Topic: A needed release.
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc started this discussion 15 years ago #12,433
You might believe that people are innately benevolent. That deep down inside, everyone wishes to do good. That there is no such thing as evil out there.
Sadly, that's utterly wrong.
I, myself, am a victim of a person that could be described as any number of not-so-good things, be it "manipulative", "psychopathic", or "evil". Either way, he is the person that broke my evidently delusional perception of all people being good on the inside.
Now, this is a long story, but I'm going to tell it; of course, to tell it well, some background will be needed first. This started in early 2010, back when I'd just turned fifteen. So, I'd met this person on IRC. He seemed like a pretty cool guy initially; he was (and somehow still is) an operator in several channels, and came across as likable and mature; sometimes, he'd have lapses of anger, but for the most part, he was a decent person. We'd gotten to know each other out of an odd combination of circumstances, including him wanting people to donate money to him (as he was supposedly unable to pay rent at the time), and me wanting to draw for someone. Of course, this led to me giving him $10 for his rent, and spending about ten hours on drawing a picture for him. At the time, this was normal behaviour for me, as I was desperate to keep any friends I made due to my underconfidence at such.
During this early phase, in which he was only sort of a friend, he rarely showed his bad side; save for the occasional moment of bitchiness, he was quite nice to talk to. However, due to drama in my family (centred around me) leading to me being locked out of the house's Wi-Fi, I didn't talk to him for a while. The lack of contact continued to roughly May; by then, I'd had two instances of developing confusing feelings towards people, ones that I would later discover to be that wonderfully strange thing called love.
That moment of discovery, where I was to find out what love was, and how much it could jerk around with someone, was to come with the person that I now regard as my abuser. It was pretty much as soon as the two of us started to talk again that I became closer to him. At the time, there were few people that I talked to regularly, and he was one of two or three that I actually trusted. How he'd won my trust, I don't know; I suspect it had much to do with him playing on my weaknesses, which I was willing to reveal to almost anyone at the time. Anyways, what was once friendship had become a now stronger bond: at this time, he was being the kind of friend that almost anyone would want, and that many would trust if they merely expected everyone to be who they present themselves as. Now that is where it gets problematic: the image he projects in public is often one of broad, generalising misanthropy, and excessive anger; meanwhile, I was more inclined towards believing what I could only confirm as my perception, which was that he was a great person.
The point at which things started to get hairy, though, was that point in time where I discovered that what I felt for him was love. I was confused that I'd feel such towards someone so much older than me (he was almost twenty-one back at the time), but undaunted; I was willing to adjust my sleep schedule to be online at the same times as him, seeing as he generally got on about three hours after I used to. It all felt amazing at the time, and I wanted him desperately, but that was not to be; it shouldn't've been, even if both of us wanted it, and, as I was to find out, he wanted something else.
The mindfuck, though it'd been going on since I met him, ramped up in to full gear after I revealed how I felt towards him: as he had already seen a trend of me willing to do a lot for him with little reason on his part, including drawing four pictures (taking >40 hours in total) for him, and cutting off people who wanted to talk to me due to him having grudges against them, he most likely saw that I was an easy mark, at which point he moved towards bolder tactics than just behaving unusually nice when talking to me. He started to ignore me frequently, waiting until I displayed serious distress before talking to me again; at the time, as I was still totally infatuated with him, and saw him as completely unabusive, this led me to feel a great deal of guilt over what I now realise to be his doing; his misdeeds. Of course, the best form of victim pathologisation is when you can get them to do it to themselves, so I have a hard time thinking that this behaviour on his part was accidental.
It was also around this point that he started with the manipulation technique known as gaslighting: doing one thing, and then denying that it was done when asked about it, as a deliberate tactic to make the victim doubt themselves, and their sanity. In retrospect, it seems like he liked this one a lot: on many occasions, I'd ask him about something he said, only to "find out" that he "never said it"; at first, I believed him every time, but this became progressively less effective as I started to look back at my chatlogs, a behaviour first born from infatuation, and then perpetuated by the curious combination of suspicion and nostalgia.
The first time that the effects of the abuse truly reared their head was about a year ago, during an incident which involved me sending a vaguely angry e-mail to him, and him responding by blocking me from MSN. Still totally caught up over him, I was frightened of losing him; I didn't know what to do, and who to blame, so I blamed myself, subsequently writing a long, vague apology in hopes of getting him to talk to me again. It worked; at the time, I thought that such was a very good thing, but as I now know all too well, I should've left it there, and pulled myself away from him before he could do any more damage to me. I didn't do what was good for me, though, and ended up getting scarred.
After this, the more overtly abusive phase of our "friendship" started. At this point, between my own moderately creepy Stockholm syndrome obsession with him, and likely attempts at smearing my reputation on his part, I was quite isolated, with only a few friends that I could talk to about my problems with him. In this climate of mixed fear and attachment, and with a nostalgic desperation to regain the friend that I'd lost (and didn't exist, as I was eventually to realise), I ended up donating $50 to him in hopes of making him like me more; at the time, he seemed to welcome it eagerly, but it did little to improve his perception of me. At this point, I was a victim of his, and thus "dramatic"; to him, as for him, I am quite certain that he was (and still is) incapable of seeing that he was doing wrong, despite the fact that it would be obvious to any normal person that something was wrong with the relationship.
The latent cycle of abuse, with me pushing away only to be dragged back towards him by his psychopathic charms and my traumatic bond, like that of a kidnapper and a hostage, continued until May of this year. I had managed to "permanently" cut him off several times, only to find myself re-adding him on MSN, or talking to him on IRC, and the haze of passionate teenage love had started to lift, showing me the situation I was in: I was feeling hurt whenever I talked to him, and he wasn't worth my time. This cerebral lucidity, though, couldn't beat my hormonal attachment, though. I still wanted him, still thought that he could be who he once pretended to be, still thought that he was worth the effort.
The reason I say this ended in May, though, was a certain incident between the two of us in which he showed himself at his worst to me. In response to a slightly offensive comment on my part, he absolutely flipped shit at me, causing one of the two instances on which I've almost killed myself over him: I still wanted him, in a way, and that expression of hatred on his part crushed me. He knew how I felt, how my emotions were holding me hostage, and yet, he callously exploded in my face, pretty much, devastating me. But it was mainly because I realised that he was simply not trustworthy.
Of course, losing trust in someone is a painful thing, but I had trusted him so deeply that my disillusionment proved to be scarring. If I couldn't trust him, I thought, who could I trust? To this day, I am still suspicious of everyone, and I suspect that such will always be the case now, all because of him. This event weighed heavily upon me in the month afterwards, in which I completely avoided him; once I started talking to him again, all I wanted was to peacefully resolve the issue and end this, but he pulled out the gaslighting again, and oh boy, did he do a lot of that. Despite the fact that any outside observer would be able to tell that we really weren't friends any more, he managed to convince me of such; though he didn't exploit that nearly as much as he used to, there was still that door, one that I wanted to close. And the closing of it would be one of the most painful moments in my life.
Mere weeks ago, I finally wisened up, and realised that what was needed was the same thing that all of my friends had been telling me to do all along: severing all connection with him outright. I knew that this was completely necessary, and wanted to do a good job of it, so I went somewhat overboard: not only did I leave the IRC channel that we were both ops in, I de-opped and kickbanned myself from there, leaving only a YouTube link and a "thank you, everyone" message behind me. Unsurprisingly, he started spewing out rambling about his hatred of me in-channel, which inspired me to respond with the most spectacularly vulgar, offensive "good riddance" letter I've ever written to anyone (mind you, it was the first and, so far, only). Thinking that I'd blocked him everywhere, I decided that it'd be best to continue on with life as if nothing had happened, and perhaps celebrate a bit, but that was not to be. He had other plans.
As I had not successfully put him on my /ignore list, he could still talk to me on IRC, and that is where he sent me the message that almost killed me: condensed in several lines was every manipulation trick he knew of; a precision strike on all of my weaknesses. At first, I shrugged it off, but its message quickly set in. It took me from elation to shame to grief to suicidality, and brought me scarily close to hanging myself. But I survived. As I had managed to continue with normalcy save for my severe emotional distress, he started to stalk me on IRC, joining channels that I was in, and likely trying to send me hurtful, manipulative messages, unaware that I had properly set him to /ignore by then. This led to me fearing that he was actively stalking me, driving my paranoid imagination in to a tailspin of terror.
And then he stopped.
Regardless, I think it will still take me a long time to heal. I don't think that one can be hurt that much without being damaged deep inside, and I just hope that the emotional wounds will scar as cleanly and subtly as possible, so that I can move on with life, and leave the painful memories behind.
Thanks for reading this. If you have any advice, please tell me.
Sadly, that's utterly wrong.
I, myself, am a victim of a person that could be described as any number of not-so-good things, be it "manipulative", "psychopathic", or "evil". Either way, he is the person that broke my evidently delusional perception of all people being good on the inside.
Now, this is a long story, but I'm going to tell it; of course, to tell it well, some background will be needed first. This started in early 2010, back when I'd just turned fifteen. So, I'd met this person on IRC. He seemed like a pretty cool guy initially; he was (and somehow still is) an operator in several channels, and came across as likable and mature; sometimes, he'd have lapses of anger, but for the most part, he was a decent person. We'd gotten to know each other out of an odd combination of circumstances, including him wanting people to donate money to him (as he was supposedly unable to pay rent at the time), and me wanting to draw for someone. Of course, this led to me giving him $10 for his rent, and spending about ten hours on drawing a picture for him. At the time, this was normal behaviour for me, as I was desperate to keep any friends I made due to my underconfidence at such.
During this early phase, in which he was only sort of a friend, he rarely showed his bad side; save for the occasional moment of bitchiness, he was quite nice to talk to. However, due to drama in my family (centred around me) leading to me being locked out of the house's Wi-Fi, I didn't talk to him for a while. The lack of contact continued to roughly May; by then, I'd had two instances of developing confusing feelings towards people, ones that I would later discover to be that wonderfully strange thing called love.
That moment of discovery, where I was to find out what love was, and how much it could jerk around with someone, was to come with the person that I now regard as my abuser. It was pretty much as soon as the two of us started to talk again that I became closer to him. At the time, there were few people that I talked to regularly, and he was one of two or three that I actually trusted. How he'd won my trust, I don't know; I suspect it had much to do with him playing on my weaknesses, which I was willing to reveal to almost anyone at the time. Anyways, what was once friendship had become a now stronger bond: at this time, he was being the kind of friend that almost anyone would want, and that many would trust if they merely expected everyone to be who they present themselves as. Now that is where it gets problematic: the image he projects in public is often one of broad, generalising misanthropy, and excessive anger; meanwhile, I was more inclined towards believing what I could only confirm as my perception, which was that he was a great person.
The point at which things started to get hairy, though, was that point in time where I discovered that what I felt for him was love. I was confused that I'd feel such towards someone so much older than me (he was almost twenty-one back at the time), but undaunted; I was willing to adjust my sleep schedule to be online at the same times as him, seeing as he generally got on about three hours after I used to. It all felt amazing at the time, and I wanted him desperately, but that was not to be; it shouldn't've been, even if both of us wanted it, and, as I was to find out, he wanted something else.
The mindfuck, though it'd been going on since I met him, ramped up in to full gear after I revealed how I felt towards him: as he had already seen a trend of me willing to do a lot for him with little reason on his part, including drawing four pictures (taking >40 hours in total) for him, and cutting off people who wanted to talk to me due to him having grudges against them, he most likely saw that I was an easy mark, at which point he moved towards bolder tactics than just behaving unusually nice when talking to me. He started to ignore me frequently, waiting until I displayed serious distress before talking to me again; at the time, as I was still totally infatuated with him, and saw him as completely unabusive, this led me to feel a great deal of guilt over what I now realise to be his doing; his misdeeds. Of course, the best form of victim pathologisation is when you can get them to do it to themselves, so I have a hard time thinking that this behaviour on his part was accidental.
It was also around this point that he started with the manipulation technique known as gaslighting: doing one thing, and then denying that it was done when asked about it, as a deliberate tactic to make the victim doubt themselves, and their sanity. In retrospect, it seems like he liked this one a lot: on many occasions, I'd ask him about something he said, only to "find out" that he "never said it"; at first, I believed him every time, but this became progressively less effective as I started to look back at my chatlogs, a behaviour first born from infatuation, and then perpetuated by the curious combination of suspicion and nostalgia.
The first time that the effects of the abuse truly reared their head was about a year ago, during an incident which involved me sending a vaguely angry e-mail to him, and him responding by blocking me from MSN. Still totally caught up over him, I was frightened of losing him; I didn't know what to do, and who to blame, so I blamed myself, subsequently writing a long, vague apology in hopes of getting him to talk to me again. It worked; at the time, I thought that such was a very good thing, but as I now know all too well, I should've left it there, and pulled myself away from him before he could do any more damage to me. I didn't do what was good for me, though, and ended up getting scarred.
After this, the more overtly abusive phase of our "friendship" started. At this point, between my own moderately creepy Stockholm syndrome obsession with him, and likely attempts at smearing my reputation on his part, I was quite isolated, with only a few friends that I could talk to about my problems with him. In this climate of mixed fear and attachment, and with a nostalgic desperation to regain the friend that I'd lost (and didn't exist, as I was eventually to realise), I ended up donating $50 to him in hopes of making him like me more; at the time, he seemed to welcome it eagerly, but it did little to improve his perception of me. At this point, I was a victim of his, and thus "dramatic"; to him, as for him, I am quite certain that he was (and still is) incapable of seeing that he was doing wrong, despite the fact that it would be obvious to any normal person that something was wrong with the relationship.
The latent cycle of abuse, with me pushing away only to be dragged back towards him by his psychopathic charms and my traumatic bond, like that of a kidnapper and a hostage, continued until May of this year. I had managed to "permanently" cut him off several times, only to find myself re-adding him on MSN, or talking to him on IRC, and the haze of passionate teenage love had started to lift, showing me the situation I was in: I was feeling hurt whenever I talked to him, and he wasn't worth my time. This cerebral lucidity, though, couldn't beat my hormonal attachment, though. I still wanted him, still thought that he could be who he once pretended to be, still thought that he was worth the effort.
The reason I say this ended in May, though, was a certain incident between the two of us in which he showed himself at his worst to me. In response to a slightly offensive comment on my part, he absolutely flipped shit at me, causing one of the two instances on which I've almost killed myself over him: I still wanted him, in a way, and that expression of hatred on his part crushed me. He knew how I felt, how my emotions were holding me hostage, and yet, he callously exploded in my face, pretty much, devastating me. But it was mainly because I realised that he was simply not trustworthy.
Of course, losing trust in someone is a painful thing, but I had trusted him so deeply that my disillusionment proved to be scarring. If I couldn't trust him, I thought, who could I trust? To this day, I am still suspicious of everyone, and I suspect that such will always be the case now, all because of him. This event weighed heavily upon me in the month afterwards, in which I completely avoided him; once I started talking to him again, all I wanted was to peacefully resolve the issue and end this, but he pulled out the gaslighting again, and oh boy, did he do a lot of that. Despite the fact that any outside observer would be able to tell that we really weren't friends any more, he managed to convince me of such; though he didn't exploit that nearly as much as he used to, there was still that door, one that I wanted to close. And the closing of it would be one of the most painful moments in my life.
Mere weeks ago, I finally wisened up, and realised that what was needed was the same thing that all of my friends had been telling me to do all along: severing all connection with him outright. I knew that this was completely necessary, and wanted to do a good job of it, so I went somewhat overboard: not only did I leave the IRC channel that we were both ops in, I de-opped and kickbanned myself from there, leaving only a YouTube link and a "thank you, everyone" message behind me. Unsurprisingly, he started spewing out rambling about his hatred of me in-channel, which inspired me to respond with the most spectacularly vulgar, offensive "good riddance" letter I've ever written to anyone (mind you, it was the first and, so far, only). Thinking that I'd blocked him everywhere, I decided that it'd be best to continue on with life as if nothing had happened, and perhaps celebrate a bit, but that was not to be. He had other plans.
As I had not successfully put him on my /ignore list, he could still talk to me on IRC, and that is where he sent me the message that almost killed me: condensed in several lines was every manipulation trick he knew of; a precision strike on all of my weaknesses. At first, I shrugged it off, but its message quickly set in. It took me from elation to shame to grief to suicidality, and brought me scarily close to hanging myself. But I survived. As I had managed to continue with normalcy save for my severe emotional distress, he started to stalk me on IRC, joining channels that I was in, and likely trying to send me hurtful, manipulative messages, unaware that I had properly set him to /ignore by then. This led to me fearing that he was actively stalking me, driving my paranoid imagination in to a tailspin of terror.
And then he stopped.
Regardless, I think it will still take me a long time to heal. I don't think that one can be hurt that much without being damaged deep inside, and I just hope that the emotional wounds will scar as cleanly and subtly as possible, so that I can move on with life, and leave the painful memories behind.
Thanks for reading this. If you have any advice, please tell me.
sluggy joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 16 minutes later[^] [v] #223,419
dude, don't let anyone have such power over you. If you cant rape them, dont get involved with them I say.
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 6 minutes later, 22 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #223,421
sluggy replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 26 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #223,422
@previous (Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc)
You are gonna love many people in your life. You will be hurt at times and you will hurt people at times.
Nothing is permanent. Everything dies. Time spent in agony and sorrow is a waste. Limit it.
Take that pain and learn from it. Don't fall into the same patterns. Leave that fucking irc if you need to.
You must live the life, cause if you ain't with it shorty, than you part of the hype.
You are gonna love many people in your life. You will be hurt at times and you will hurt people at times.
Nothing is permanent. Everything dies. Time spent in agony and sorrow is a waste. Limit it.
Take that pain and learn from it. Don't fall into the same patterns. Leave that fucking irc if you need to.
You must live the life, cause if you ain't with it shorty, than you part of the hype.
Anonymous C joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 28 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #223,423
@OP
I lol'd.
I lol'd.
Triptych !LightPenis joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 30 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #223,425
The mindset you've got is a good way to start off.
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 5 minutes later, 35 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #223,433
@223,422 (sluggy)
He's no longer stalking me, thank god... if he comes after me more though, I'll leave the network and press criminal harassment charges, seeing as the RCMP is often very willing to investigate such things.
@223,423 (C)
Why?
@previous (Triptych !LightPenis)
And where to go from here?
He's no longer stalking me, thank god... if he comes after me more though, I'll leave the network and press criminal harassment charges, seeing as the RCMP is often very willing to investigate such things.
@223,423 (C)
Why?
@previous (Triptych !LightPenis)
And where to go from here?
Triptych !LightPenis replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 38 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #223,438
@previous (Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc)
Hmm.
Just accepting it as a fact and ceasing to give much import or thought to it has worked for a lot of people I've talked to. That appears to be a lengthy process, though.
Hmm.
Just accepting it as a fact and ceasing to give much import or thought to it has worked for a lot of people I've talked to. That appears to be a lengthy process, though.
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 5 minutes later, 43 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #223,440
Triptych !LightPenis replied with this 15 years ago, 54 seconds later, 44 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #223,442
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 48 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #223,444
PS: what the abuser has cost me:
$60, 40 hours worth of art, countless nights of anguish, multiple occasions on which I'd cried myself to sleep, several instances of me almost committing suicide, and likely thousands of dollars worth of psychologist's bills for my parents.
$60, 40 hours worth of art, countless nights of anguish, multiple occasions on which I'd cried myself to sleep, several instances of me almost committing suicide, and likely thousands of dollars worth of psychologist's bills for my parents.
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) double-posted this 15 years ago, 20 seconds later, 48 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #223,445
sluggy replied with this 15 years ago, 8 minutes later, 56 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #223,450
@223,444 (Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc)
Ok. Reality check, you caused that shit. You let it happen to you. You need to be a willing participate. Choose not to participate in that shit. Christ, man. What the fuck were you letting him fuck with you for?
Get a hobby and off the Internet for a while.
Ok. Reality check, you caused that shit. You let it happen to you. You need to be a willing participate. Choose not to participate in that shit. Christ, man. What the fuck were you letting him fuck with you for?
Get a hobby and off the Internet for a while.
Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 2 hours later, 3 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,467
>And thus ends the Broski saga, for once and for all.
How many times, man? You just keep dragging it back out of the attic.
How many times, man? You just keep dragging it back out of the attic.
Anonymous H joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 2 hours later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,483
wtf did i just read? is op a man? is op srsly claiming that he was going to commit suicide several times over someone he met online?
so confused.
so confused.
The Editor !FuckWtfW8M replied with this 15 years ago, 56 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,498
Well. Welllly welly well. Now that I've taken the time to read through it...
@223,444 (Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc)
This is part of your problem, Joey m'boy~
You have to forgive him before you can forget, but instead, you just dwell on it all. Sure, he done went and did some fucked up shit all fuckin' with your head like that, but that's all in the past and so should he be. All that's left to do is make your peace and carry on. NOW YOU MARCH RIGHT ON DOWN TO THAT IRC SERVER, BUST DOWN THAT CHANNEL DOOR, AND SAY "BROSKI, WE GOTS SOME SHEET TO TALK ABOUT, MANG". Or just forgive him in silence, in your own head, where he doesn't have the opportunity to be a cunt in response. Not as effective, but hey. Whatever gives you your closure.
@223,444 (Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc)
This is part of your problem, Joey m'boy~
You have to forgive him before you can forget, but instead, you just dwell on it all. Sure, he done went and did some fucked up shit all fuckin' with your head like that, but that's all in the past and so should he be. All that's left to do is make your peace and carry on. NOW YOU MARCH RIGHT ON DOWN TO THAT IRC SERVER, BUST DOWN THAT CHANNEL DOOR, AND SAY "BROSKI, WE GOTS SOME SHEET TO TALK ABOUT, MANG". Or just forgive him in silence, in your own head, where he doesn't have the opportunity to be a cunt in response. Not as effective, but hey. Whatever gives you your closure.
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 6 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,499
@223,450 (sluggy)
I caused it? Oh cool. Blaming me for his mental games. 10/10, bud.
@223,467 (F)
It was only a few days after I posted that, that I realised how abusive the relationship was. That I wasn't to blame for all of what happened.
@223,483 (H)
Yes.
@previous (The Editor !FuckWtfW8M)
Even though every occasion that I've forgiven him has only made me feel more vengeful? How do I stop that? It's no good if I forgive him, but still want to slice his fucking head off.
I caused it? Oh cool. Blaming me for his mental games. 10/10, bud.
@223,467 (F)
It was only a few days after I posted that, that I realised how abusive the relationship was. That I wasn't to blame for all of what happened.
@223,483 (H)
Yes.
@previous (The Editor !FuckWtfW8M)
Even though every occasion that I've forgiven him has only made me feel more vengeful? How do I stop that? It's no good if I forgive him, but still want to slice his fucking head off.
(Edited 2 minutes later.)
The Editor !FuckWtfW8M replied with this 15 years ago, 8 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,500
@previous (Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc)
The point of forgiveness is so you can let go, not to feel worse. That's gonna be a big fuckin' obstacle there, see? Whenever that old rage comes seeping through, why not just go for a walk, or get some tranquil tunes up in that bitch? Something that'll keep your mood level. Do you know of anything that usually helps out in that area?
The point of forgiveness is so you can let go, not to feel worse. That's gonna be a big fuckin' obstacle there, see? Whenever that old rage comes seeping through, why not just go for a walk, or get some tranquil tunes up in that bitch? Something that'll keep your mood level. Do you know of anything that usually helps out in that area?
(Edited 1 minute later.)
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 28 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,505
@previous (The Editor !FuckWtfW8M)
I don't know how I can let go. Perhaps the knowledge that this was all a charade on his part, the knowledge that the person I loved never existed, might help me. I don't know, though.
I don't know how I can let go. Perhaps the knowledge that this was all a charade on his part, the knowledge that the person I loved never existed, might help me. I don't know, though.
i know cuz of my learnings joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 40 minutes later, 8 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,520
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 6 hours later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,640
Handel !khEOdtKF56 joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,642
Can I get a TL;DR?
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,646
swamplights !!V3J448+/B joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 5 seconds later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,647
Handel !khEOdtKF56 replied with this 15 years ago, 54 seconds later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,648
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,652
@223,647 (swamplights !!V3J448+/B)
Sometimes, but I get closer online. I think the lack of inhibitions (can't talk about sexual deviance in meatspace) is part of why.
@previous (Handel !khEOdtKF56)
Never encountered that copypasta? You're a deprived child ;_;.
Sometimes, but I get closer online. I think the lack of inhibitions (can't talk about sexual deviance in meatspace) is part of why.
@previous (Handel !khEOdtKF56)
Never encountered that copypasta? You're a deprived child ;_;.
Handel !khEOdtKF56 replied with this 15 years ago, 10 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,661
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,664
swamplights !!V3J448+/B replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,670
@223,652 (Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc)
You seem very rapped up in your various fetishes. Do you have other interests?
You seem very rapped up in your various fetishes. Do you have other interests?
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,672
@previous (swamplights !!V3J448+/B)
Pffft, that's just because I talk about my fetishes a disproportionate amount on here.
Pffft, that's just because I talk about my fetishes a disproportionate amount on here.
dreamworks !AUIkTW/L46 joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,674
tldr
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,675
swamplights !!V3J448+/B replied with this 15 years ago, 7 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,677
@223,672 (Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc)
But you also said that you have trouble getting close to people irl because of your fetishes.
But you also said that you have trouble getting close to people irl because of your fetishes.
Anonymous L joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,679
Someone give me a tl'dr
swamplights !!V3J448+/B replied with this 15 years ago, 6 minutes later, 15 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,683
@previous (L)
The kittydragon fell in love with with a man who he met on the internet. He did a lot of things for this guy and was verbally and mentally hurt in the process. Eventually his former heartthrob abused him in "public" (irc, youtube, etc.) and has been cyber stalking him. Athina (OP) is now trying to move on and improve his life. Any advice?
The kittydragon fell in love with with a man who he met on the internet. He did a lot of things for this guy and was verbally and mentally hurt in the process. Eventually his former heartthrob abused him in "public" (irc, youtube, etc.) and has been cyber stalking him. Athina (OP) is now trying to move on and improve his life. Any advice?
Anonymous L replied with this 15 years ago, 18 minutes later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,698
@previous (swamplights !!V3J448+/B)
He should report his former homosexual lover to the police and also get a restraining order against him.
He should report his former homosexual lover to the police and also get a restraining order against him.
Anonymous M joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,699
We need names
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 16 minutes later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,706
@223,677 (swamplights !!V3J448+/B)
No! Just that I can get closer to people online because I can tell them a lot more about myself. Not just fetish stuff, but shit like this too.
No! Just that I can get closer to people online because I can tell them a lot more about myself. Not just fetish stuff, but shit like this too.
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) double-posted this 15 years ago, 55 seconds later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,708
swamplights !!V3J448+/B replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,709
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 6 minutes later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,710
@previous (swamplights !!V3J448+/B)
He's totally blocked everywhere. The only place he could hope to contact me now is FB or by phone, and seeing as it'd take serious stalking to find either of those out, I think it'd be sufficient grounds for a peace bond (the Canadian equivalent of a restraining order).
He's totally blocked everywhere. The only place he could hope to contact me now is FB or by phone, and seeing as it'd take serious stalking to find either of those out, I think it'd be sufficient grounds for a peace bond (the Canadian equivalent of a restraining order).
Anonymous N joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 15 minutes later, 16 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,713
@223,708 (Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc)
How are we supposed to do anything without the guys names. Whats he go by?
How are we supposed to do anything without the guys names. Whats he go by?
swamplights !!V3J448+/B replied with this 15 years ago, 8 minutes later, 17 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,718
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 hour later, 18 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,736
bookshelf !hbZVTk6JYc replied with this 15 years ago, 11 minutes later, 19 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,743
Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 hour later, 20 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,774
bookshelf !hbZVTk6JYc replied with this 15 years ago, 15 minutes later, 21 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,777
Homestar !RUNNERV7vk joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 59 minutes later, 21 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,798
Woah, @OP
You have some serious issues. You asked for advice, so here goes.
1) Grow a pair
2) Get some confidence
3) First relationships are often emotional. Eventually you learn, and become a bit more desensitised. Be careful not to become bitter, though. (with everyone)
4) Take responsibility for the way you feel. No one can make you feel anything unless YOU let them.
5) When writing an angry "fuck off email" don't blab on about how much he hurt you and how much of a weakling you are. You either want him to feel sorry for you, or you want him to fuck off. Choose one.
6) Move on.
There's so much more that could be said...
You have some serious issues. You asked for advice, so here goes.
1) Grow a pair
2) Get some confidence
3) First relationships are often emotional. Eventually you learn, and become a bit more desensitised. Be careful not to become bitter, though. (with everyone)
4) Take responsibility for the way you feel. No one can make you feel anything unless YOU let them.
5) When writing an angry "fuck off email" don't blab on about how much he hurt you and how much of a weakling you are. You either want him to feel sorry for you, or you want him to fuck off. Choose one.
6) Move on.
There's so much more that could be said...
DXM replied with this 15 years ago, 56 minutes later, 22 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,813
Anonymous P joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 54 minutes later, 23 hours after the original post[^] [v] #223,825
lol op is a massive faggot LOL
sluggy replied with this 15 years ago, 5 hours later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #223,856
@223,652 (Kakubunretsu !!7Enb4sycc)
Did you really refer to the real world as "meatspace" ??
@223,813 (DXM)
I think it's more venting.
Did you really refer to the real world as "meatspace" ??
@223,813 (DXM)
I think it's more venting.