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Topic: A Brief History of the Chan Empire

Anonymous A started this discussion 11 months ago #124,095

The genesis of The Chan Empire may be traced back to June 2009, when a bunch of whining pedophiles got banned from Anontalk for posting CP links in open disregard of the board's upload policies. Understandably butthurt by this epic assfucking, they scuttled off to create their own BBS, engaging in the never-ending circlejerk known as Tinychan. Using TC as their base of operations, they plotted the downfall of AT and posted puerile, childish hate threads against its creator. Many of them sleazed back via proxies to flood the board with the most disgusting child pr0ns conceivable, claiming they were engaged in "deep stealth trolling." The most frequent result of these pathetic newfag /i/nvasions was that TC was shut down by its service provider around once every month. The board's underaged, cross-dressing sysop (Jan Martin), was discovered trading nude pics with other prepubescent faggots, leading to a complete rectal examination and three weeks' grounding by his parents.

His internet privileges revoked by local authorities, Jan eventually sold TC to Christopher "Mootles" Poole in return for some hot anal trannysex, and Tiny4chan was born. The board was immediately overrun by /B/tards, who promptly bent the regulars over a table and raped their namefagging assholes into total submission. Various coups were attempted by Gizmo, Nickalollyoff and numerous other cocksuckers, leading to further divisions within the community. For some inexplicable reason, a large contingent started to rally behind Depressionman (better known as The Fatfuck), until Jan and his ghey fuckbuddies decided to institute their "Ban On Sight" policy. Massive mod abuse ensued, at which point the userbase decided that enough was enough and told TC's admin to go fuck themselves.

Two new boards were founded in wake of the Great Peon Rebellion; Minichan by Simmo (an escapee from Nick's reign of faggotry); and DMBBS by UltimateCake & sK (a pair of basement dwelling homosexuals with delusions of grandeur). Minichan became the new homebase for refugees fleeing TC's mod abuse, while DMBBS was a honeypot used to scam Tiny4chan users out of their tripcodes.

A sysop password was eventually phished, and UltCake wreaked havok on T4C's shitty database, locking out its moderators and deleting everything he could get his cum-smeared hands on. Moot never bothered reviving the site (mainly due to it already being dead in the water), so TC's buttfucked mods went crawling off to MC, begging Roar's indulgence (Nickalollyoff is believed to have suffered a minor stroke after choking on Gizmo's pecker-snot).

Around the same time, Fatfuck conned some gullible autist into creating a BBS for his fictitious ghosthunting website, GHOUL. Ironically, the resulting miscarriage became the focal point for anti-fatfuck propaganda, as hordes of gibbering retards came streaming in from MC to vent their assrage over the fall of T4C. For some inexplicable reason, Nick and his cockmonglers blamed Depressionman for the destruction of the Web's Shittiest Chan, and began spreading lies & rumours bald-faced truths regarding Fatfuck's sexual abnormalities. So things stood for some months, with several factions attempting to fuck each other in the ass from week to week.

Everything changed when the supreme faggot Link Tamake resurrected TC 4.0 (apparently by pulling it out of his ass). Ltamake, a deformed circus freak with a lazy eye & subhuman intelligence, instantly attempted to take GHOUL down by ordering his pedophag userbase to flood the site with CP. This brilliant plan evidently backfired when one of Link's modfags unleashed a tsunami of child pr0ns over Tinychan's frontpage. This is still considered one of the most epic pwnts in the history of the chanosphere, a royal fistfucking from which Strokeface never fully recovered.

Meantime, civil war had broken out on GHOUL, where Fatfuck and Larkin had started arguing over whose feces each were entitled to eat. As so often happens in the Austistic Ward ever-changing online world, this minor disagreement escalated to a full-blown shitfest, with Larkin and his supporters leaving to establish @tchan in direct imitation of GHOUL's ongoing faggotry. Once Fatfuck moved to a state-run homeless facility in Beijing, GHOUL became a virtual ghost-town (no pun intended), and @tchan became the web's premier BBS, initially attracting more traffic than TC and MC combined. This came as a particularly crushing blow for Strokeface Link Tamake, who had since been assfucked by every troll on the intertubes. After his dox were released into the public record, Link sold the site to some insignificant faggot and slunk off into oblivion with his tail between his legs.

Needless to say, nothing of value was lost, TC is still overrun with homophag pedophiles, and SC reigns supreme in the Chan Empire. Illegitimi non carborundum.

(Edited 8 minutes later.)

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Anonymous B joined in and replied with this 11 months ago, 1 minute later[^] [v] #1,350,516

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@1,350,529 (B)
Spending 24 hours patrolling an obscure internet bulletin board is cooler than Miles Davis.

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