Topic: I honestly hate feeling forced to do something.
La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI started this discussion 1 month ago #125,454
I honestly hate it whenever people try to force things that aren't there. I'm transgender as many of you here already know. I don't really talk about this to anyone in public, because quite frankly, if people knew this about me then there is always the chance they'll see me differently. It's not just people who are transphobic, but people who are allies and supporters too. I don't identify with the terminology of "transgender" or "trans," but acknowledge such terminology as necessary in certain circumstances like medical purposes or legal purposes (this one might be a bit sketchy now). It's no business of the Average Joe or Average Jane to know this about myself. However, there is one circumstance where I do acknowledge this status, and that is in the case of if a guy (or girl) is genuinely interested in me. Romantic, sexual, relationship shit. Even if the person isn't inherently transphobic, people, especially (cis) men, have preferences and might not like dick, girl dick, galls (whatever the T community calls it), or whatever the kids these days use to refer to the sexual organ that has roots in a clitoris.
However, fairly recently, and going back a couple of years. I caught feelings for a guy at my current workplace. I had accepted it likely wouldn't have worked out because of me being transgender. Nobody knew this at the time or maybe they did and just didn't say anything. I tend to be kind of androgynous depending on which California county I'm in. A lot of my co-workers tend to ship their peers and in this case they actually managed to get lucky by pairing me up with the one guy I sort of did have feelings for. We were also currently talking at the time too. I didn't appreciate one specific co-worker rallying up my emotions because it was what stirred the pot. I acknowledged my own feelings and it started to hurt so much that I sent him a text message. He's a gentleman so he let down gently. I knew this was the time when I needed to start the process of getting past these feelings and give him some space. Yet my co-workers kept pushing me to go for it, not understanding my situation. Until eventually I told them I didn't want to entertain the idea anymore and they sort of laid off me.
Skip forward a few months and a few who I thought were my friends stopped being my friends. They would promise to invite me to places. Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios. Promise to keep me informed, but never even bothered to reach out and inform of any change in plans. So, I'm just like, okay, whatever. If you can't be assed enough to contact me and inform me the trip was turned into a couple's only night, then I can see you just never cared about me enough to be my friend. Because surely you would've informed your other friends going too, right? Point is, this is how I met one of my closest friends from work. She had the exact same experience. I've yet to come out to her about this even though I know she wouldn't judge me. She has a gay friend for crying out loud and she probably already figured it out. She made cheeky jokes about me not needing Pampers (pads). She is also a survivor of meningitis and a consequence of that is memory problems. Though I noticed she has decent long-term memory. It seems once she started to realize that I really have feelings for this guy. She started playfully teasing the idea at first, because she thought it was cute whenever I blushed. This continued for the first two years at this company, but it was mostly outside of work. She is the only friend I made from work and the only person who I speak too outside of work.
And more recently, like this year, she started changing up this teasing to address this guy formally by his last name and always replied with "He will, wait a few months and you'll have him," whenever I told her that he doesn't have the same feelings for me. I get what playing around is but if something continues for this long it seems suspicious. She acts like she knows things or she has something on the down low with this guy. It was enough to make me nervous that I will eventually have to come out to him and probably break his heart. Not wanting to do that, I sort of, as of a few nights ago. Came out to a co-worker who talks to him a lot. I made her promise not to tell, but she probably told someone else close to him and her. Not that it matters anyway, because my workplace is where secrets come to die. This probably was already out. There are things about this guy that are out. How do I know? I overheard my name get mentioned and a "Did you hear about Aliyah?" followed by a smirk like she didn't know I was there.
The conservation also led to a "He said he'll make it work," followed by a response of, "Right now, he's a Republican." Too little information to confirm anything, but I have this feeling that me being transgender, essentially the last wall or block to come down, might not prevent anything and I'm getting nervous that a potential relationship might be looming on the horizon. I never had a relationship before so this kind of scares me. What do you think of all of this?
However, fairly recently, and going back a couple of years. I caught feelings for a guy at my current workplace. I had accepted it likely wouldn't have worked out because of me being transgender. Nobody knew this at the time or maybe they did and just didn't say anything. I tend to be kind of androgynous depending on which California county I'm in. A lot of my co-workers tend to ship their peers and in this case they actually managed to get lucky by pairing me up with the one guy I sort of did have feelings for. We were also currently talking at the time too. I didn't appreciate one specific co-worker rallying up my emotions because it was what stirred the pot. I acknowledged my own feelings and it started to hurt so much that I sent him a text message. He's a gentleman so he let down gently. I knew this was the time when I needed to start the process of getting past these feelings and give him some space. Yet my co-workers kept pushing me to go for it, not understanding my situation. Until eventually I told them I didn't want to entertain the idea anymore and they sort of laid off me.
Skip forward a few months and a few who I thought were my friends stopped being my friends. They would promise to invite me to places. Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios. Promise to keep me informed, but never even bothered to reach out and inform of any change in plans. So, I'm just like, okay, whatever. If you can't be assed enough to contact me and inform me the trip was turned into a couple's only night, then I can see you just never cared about me enough to be my friend. Because surely you would've informed your other friends going too, right? Point is, this is how I met one of my closest friends from work. She had the exact same experience. I've yet to come out to her about this even though I know she wouldn't judge me. She has a gay friend for crying out loud and she probably already figured it out. She made cheeky jokes about me not needing Pampers (pads). She is also a survivor of meningitis and a consequence of that is memory problems. Though I noticed she has decent long-term memory. It seems once she started to realize that I really have feelings for this guy. She started playfully teasing the idea at first, because she thought it was cute whenever I blushed. This continued for the first two years at this company, but it was mostly outside of work. She is the only friend I made from work and the only person who I speak too outside of work.
And more recently, like this year, she started changing up this teasing to address this guy formally by his last name and always replied with "He will, wait a few months and you'll have him," whenever I told her that he doesn't have the same feelings for me. I get what playing around is but if something continues for this long it seems suspicious. She acts like she knows things or she has something on the down low with this guy. It was enough to make me nervous that I will eventually have to come out to him and probably break his heart. Not wanting to do that, I sort of, as of a few nights ago. Came out to a co-worker who talks to him a lot. I made her promise not to tell, but she probably told someone else close to him and her. Not that it matters anyway, because my workplace is where secrets come to die. This probably was already out. There are things about this guy that are out. How do I know? I overheard my name get mentioned and a "Did you hear about Aliyah?" followed by a smirk like she didn't know I was there.
The conservation also led to a "He said he'll make it work," followed by a response of, "Right now, he's a Republican." Too little information to confirm anything, but I have this feeling that me being transgender, essentially the last wall or block to come down, might not prevent anything and I'm getting nervous that a potential relationship might be looming on the horizon. I never had a relationship before so this kind of scares me. What do you think of all of this?
La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI (OP) double-posted this 1 month ago, 1 minute later[^] [v] #1,359,000
I should also note that I really really want to come out to my friend. I want to be fully transparent with her, but I'm scared. I know she likely doesn't judge me. She is an ally with a gay friend. It's just coming out about something like this is scary.
Kook !!rcSrAtaAC joined in and replied with this 1 month ago, 11 minutes later, 13 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,008
@previous (La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI)
If you're not out to her, how does she know you don't need pads??
If you're not out to her, how does she know you don't need pads??
Anonymous C joined in and replied with this 1 month ago, 14 minutes later, 27 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,011
Damn you cry a lot.Anonymous D joined in and replied with this 1 month ago, 9 minutes later, 37 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,013
@1,359,008 (Kook !!rcSrAtaAC)
The whole topic is frankly only skim worthy. I think she was refereeing to a different person.
Cathy best stick with only gay or tran people of your own kind.
The whole topic is frankly only skim worthy. I think she was refereeing to a different person.
Cathy best stick with only gay or tran people of your own kind.
La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI (OP) replied with this 1 month ago, 6 minutes later, 43 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,014
@1,359,008 (Kook !!rcSrAtaAC)
She probably figured it out on her own. People can read reactions and actions. She does people watch sometimes. Though she thinks I'm a "little girl in mind." Because she always says I look and sound like a little girl. I think she's hearing my speech impediment.
She probably figured it out on her own. People can read reactions and actions. She does people watch sometimes. Though she thinks I'm a "little girl in mind." Because she always says I look and sound like a little girl. I think she's hearing my speech impediment.
Kook !!rcSrAtaAC replied with this 1 month ago, 1 minute later, 45 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,016
@previous (La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI)
So there seems to be no point in officially coming out if she knows
Its awkward when people do that anyway
So there seems to be no point in officially coming out if she knows
Its awkward when people do that anyway
Anonymous D replied with this 1 month ago, 33 seconds later, 46 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,017
@1,359,014 (La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI)
I need to correct something you said.
> whatever the kids these days use to refer to the sexual organ that has roots in a clitoris.
Directly from the web: The statement "penis has roots in a clitoris" is inaccurate. While both the penis and clitoris develop from the same embryonic tissue, they are distinct organs with different functions,
and the penis does not have its roots in the clitoris
I need to correct something you said.
> whatever the kids these days use to refer to the sexual organ that has roots in a clitoris.
Directly from the web: The statement "penis has roots in a clitoris" is inaccurate. While both the penis and clitoris develop from the same embryonic tissue, they are distinct organs with different functions,
and the penis does not have its roots in the clitoris
Anonymous E joined in and replied with this 1 month ago, 15 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,021
@1,359,011 (C)
im considering putting chris-chan here on the ostrichlist. i really dont wanna do that because its the mother of all slippery slopes, but damn this inane literal motherfucker be testing my resolve
im considering putting chris-chan here on the ostrichlist. i really dont wanna do that because its the mother of all slippery slopes, but damn this inane literal motherfucker be testing my resolve
La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI (OP) replied with this 1 month ago, 1 second later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,022
@1,359,017 (D)
They start from the same thing. Not sure what your point here is exactly, but you're likely that egg on here trying to find excuses for why you're not trans, so why should I take anything you post seriously?
They start from the same thing. Not sure what your point here is exactly, but you're likely that egg on here trying to find excuses for why you're not trans, so why should I take anything you post seriously?
La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI (OP) double-posted this 1 month ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,023
@1,359,021 (E)
Please do put me on the ostrichlist. That way I don't have to see you coming into these threads bitching about irrelevant shit.
Please do put me on the ostrichlist. That way I don't have to see you coming into these threads bitching about irrelevant shit.
La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI (OP) triple-posted this 1 month ago, 51 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,024
@1,359,016 (Kook !!rcSrAtaAC)
That's the thing. I don't know if she knows for sure. She asks questions like she wants to know, but I don't think she knows for sure in her mind.
That's the thing. I don't know if she knows for sure. She asks questions like she wants to know, but I don't think she knows for sure in her mind.
Anonymous D replied with this 1 month ago, 4 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,025
@1,359,022 (La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI)
@previous (La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI)
What I gave you was copy/pasta from the web.
Thanks for the laff however not once in my life have I said to self, I need an excuse for not being a Trans.
Now frankly it seems to me you have nothing to lose for coming out to her. I understand why you would hold back with people you work with. Anyway best luck with her.
I just don't see how you can have close friends and not be honest with them.
@previous (La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI)
What I gave you was copy/pasta from the web.
Thanks for the laff however not once in my life have I said to self, I need an excuse for not being a Trans.
Now frankly it seems to me you have nothing to lose for coming out to her. I understand why you would hold back with people you work with. Anyway best luck with her.
I just don't see how you can have close friends and not be honest with them.
Kook !!rcSrAtaAC replied with this 1 month ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,026
Kook !!rcSrAtaAC double-posted this 1 month ago, 21 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,027
Kook !!rcSrAtaAC triple-posted this 1 month ago, 48 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,029
La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI (OP) replied with this 1 month ago, 5 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,030
@1,359,025 (D)
A lot of my close friends know. She is just one who doesn't know yet.
@1,359,027 (Kook !!rcSrAtaAC)
Just better transparency. She knows I take medications, have appointments, but not much beyond that.
A lot of my close friends know. She is just one who doesn't know yet.
@1,359,027 (Kook !!rcSrAtaAC)
Just better transparency. She knows I take medications, have appointments, but not much beyond that.
La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI (OP) double-posted this 1 month ago, 29 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,031
Anonymous D replied with this 1 month ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,032
@previous (La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI)Impossible as he never got over the loss of your neighbor.
La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI (OP) replied with this 1 month ago, 2 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,035
Anonymous D replied with this 1 month ago, 32 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,043
@previous (La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI)
What is up with this on TC?
> Due to some weird phenomenon. I may be called to depart these communities for greener pastures.
https://tinychan.net/topic/68037
What is up with this on TC?
> Due to some weird phenomenon. I may be called to depart these communities for greener pastures.
https://tinychan.net/topic/68037
(Edited 46 seconds later.)
La Reina Catalina !j0siCathyI (OP) replied with this 1 month ago, 5 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,045
@previous (D)
Don't worry about it. Just something to see if you'd take notice of it, old man.
You took my bait.
Don't worry about it. Just something to see if you'd take notice of it, old man.
You took my bait.
(Edited 24 seconds later.)
Anonymous C replied with this 1 month ago, 29 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,051
@1,359,043 (D)
He did it before, and then he came back. Apparently he got butthurt on whatever that other site was he went to.
He did it before, and then he came back. Apparently he got butthurt on whatever that other site was he went to.
Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 1 month ago, 59 minutes later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #1,359,060
Do it -Nike