Topic: I've joined a troop of baboons
Anonymous A started this discussion 2 weeks ago #132,038
I became lost in a thick, vast jungle in the DRC. I was starving and near death when a kind old female baboon took me up and bak to her troop. There, they nursed me back to health and accepted me as one of their own. I have learned their mannerisms and sounds, and now that have made me their alpha male. I'm not sure what to do about this, as I just want to go home.
Anonymous A (OP) double-posted this 2 weeks ago, 17 minutes later[^] [v] #1,410,814
Here's the one who saved me.Anonymous A (OP) triple-posted this 2 weeks ago, 5 minutes later, 22 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,815
A local troop of chimpanzees has been scouting us, and I fear they want a war. While I am the alpha male of my own baboon troop, and while they seem not to understand that I am not one of them, I am helpless against chimpanzees. They will seek me out first as the alpha male and simply rip me apart. Please give me advice. I can't abandon my troop, but I fear for my life!
Black dude on the internet joined in and replied with this 2 weeks ago, 9 minutes later, 32 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,818
@previous (A)
Explain to the baboons how a metal oxidize semiconductor field effect transistor works. If you can find a river with sand by the banks, sand is made from silica which contains silicon. There are lithium mines in the southern DRC. If you can create lithium ion batters and work with the baboons to develop an extreme ultraviolet photolithography machine with a high numerical aperture, and you can use hydroelectric power generation and lithium ion batteries, what you can do, is you can build a chip production facility in the jungle. Then what you’re going to want to do, is you’re going to want to install fiber optic cables. Next, you’re going to want to develop your own hypertext transport protocol. This will allow you to manufacture computers that you can use to communicate via email. This will give you a massive military advantage over the chimpanzees. However, the real advantage comes in when you start mass producing GPUs to train neural networks. This will enable your tribe of baboons to create AI powered swarms of autonomous killer drones.
Explain to the baboons how a metal oxidize semiconductor field effect transistor works. If you can find a river with sand by the banks, sand is made from silica which contains silicon. There are lithium mines in the southern DRC. If you can create lithium ion batters and work with the baboons to develop an extreme ultraviolet photolithography machine with a high numerical aperture, and you can use hydroelectric power generation and lithium ion batteries, what you can do, is you can build a chip production facility in the jungle. Then what you’re going to want to do, is you’re going to want to install fiber optic cables. Next, you’re going to want to develop your own hypertext transport protocol. This will allow you to manufacture computers that you can use to communicate via email. This will give you a massive military advantage over the chimpanzees. However, the real advantage comes in when you start mass producing GPUs to train neural networks. This will enable your tribe of baboons to create AI powered swarms of autonomous killer drones.
Black dude on the internet double-posted this 2 weeks ago, 5 minutes later, 37 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,822
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 2 weeks ago, 59 seconds later, 38 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,824
Black dude on the internet replied with this 2 weeks ago, 4 minutes later, 43 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,828
@previous (A)
> These are baboons. They will never understand that.
You ever seen planet of the apes? You just gotta modify their DNA. Certain bacteria contain an enzyme called CRISPR. The way that cells produce enzymes is that the DNA is a double helix, a stand of RNA is a single helix. The way you copy DNA is by unzipping it into two strands of RNA, then free nucleotides can bind to the two strands of RNA to create copies. These copies are called mRNA which is short for messenger RNA.
The way a virus works is it inserts its own mRNA which forces your cell to produce enzymes that create copies of the virus. Bacteria as single celled organisms need some way to remember the genomes of viruses in order to develop immunity. The CRISPR enzyme splices DNA and inserts viral DNA as palindromic sequences so the bacteria can know not to read that DNA if it ever sees it again, thus developing immunity.
What you could do is modify the DNA of the baboons to create a super race of highly intelligent baboons that are smarter than humans who can map out the cosmos and conquer the universe for you.
> These are baboons. They will never understand that.
You ever seen planet of the apes? You just gotta modify their DNA. Certain bacteria contain an enzyme called CRISPR. The way that cells produce enzymes is that the DNA is a double helix, a stand of RNA is a single helix. The way you copy DNA is by unzipping it into two strands of RNA, then free nucleotides can bind to the two strands of RNA to create copies. These copies are called mRNA which is short for messenger RNA.
The way a virus works is it inserts its own mRNA which forces your cell to produce enzymes that create copies of the virus. Bacteria as single celled organisms need some way to remember the genomes of viruses in order to develop immunity. The CRISPR enzyme splices DNA and inserts viral DNA as palindromic sequences so the bacteria can know not to read that DNA if it ever sees it again, thus developing immunity.
What you could do is modify the DNA of the baboons to create a super race of highly intelligent baboons that are smarter than humans who can map out the cosmos and conquer the universe for you.
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 2 weeks ago, 39 seconds later, 44 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,829
@previous (Black dude on the internet)
Dude, a troop of chimps is going to attack my troop soon and tear my head off. I don't have time for that. I need immediate advice!
Dude, a troop of chimps is going to attack my troop soon and tear my head off. I don't have time for that. I need immediate advice!
Black dude on the internet replied with this 2 weeks ago, 1 minute later, 45 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,830
Black dude on the internet double-posted this 2 weeks ago, 17 seconds later, 45 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,831
Good luck with that! :D
Anonymous C joined in and replied with this 2 weeks ago, 4 minutes later, 50 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,832
> I need immediate advice!
Tell your mom to take one for the team, and let the baboons fuck her one by one. That will allow you and your troop to escape.
Tell your mom to take one for the team, and let the baboons fuck her one by one. That will allow you and your troop to escape.
Black dude on the internet replied with this 2 weeks ago, 1 minute later, 52 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,834
Black dude on the internet double-posted this 2 weeks ago, 2 minutes later, 54 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,835
Dicks out for OP. He was the bravest soldier Pooland has lost. 🫡🇵🇱
(Edited 2 minutes later.)
Anonymous C replied with this 2 weeks ago, 3 minutes later, 58 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,837
@previous (Black dude on the internet)
Maybe the baboons mistook him for his mom, and they are fucking him instead?
Maybe the baboons mistook him for his mom, and they are fucking him instead?
Oatmeal Fucker !BYUc1TwJMU joined in and replied with this 2 weeks ago, 6 hours later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #1,410,921
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 2 weeks ago, 17 hours later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #1,411,098
Update: the chimpanzees have my baboon troop surrounded and are using hand signals and grunts to signal that they want me, the alpha male, and that if my troop hands me over, they will spare the others. My troop are urging me not to give messes to the chimps, that they will fight with me to the death, but I feel an obligation to the barons who saved my life. I am considering turning mys4elf in to the chimps and a certain violent, agonizing death. What should I do?