited without a vehicle.
Is this a spur of the moment thing, or something you've been working up to for awhile now? I know you've had issues living there, but sometimes you talk as if everything is okay.
Anonymous B replied with this 15 years ago, 12 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,452
Ks !KansasxqvM replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,453
!hEyBrieeXM joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,454
Anonymous B replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,455
sluggy (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,456
PLEASE - if you will read all of this before commenting (if anyone is willing). Id appreciate it if this didnt go to shit. sorry for the baww, it just ugh. I want to know how I come off and what people think. I expect negativity, but I want to know if I am maybe making the right decision, or if I am being a dick for leaving.
She isn't alone, she lives with her fiancee. I'm hesistant to post this, but here is what I sent.
italics are comments to give context
> Im thinking of moving out. I dunno why, but ever since we moved I've been at rock bottom and keep sinking. I entered a deep depression after the move. I wasn't ready for it all. It was really kind of forced on me, al thought I was up for the idea, by the time it took shape I was not happy with the arrangements (too many people in the house) I didn't have any other option though. I've felt trapped cause I love my housemate and I don't want her to be alone. I've never really felt comfortable here and even without all the people in the house it never got better. I think that's been pretty obvious. Ive become a hermit the last year. Its been commented on by people who aren't friends of mine, mere acquaintances. They would only know from my housemate ratting on me.
> I love living with you, but it's not getting better and this has been the least stressful the house has ever been.
> How much notice is good? I figure I won't start looking until January. I know you've had a lot to do with the house and my rent has to figure into your budget and lots of people left you stranded, so I don't want to do the same.
> I'm a terrible roommate right now anyway. I don't really pull my fair share. Most of this is simply because my idea of clean and when to clear differ greatly from the one housemate. I clean when I think something gets dirty, or if I make a mess. I always clean up after myself after cooking. I don't cook often. Its less than once a month. I rarely dirty any dishes besides glasses. I think there is animosity because I don't empty/start the dishwasher often enough, but I rarely put anything in htere, and I feel I do MORE Than my share because I empty/start it when there isn't anything I put in there. I empty it when I notice, which cause I often don't even go near it somedays, I dont notice it needs emptying. I clean the bathroom, occasionally. Id clean more but I clean when it looks dirty to me. I did a really good job last month. I did a full scrubbing. It still looks clean. My housemate and I never had problems in our apartment. I did a lot more then, though. Now I feel like I dont have any jobs cause I didn't do al ot when there were a lot of people in the house. Also, Im very deperessed. Days blend. sometimes I don't get to it until days after I feel like something needs to be done. I'm like a basement dweller. Im sure if I moved out it would increase everyone's quality of life. Just even having my stuff gone will free up the basement so it's not so cluttered to start. I've got too much personal shit that makes my room too cluttered, so having that all gone will make the house easier to sell.
> I've not be able to get myself out of this. I don't care about anything right now. I can go to work cause I don't hate my job or even mind it. It's about all I can do. I really need a change. I'd seriously like to move to a different state, but that's unrealistic cause I can't risk leaving my job. Its entirely possible I'll not be able to work somewhere else. I couldn't do school. Im at the point where I want to stop smoking for a month or two to see if my mood improves, but I don't want to subject anyone to any possible effects of that. Its the only thing that mitigates my depression, but it's also possible long-term it's having a negative effect. I was at work and started rambling a bit -- my mind isn't as it once was. I notice this more and more with my writing.
> January isn't set in stone, I just wanted to know what would be good for you. THIS IS ME GIVING HER THE OPPURTUNITY TO SAY "I'd really like you to stay" or "It would make things financially harder on me if you moved out now" I know before I had said I was gonna stay till you sold the house, but I dunno when that is and I'm gonna be 30 soon and I'm feeling like maybe I need to be on my own. Im a grown adult who lives with a couple, who I dont even seem to interact with much anymore. I guess a lot is my fault because I can't go to parties, but I'd be happy to go to movies or other things. I said I'd got to the renfaire next weekend, but Im probably not invited anymore. They havent asked if i wanted to watch movies with them or anything in a while. We even set up a TV downstairs for such things
> I haven't felt like myself in years. I need to do something. I'm hardly functional as it is.
> Let me know what you think. I dont want to add to any stress. [kitty's name redacted] will be less cute by then, too. We can talk this weekend.
I don't normally talk about stuff like this in real life, but I don't leave my room. Ever. Its how I spent my life from 19-25 (when I moved out of my parents). I spent all my time in my room. Its normal to me. I get it isn't to other people. I was better at the old apartment. It was smaller, but my room was huge. So I never felt trapped in my room. I would also watch tv and movies in the living room, and play xbox in the living room. I occasionally ate dinner in the kitchen, and even spent many times hanging out with many people in the living area or at friend's houses. I also would do some reading on the couch when I was alone. It was nice. I also had friends then. WE didnt many things together. I often did things out of my comfort zone. It was hard, but my one friend Susan, and JC made going out fun. I didn't get anxious until they started having a psuedo fling, and then I felt ostracized. Things when downhill from there.
There were nights when we would be out, and I'd spend all the time just wandering around not being able to start conversations with strangers (I tried getting very drunk, and that didnt even work. I weighed less and looked better because I was lifting. My insecurity is such a huge roadblock. I would circle the moshulu deck over and over. Id catch some cute chicks at a table, and I would resolve to start up a conversation on the next past, but I never could. The anxiety and discomfort I felt was staggering. I remember trying once and after like two sentences I couldn't talk anymore. At all. It was so embarrassing. They walked away from me. I wasn't sloppy drunk.
Since I've moved, my time is spent in my room. At first, i would feel obligated to hang out with her ex's friends when they were over. So, i'd hang downstairs with them. It was sometimes fun (many of the friends were fun people, but the one who was over most just made me uncomfortable and i hated it.) I really often hung out with them. Mornings was mine. I would smoke in my room and playu video games or whateve. Everyone else was at work though. My friend Susan, when she lived with us before moving, would smoke in the mornings with me. We would also have fun nights when the three of us would do 2ce and hang out. Or just hang out and do late night grovery runs to make good food. Things were so much fun. I really miss that, more than I can express. I was happy those nights. We were friends. We laughed. We had good times.
I can't do that with people anymore. I can with with my housemate, and sometimes her fiancee (my other housemate -- I often get hostility from her. Its always awkward for me when I see it. I try to reach out, but Im awkward and I think I come off as insulting when I am trying to be friendly. Like the other day I was laughing at her handyman magazine, because it was just a ridiculous cover. She was still sick though, which is my fault, so she's probaly angery at me.
I have really severe social anxiety. I know that sounds ridiculous to normal people, but I can't do large groups. I can't do parties where I don't know anyone. It seems i get invited to these things only anymore. Things I feel uncomfortable at. I stopped going to the DJ brunch my friend has because when their other friends show up, I can't talk with them -- and I do try, but then I just feel like everything I saw is awkward. also, they all talk about whats going on in their lives. I have nothing. I do nothing. I am nothing.
I can't get out of it. I know it probably seems like I don't try, but I do. What happens is after the planning and preparing stages andthe initial start, I always end in a slump and then its gone. WHen I get into a slump, it last weeks at a time, where my ups last shortly for a day or few hours. I get very productive during those times, but its only so much I can do.
I know people think "You just need to force yourself to do things." I get that, I try, but sustained commitment to anything is impossible for me right now. THe depression gets so bad I just want to curl up in bed. I don't exaggerate when I say it is extremely severe. Often, extreme guilty prevents me from suicide. The guilt is awful. I know its not fair. I know my mom would be horribly upset. I really don't want to do that to her. My brothers are leaches. My mom wasnt a good mother, but she wasnt mean. her failings weren't from a lakc of love, i dont think (key things, like allowing my father's physical abuse when i was shota probably account for something -- she may have stopped it in secret, but she never stepped in to prevent it from happening. It was ofetn in the car when she wasn't around, but it happens occasionally in the house -- it wasn't as severe as what most kids went through, but the beatings were bad and left me scared and shamed and I blocked a lot of it out -- not completely but I don't really remember how long it went on. Just flashes of key things -- like trying to escape to my top bunk and him draggin me forward and pummeling me, after beating me in the car -- all over me embarrassing him for playing with the fellow cub scouts. Everyone was doing it. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time. I think maybe a scout master yelled at us, but I wasn't singled out.) She really did try to make me happy. She helps me when I need it, even though I haven't been a good son. I skip holidays. I just can't stand my family. Its horribly uncomfortable. I don't get along with any of them. I have nothing going on to talk about. I have NOTHING in common. The man talk sports and trash obama and democrats -- which would be ok but its the ignorant conservative way of doing it. I try to educate them without acting smug (never works, I've since given up mostly, but sometimest hings they say really demand a response). This is 100% isolating. Talking on other matters, like maybe politics or interseting conversations are out of the question. My brother's are dumb and addled from drug use. My mom is an alcoholic, though she drank at my friend's wedding (which had me sooo stressed out) and she was fine. She was stuck at the table with the groom's family, who were a mess. I felt bad for her. I do love my mom. I think. My dad threw a hissy fit when he got to the wedding because he called paged and was on call. He doesn't handle stress well and was a little embarrassing, but I understand he wasn't mad at the people in the wedding for being loud, he was annoyed at being paged.
I don't know what to do. I know I need a change. Is it so horrible if I want to move out? Ive been here over 2 years. Ive helped my housemate through a lot. Im fucked, and I feel trapped. I want to make my life better. I don't feel like I can here. Im not superstitious, but I feel this area is not meant for me. I hate it. I always have. I love my housemate, and I wish we could leave together in other circumstances, or near by.
She hasn't even responded to my e-mail with a "sorry to hear that, yes lets talk this weekend." They are up now, they heard I was awake. They made pot cookies. No offer to me for any (I have said I would donate weed or money). I feel like this a telling move. Ive always shared my drugs to the point where its been commented on and the mutual offering has ended. Even though they use my scale to measure it out.
Im not using depression as a crutch. It seems that way, but people don't understand. I tried therapy. I tried medication. Therapy just made me more anxious (maybe because of my paraphilia) and anti-=depressants make me numb and don't really help my axienty, and just make me feel numb so I don't care Im depressed while having the same symptoms of an inability to stay motivated.
I just dont know what to do. I don't feel like I have any help. I really feel like a change would be beneficial. I would walk much more. I would get more daylight. The area I am in, I can't walk. Pedestrian routes are terrible in suburbs.
I know it probably feels like I dont want to talk to them because my door is always shut. Ive always been this way. At my parents from age 19-25 before I moved out, its where I spent all my time. My house was terrible, always messy (real messy -- I wouldn't bring friends inside). My parents never instilled a good sense of responsibility in me. I try to overcome it, but my perception of clean and my threshold for dirtyness is high. Not as high as when I lived with my parents, but its still like a sloppy bachelor. No one has ever said anything to me, until the other day, and I wasn't sure if that was what was being referred to. I clean the bathroom when no one is home, so I dont even know if they notice it was me and not one of the other two. My housemate's fiance is always getting on her case about cleaning. I try ot help by mowing the lawn a lot, and stuff. I do have a habit of "well, ill do it tomorrow." Time goes by very quickly for me. Every week passes so quickly. It doesn't feel like its been a few weeks since I cleaned the bathroom. It was pretty disgusting (for this house's standards) and I did a thorough good clean that I feel still holds up. I wouldn't be embarrassed to have someone in it. I plan to clean it tonight again. Just need to whipe down and stuff. No mildew or anything.
Can someone give an honest evaluation of how you feel on this? Ill reply with the letter I set MINUS commentary if it helps.
I know its a lot, but no tl;dr
She isn't alone, she lives with her fiancee. I'm hesistant to post this, but here is what I sent.
italics are comments to give context
> Im thinking of moving out. I dunno why, but ever since we moved I've been at rock bottom and keep sinking. I entered a deep depression after the move. I wasn't ready for it all. It was really kind of forced on me, al thought I was up for the idea, by the time it took shape I was not happy with the arrangements (too many people in the house) I didn't have any other option though. I've felt trapped cause I love my housemate and I don't want her to be alone. I've never really felt comfortable here and even without all the people in the house it never got better. I think that's been pretty obvious. Ive become a hermit the last year. Its been commented on by people who aren't friends of mine, mere acquaintances. They would only know from my housemate ratting on me.
> I love living with you, but it's not getting better and this has been the least stressful the house has ever been.
> How much notice is good? I figure I won't start looking until January. I know you've had a lot to do with the house and my rent has to figure into your budget and lots of people left you stranded, so I don't want to do the same.
> I'm a terrible roommate right now anyway. I don't really pull my fair share. Most of this is simply because my idea of clean and when to clear differ greatly from the one housemate. I clean when I think something gets dirty, or if I make a mess. I always clean up after myself after cooking. I don't cook often. Its less than once a month. I rarely dirty any dishes besides glasses. I think there is animosity because I don't empty/start the dishwasher often enough, but I rarely put anything in htere, and I feel I do MORE Than my share because I empty/start it when there isn't anything I put in there. I empty it when I notice, which cause I often don't even go near it somedays, I dont notice it needs emptying. I clean the bathroom, occasionally. Id clean more but I clean when it looks dirty to me. I did a really good job last month. I did a full scrubbing. It still looks clean. My housemate and I never had problems in our apartment. I did a lot more then, though. Now I feel like I dont have any jobs cause I didn't do al ot when there were a lot of people in the house. Also, Im very deperessed. Days blend. sometimes I don't get to it until days after I feel like something needs to be done. I'm like a basement dweller. Im sure if I moved out it would increase everyone's quality of life. Just even having my stuff gone will free up the basement so it's not so cluttered to start. I've got too much personal shit that makes my room too cluttered, so having that all gone will make the house easier to sell.
> I've not be able to get myself out of this. I don't care about anything right now. I can go to work cause I don't hate my job or even mind it. It's about all I can do. I really need a change. I'd seriously like to move to a different state, but that's unrealistic cause I can't risk leaving my job. Its entirely possible I'll not be able to work somewhere else. I couldn't do school. Im at the point where I want to stop smoking for a month or two to see if my mood improves, but I don't want to subject anyone to any possible effects of that. Its the only thing that mitigates my depression, but it's also possible long-term it's having a negative effect. I was at work and started rambling a bit -- my mind isn't as it once was. I notice this more and more with my writing.
> January isn't set in stone, I just wanted to know what would be good for you. THIS IS ME GIVING HER THE OPPURTUNITY TO SAY "I'd really like you to stay" or "It would make things financially harder on me if you moved out now" I know before I had said I was gonna stay till you sold the house, but I dunno when that is and I'm gonna be 30 soon and I'm feeling like maybe I need to be on my own. Im a grown adult who lives with a couple, who I dont even seem to interact with much anymore. I guess a lot is my fault because I can't go to parties, but I'd be happy to go to movies or other things. I said I'd got to the renfaire next weekend, but Im probably not invited anymore. They havent asked if i wanted to watch movies with them or anything in a while. We even set up a TV downstairs for such things
> I haven't felt like myself in years. I need to do something. I'm hardly functional as it is.
> Let me know what you think. I dont want to add to any stress. [kitty's name redacted] will be less cute by then, too. We can talk this weekend.
I don't normally talk about stuff like this in real life, but I don't leave my room. Ever. Its how I spent my life from 19-25 (when I moved out of my parents). I spent all my time in my room. Its normal to me. I get it isn't to other people. I was better at the old apartment. It was smaller, but my room was huge. So I never felt trapped in my room. I would also watch tv and movies in the living room, and play xbox in the living room. I occasionally ate dinner in the kitchen, and even spent many times hanging out with many people in the living area or at friend's houses. I also would do some reading on the couch when I was alone. It was nice. I also had friends then. WE didnt many things together. I often did things out of my comfort zone. It was hard, but my one friend Susan, and JC made going out fun. I didn't get anxious until they started having a psuedo fling, and then I felt ostracized. Things when downhill from there.
There were nights when we would be out, and I'd spend all the time just wandering around not being able to start conversations with strangers (I tried getting very drunk, and that didnt even work. I weighed less and looked better because I was lifting. My insecurity is such a huge roadblock. I would circle the moshulu deck over and over. Id catch some cute chicks at a table, and I would resolve to start up a conversation on the next past, but I never could. The anxiety and discomfort I felt was staggering. I remember trying once and after like two sentences I couldn't talk anymore. At all. It was so embarrassing. They walked away from me. I wasn't sloppy drunk.
Since I've moved, my time is spent in my room. At first, i would feel obligated to hang out with her ex's friends when they were over. So, i'd hang downstairs with them. It was sometimes fun (many of the friends were fun people, but the one who was over most just made me uncomfortable and i hated it.) I really often hung out with them. Mornings was mine. I would smoke in my room and playu video games or whateve. Everyone else was at work though. My friend Susan, when she lived with us before moving, would smoke in the mornings with me. We would also have fun nights when the three of us would do 2ce and hang out. Or just hang out and do late night grovery runs to make good food. Things were so much fun. I really miss that, more than I can express. I was happy those nights. We were friends. We laughed. We had good times.
I can't do that with people anymore. I can with with my housemate, and sometimes her fiancee (my other housemate -- I often get hostility from her. Its always awkward for me when I see it. I try to reach out, but Im awkward and I think I come off as insulting when I am trying to be friendly. Like the other day I was laughing at her handyman magazine, because it was just a ridiculous cover. She was still sick though, which is my fault, so she's probaly angery at me.
I have really severe social anxiety. I know that sounds ridiculous to normal people, but I can't do large groups. I can't do parties where I don't know anyone. It seems i get invited to these things only anymore. Things I feel uncomfortable at. I stopped going to the DJ brunch my friend has because when their other friends show up, I can't talk with them -- and I do try, but then I just feel like everything I saw is awkward. also, they all talk about whats going on in their lives. I have nothing. I do nothing. I am nothing.
I can't get out of it. I know it probably seems like I don't try, but I do. What happens is after the planning and preparing stages andthe initial start, I always end in a slump and then its gone. WHen I get into a slump, it last weeks at a time, where my ups last shortly for a day or few hours. I get very productive during those times, but its only so much I can do.
I know people think "You just need to force yourself to do things." I get that, I try, but sustained commitment to anything is impossible for me right now. THe depression gets so bad I just want to curl up in bed. I don't exaggerate when I say it is extremely severe. Often, extreme guilty prevents me from suicide. The guilt is awful. I know its not fair. I know my mom would be horribly upset. I really don't want to do that to her. My brothers are leaches. My mom wasnt a good mother, but she wasnt mean. her failings weren't from a lakc of love, i dont think (key things, like allowing my father's physical abuse when i was shota probably account for something -- she may have stopped it in secret, but she never stepped in to prevent it from happening. It was ofetn in the car when she wasn't around, but it happens occasionally in the house -- it wasn't as severe as what most kids went through, but the beatings were bad and left me scared and shamed and I blocked a lot of it out -- not completely but I don't really remember how long it went on. Just flashes of key things -- like trying to escape to my top bunk and him draggin me forward and pummeling me, after beating me in the car -- all over me embarrassing him for playing with the fellow cub scouts. Everyone was doing it. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time. I think maybe a scout master yelled at us, but I wasn't singled out.) She really did try to make me happy. She helps me when I need it, even though I haven't been a good son. I skip holidays. I just can't stand my family. Its horribly uncomfortable. I don't get along with any of them. I have nothing going on to talk about. I have NOTHING in common. The man talk sports and trash obama and democrats -- which would be ok but its the ignorant conservative way of doing it. I try to educate them without acting smug (never works, I've since given up mostly, but sometimest hings they say really demand a response). This is 100% isolating. Talking on other matters, like maybe politics or interseting conversations are out of the question. My brother's are dumb and addled from drug use. My mom is an alcoholic, though she drank at my friend's wedding (which had me sooo stressed out) and she was fine. She was stuck at the table with the groom's family, who were a mess. I felt bad for her. I do love my mom. I think. My dad threw a hissy fit when he got to the wedding because he called paged and was on call. He doesn't handle stress well and was a little embarrassing, but I understand he wasn't mad at the people in the wedding for being loud, he was annoyed at being paged.
I don't know what to do. I know I need a change. Is it so horrible if I want to move out? Ive been here over 2 years. Ive helped my housemate through a lot. Im fucked, and I feel trapped. I want to make my life better. I don't feel like I can here. Im not superstitious, but I feel this area is not meant for me. I hate it. I always have. I love my housemate, and I wish we could leave together in other circumstances, or near by.
She hasn't even responded to my e-mail with a "sorry to hear that, yes lets talk this weekend." They are up now, they heard I was awake. They made pot cookies. No offer to me for any (I have said I would donate weed or money). I feel like this a telling move. Ive always shared my drugs to the point where its been commented on and the mutual offering has ended. Even though they use my scale to measure it out.
Im not using depression as a crutch. It seems that way, but people don't understand. I tried therapy. I tried medication. Therapy just made me more anxious (maybe because of my paraphilia) and anti-=depressants make me numb and don't really help my axienty, and just make me feel numb so I don't care Im depressed while having the same symptoms of an inability to stay motivated.
I just dont know what to do. I don't feel like I have any help. I really feel like a change would be beneficial. I would walk much more. I would get more daylight. The area I am in, I can't walk. Pedestrian routes are terrible in suburbs.
I know it probably feels like I dont want to talk to them because my door is always shut. Ive always been this way. At my parents from age 19-25 before I moved out, its where I spent all my time. My house was terrible, always messy (real messy -- I wouldn't bring friends inside). My parents never instilled a good sense of responsibility in me. I try to overcome it, but my perception of clean and my threshold for dirtyness is high. Not as high as when I lived with my parents, but its still like a sloppy bachelor. No one has ever said anything to me, until the other day, and I wasn't sure if that was what was being referred to. I clean the bathroom when no one is home, so I dont even know if they notice it was me and not one of the other two. My housemate's fiance is always getting on her case about cleaning. I try ot help by mowing the lawn a lot, and stuff. I do have a habit of "well, ill do it tomorrow." Time goes by very quickly for me. Every week passes so quickly. It doesn't feel like its been a few weeks since I cleaned the bathroom. It was pretty disgusting (for this house's standards) and I did a thorough good clean that I feel still holds up. I wouldn't be embarrassed to have someone in it. I plan to clean it tonight again. Just need to whipe down and stuff. No mildew or anything.
Can someone give an honest evaluation of how you feel on this? Ill reply with the letter I set MINUS commentary if it helps.
I know its a lot, but no tl;dr
sluggy (OP) double-posted this 15 years ago, 8 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,458
@239,449 (Ks !KansasxqvM)
I hate it here. I always have since i moved in. It triggered a deep dression. I dind't unpack for weeks. I hate it. The circumstances quickly escalated to shit. Not having a care is irrelevant. I want to move to the city. I wont need a car, and I'll get philly car share. Its cheap, and I'd need a car less than once a month. I'll get a bike. I think it would be very good for me (Maybe ill get a vespa, theyre so gay but I think theyre cool and good city transportation).
I think they are mad at me for moving out. I dont think they like me. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe the Fiancee is making things worse. I get hostility from her, but I dont know if its imagined or not. Shes in crabby moods a lot. When she isn't, she is really nice. I just always feel like things are my fault. I know a lot of it is me, and I tried to get that across. I think its all me.
I used to avoid hanging out with the two of them alone. They would either get really intimate in front of me. WAY overly effectionate, that left me feeling like not just a third wheel, but a weird voyeur so I would leave the room. A quick smooch is ok, but when you are with another person, long embraces and knecking and stuff is inappropriate. Also, they get into fights, and I will leave the room. I can't stand fights. I hate it. This hasn't happened recently, but Im sure its set a perception of.
I've also been at my worst point in my life. Ive never been this depressed. I havent been me for a while.
Here is the letter minus commentary
> Im thinking of moving out. I dunno why, but ever since we moved I've been at rock bottom and keep sinking. I've never really felt comfortable here and even without all the people in the house it never got better. I think that's been pretty obvious.
> I love living with you, but it's not getting better and this has been the least stressful the house has ever been.
> How much notice is good? I figure I won't start looking until January. I know you've had a lot to do with the house and my rent has to figure into your budget and lots of people left you stranded, so I don't want to do the same.
> I'm a terrible roommate right now anyway. I'm like a basement dweller. Im sure if I moved out it would increase everyone's quality of life. Just even having my stuff gone will free up the basement so it's not so cluttered to start. I've got too much personal shit that makes my room too cluttered, so having that all gone will make the house easier to sell.
> I've not be able to get myself out of this. I don't care about anything right now. I can go to work cause I don't hate my job or even mind it. It's about all I can do. I really need a change. I'd seriously like to move to a different state, but that's unrealistic cause I can't risk leaving my job. Its entirely possible I'll not be able to work somewhere else. I couldn't do school. Im at the point where I want to stop smoking for a month or two to see if my mood improves, but I don't want to subject anyone to any possible effects of that. Its the only thing that mitigates my depression, but it's also possible long-term it's having a negative effect.
> January isn't set in stone, I just wanted to know what would be good for you. I know before I had said I was gonna stay till you sold the house, but I dunno when that is and I'm gonna be 30 soon and I'm feeling like maybe I need to be on my own.
> I haven't felt like myself in years. I need to do something. I'm hardly functional as it is.
> Let me know what you think. I dont want to add to any stress. Alley will be less cute by then, too. We can talk this weekend.
I know I am often blunt about things, but I feel like I presented this as a request for discussion on the matter. Just an acknowledgment would be fine. I know she has checked her e-mail. I even CC'd it to her fiancee since she lives here too and has an interest in whats going on.
I hate it here. I always have since i moved in. It triggered a deep dression. I dind't unpack for weeks. I hate it. The circumstances quickly escalated to shit. Not having a care is irrelevant. I want to move to the city. I wont need a car, and I'll get philly car share. Its cheap, and I'd need a car less than once a month. I'll get a bike. I think it would be very good for me (Maybe ill get a vespa, theyre so gay but I think theyre cool and good city transportation).
I think they are mad at me for moving out. I dont think they like me. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe the Fiancee is making things worse. I get hostility from her, but I dont know if its imagined or not. Shes in crabby moods a lot. When she isn't, she is really nice. I just always feel like things are my fault. I know a lot of it is me, and I tried to get that across. I think its all me.
I used to avoid hanging out with the two of them alone. They would either get really intimate in front of me. WAY overly effectionate, that left me feeling like not just a third wheel, but a weird voyeur so I would leave the room. A quick smooch is ok, but when you are with another person, long embraces and knecking and stuff is inappropriate. Also, they get into fights, and I will leave the room. I can't stand fights. I hate it. This hasn't happened recently, but Im sure its set a perception of.
I've also been at my worst point in my life. Ive never been this depressed. I havent been me for a while.
Here is the letter minus commentary
> Im thinking of moving out. I dunno why, but ever since we moved I've been at rock bottom and keep sinking. I've never really felt comfortable here and even without all the people in the house it never got better. I think that's been pretty obvious.
> I love living with you, but it's not getting better and this has been the least stressful the house has ever been.
> How much notice is good? I figure I won't start looking until January. I know you've had a lot to do with the house and my rent has to figure into your budget and lots of people left you stranded, so I don't want to do the same.
> I'm a terrible roommate right now anyway. I'm like a basement dweller. Im sure if I moved out it would increase everyone's quality of life. Just even having my stuff gone will free up the basement so it's not so cluttered to start. I've got too much personal shit that makes my room too cluttered, so having that all gone will make the house easier to sell.
> I've not be able to get myself out of this. I don't care about anything right now. I can go to work cause I don't hate my job or even mind it. It's about all I can do. I really need a change. I'd seriously like to move to a different state, but that's unrealistic cause I can't risk leaving my job. Its entirely possible I'll not be able to work somewhere else. I couldn't do school. Im at the point where I want to stop smoking for a month or two to see if my mood improves, but I don't want to subject anyone to any possible effects of that. Its the only thing that mitigates my depression, but it's also possible long-term it's having a negative effect.
> January isn't set in stone, I just wanted to know what would be good for you. I know before I had said I was gonna stay till you sold the house, but I dunno when that is and I'm gonna be 30 soon and I'm feeling like maybe I need to be on my own.
> I haven't felt like myself in years. I need to do something. I'm hardly functional as it is.
> Let me know what you think. I dont want to add to any stress. Alley will be less cute by then, too. We can talk this weekend.
I know I am often blunt about things, but I feel like I presented this as a request for discussion on the matter. Just an acknowledgment would be fine. I know she has checked her e-mail. I even CC'd it to her fiancee since she lives here too and has an interest in whats going on.
(Edited 5 minutes later.)
sluggy (OP) triple-posted this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,460
The strike'd out stuff, was a mistake. I tried to edit just too late. sorry. from @239,456 (sluggy)
sluggy (OP) quadruple-posted this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,462
fixed @239,458 (sluggy) - i copy and pasted thw wrong stuff.
marvin !H0G.H/BnJg replied with this 15 years ago, 11 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,469
@239,456 (sluggy)
> She hasn't even responded to my e-mail with a "sorry to hear that, yes lets talk this weekend." They are up now, they heard I was awake. They made pot cookies. No offer to me for any (I have said I would donate weed or money). I feel like this a telling move. Ive always shared my drugs to the point where its been commented on and the mutual offering has ended. Even though they use my scale to measure it out.
It would be a hard email to respond to. Certainly she's noticed you're not doing well, but at the same time you've probably not communicated any of your struggles to them at all or made any noticeable effort to interact for some time. Then this email comes out of nowhere, weirdly emotional/personal, it sounds like you're fairly close to the edge and totally catastrophizing the situation. That's hard enough to respond to when it's someone you're close to, but to get this out of the blue from someone who apparently refuses to interact anymore? Anyone would be afraid to respond to this in the "wrong" way.
Kind of sucks that she didn't say something to you, but you're shutting yourself away so what is she to do? Lots of people are bad about email or uncomfortable with using it as a medium for personal conversations, and this is just... way personal.
> I know it probably feels like I dont want to talk to them because my door is always shut.
You shut them out totally and privately resent them for not trying to break down your door? This is a far more telling message than them smoking without you or not responding to emails or the other things you bring up as evidence that they hate you. It seems like you're really overanalyzing what they do, and yet failing to take into account how your own actions are coming across to them.
> She hasn't even responded to my e-mail with a "sorry to hear that, yes lets talk this weekend." They are up now, they heard I was awake. They made pot cookies. No offer to me for any (I have said I would donate weed or money). I feel like this a telling move. Ive always shared my drugs to the point where its been commented on and the mutual offering has ended. Even though they use my scale to measure it out.
It would be a hard email to respond to. Certainly she's noticed you're not doing well, but at the same time you've probably not communicated any of your struggles to them at all or made any noticeable effort to interact for some time. Then this email comes out of nowhere, weirdly emotional/personal, it sounds like you're fairly close to the edge and totally catastrophizing the situation. That's hard enough to respond to when it's someone you're close to, but to get this out of the blue from someone who apparently refuses to interact anymore? Anyone would be afraid to respond to this in the "wrong" way.
Kind of sucks that she didn't say something to you, but you're shutting yourself away so what is she to do? Lots of people are bad about email or uncomfortable with using it as a medium for personal conversations, and this is just... way personal.
> I know it probably feels like I dont want to talk to them because my door is always shut.
You shut them out totally and privately resent them for not trying to break down your door? This is a far more telling message than them smoking without you or not responding to emails or the other things you bring up as evidence that they hate you. It seems like you're really overanalyzing what they do, and yet failing to take into account how your own actions are coming across to them.
(Edited 6 minutes later.)
Anonymous G replied with this 15 years ago, 33 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,471
i read your letter and inline commentary in it's entirety, i didn't read most of the stuff after.
i think your're being more than fair in your attempt to work this situation out.
if you are unhappy, you don't need to stay in this house for one more day.
they have no reason to be upset with you and imo your letter should be the start of a conversation about this... if they are truly avoiding you, they're the ones being immature.
i would give it a few more days, and if they haven't brought it up, ask if they got your email.
regardless of the response you get to that question, tell them your plans for moving out.
i think your're being more than fair in your attempt to work this situation out.
if you are unhappy, you don't need to stay in this house for one more day.
they have no reason to be upset with you and imo your letter should be the start of a conversation about this... if they are truly avoiding you, they're the ones being immature.
i would give it a few more days, and if they haven't brought it up, ask if they got your email.
regardless of the response you get to that question, tell them your plans for moving out.
marvin !H0G.H/BnJg replied with this 15 years ago, 5 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,472
I think the move is a bad idea, you're in a precarious place mentally, and at least now you have some stability and the presence of people you've gotten along with in the past. You really owe more of an effort to fixing the situation first imo.
I think it's really unfair to judge her for these small things she does as evidence she's a terrible person or hates you. You owe her a conversation in person about what's going on with you and your perceptions of how things have gone downhill. A real conversation, not an email. I think she'd be totally shocked to find out the conclusions you've drawn about the situation.
Curious though - what's your relationship with her fiance like? You mention her and her actions a lot, but rarely bring him up.
I think it's really unfair to judge her for these small things she does as evidence she's a terrible person or hates you. You owe her a conversation in person about what's going on with you and your perceptions of how things have gone downhill. A real conversation, not an email. I think she'd be totally shocked to find out the conclusions you've drawn about the situation.
Curious though - what's your relationship with her fiance like? You mention her and her actions a lot, but rarely bring him up.
marvin !H0G.H/BnJg double-posted this 15 years ago, 7 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #239,475
Also, on things like moving, keep the emotional stuff out of it totally. "Wanted to talk to you about the living situation, and the possibility of me moving out in January. Nothing's set in stone but I wanted to give you as much notice as possible. Will you be around Saturday to discuss this?" That is all you needed to say and I bet you'd have gotten a response to that.
Bringing up all of this other stuff in the same email/conversation will lead to so much miscommunication and potentially more bad feelings. Telling her you think she hates you and tells people you're a hermit and all this, in the same conversation as the discussion of when you're moving out and how much notice to give? That's how people end up with awful endgames to roommate situations, unreturned security deposits, disputes over whose stuff is what, etc. Keep that part of it as professional as possible.
Bringing up all of this other stuff in the same email/conversation will lead to so much miscommunication and potentially more bad feelings. Telling her you think she hates you and tells people you're a hermit and all this, in the same conversation as the discussion of when you're moving out and how much notice to give? That's how people end up with awful endgames to roommate situations, unreturned security deposits, disputes over whose stuff is what, etc. Keep that part of it as professional as possible.
Anonymous H joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 42 seconds later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,477
@239,469 (marvin !H0G.H/BnJg)
I don't agree that it's too personal. we don't know enough about his relationship with this housemate to make that judgement. It sounds like they've known each other for a while...
Jump, if you were to move out, do you have anyone you know who would be roommates with you? While your current situation sounds really shitty, moving into an even more isolated environment with a stranger (or worse for you no roomate) is not going to help you.
What happened to Susan and JC? Hopefully you still have contact with them at least?
I don't agree that it's too personal. we don't know enough about his relationship with this housemate to make that judgement. It sounds like they've known each other for a while...
Jump, if you were to move out, do you have anyone you know who would be roommates with you? While your current situation sounds really shitty, moving into an even more isolated environment with a stranger (or worse for you no roomate) is not going to help you.
What happened to Susan and JC? Hopefully you still have contact with them at least?
Ks !KansasxqvM replied with this 15 years ago, 26 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,492
I hope she comes around and talks to you, settles things so to speak. I also think moving out is a bad idea, but I don't walk in your shoes... Frankly I worry that you see moving out as a means to escape your current mental/emotional predicament, start fresh and sorta start over. But what happens if you move out and things don't go as you'd hoped? What then man? Then you'd be feeling shitty and really alone. From the way you've talked these last six months or so (maybe more), I really don't think moving out is gonna be the big break you're hoping for. All this is not what you want to hear, I know... Again, I really hope she can sort this out with you, because I get the feeling she's the only one who can change your mind about this.
sluggy (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 24 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,498
@239,475 (marvin !H0G.H/BnJg)
the stuff in italics was commentary for context.
i guess. i was just trying to explain the reasoning. Id talk in person, but i rarely see her. our schedules are so off, shes gone from work before i get, and im asleep at night. i sometimes see her while getting ready for work, but its rare. on the weekends i sleep late, 2am, and they get up late. so its often i may only see them an hour at most. and im getting ready for bed.
its not intentional that i avoid them. i try to be friendly, but its hard when its both of them together, and the one gives me hostility. ill chat in the mornings if they are up.
the stuff in italics was commentary for context.
i guess. i was just trying to explain the reasoning. Id talk in person, but i rarely see her. our schedules are so off, shes gone from work before i get, and im asleep at night. i sometimes see her while getting ready for work, but its rare. on the weekends i sleep late, 2am, and they get up late. so its often i may only see them an hour at most. and im getting ready for bed.
its not intentional that i avoid them. i try to be friendly, but its hard when its both of them together, and the one gives me hostility. ill chat in the mornings if they are up.
marvin !H0G.H/BnJg replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,501
@previous (sluggy)
Ah, got it.
I think the relationship is salvageable still. I doubt she hates you at all.
Ah, got it.
I think the relationship is salvageable still. I doubt she hates you at all.
sluggy (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 45 minutes later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,509
@239,492 (Ks !KansasxqvM)
Im really miserable here. Change is usually a good thing. It will just be an easier location to live. Ill be closer to people i know, so i can actually do things.
Im really miserable here. Change is usually a good thing. It will just be an easier location to live. Ill be closer to people i know, so i can actually do things.
Swashbuckler !!+SaaZSjSE joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 hour later, 5 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,541
Take a dump on their bed. They will get the message.
sluggy (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 8 hours later, 13 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,627
@previous (Swashbuckler !!+SaaZSjSE)
They made pot cookies and didnt offer me any.
They dont think of me as a human being.
They made pot cookies and didnt offer me any.
They dont think of me as a human being.
Anonymous J joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,631
sluggy (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 5 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,637
@previous (J)
I DONT HAVE THE WEED.
I always offered to spare some weed or give money. I always offered them ym pot cookies. they ate more of mine than i have of theirs. i contributed most of the one batch of theirs, anyway.
this has been like the third time. they hide them too. i havent ever seen the cookies. Why hide them? I wouldnt steal any. Id offer to buy some before taking (as i always have). it annoys me on multiple levels that you will eat up my shit, but htne treat me like im some thief when i have been nothing but a kind gent.
I DONT HAVE THE WEED.
I always offered to spare some weed or give money. I always offered them ym pot cookies. they ate more of mine than i have of theirs. i contributed most of the one batch of theirs, anyway.
this has been like the third time. they hide them too. i havent ever seen the cookies. Why hide them? I wouldnt steal any. Id offer to buy some before taking (as i always have). it annoys me on multiple levels that you will eat up my shit, but htne treat me like im some thief when i have been nothing but a kind gent.
marvin !H0G.H/BnJg replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,638
@previous (sluggy)
Dude, this is a little psychotic. Just freaking talk to them and stop making this into such a giant drama in your head. Some people are just oblivious.
Dude, this is a little psychotic. Just freaking talk to them and stop making this into such a giant drama in your head. Some people are just oblivious.
Anonymous J replied with this 15 years ago, 48 seconds later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,640
@239,637 (sluggy)
inb4 it turns out that you don't talk to them about these things and just stew in your basement instead
inb4 it turns out that you don't talk to them about these things and just stew in your basement instead
sluggy (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,644
@239,638 (marvin !H0G.H/BnJg)
@previous (J)
reading everything back, i understand this. still, i have not been able to leave my room all morning. im hungry, but i feel like i can't leave. every time i hear them laugh or something, i feel like they are making fun of me.
i know this is delusional, but it doesn't feel like it.
@previous (J)
reading everything back, i understand this. still, i have not been able to leave my room all morning. im hungry, but i feel like i can't leave. every time i hear them laugh or something, i feel like they are making fun of me.
i know this is delusional, but it doesn't feel like it.
Anonymous J replied with this 15 years ago, 7 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,650
@previous (sluggy)
> i know this is delusional, but it doesn't feel like it.
Well it is. Querulant delusions can turn out dangerously. Either talk to them or go and receive medical help.
> i know this is delusional, but it doesn't feel like it.
Well it is. Querulant delusions can turn out dangerously. Either talk to them or go and receive medical help.
sluggy (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 14 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,656
[^_^] !yyQ9.ZkX3. joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 5 hours later, 20 hours after the original post[^] [v] #239,941
Rent a place and i will be your houskeeper
EDIT nothing has been edited.
EDIT nothing has been edited.
(Edited 26 seconds later.)
!hEyBrieeXM replied with this 15 years ago, 1 day later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #241,012
@239,656 (sluggy)i wish my voices would tell me what to do.. but instead, they're just dicks.
i know what you mean with the laughter seeming to be about you... but you should try to force yourself to go out and talk to them... it's not like they're going to say 'No'.
Anonymous L joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 14 hours later, 2 days after the original post[^] [v] #241,345
i worry about you jump