Topic: THUMP!THUMP!THUMP! Footsteps coming down the hallway...
Anonymous A started this discussion 2 years ago#114,116
ARRRGHHH! I work nightshift...so I head for bed about 2p.m. on Sunday..right? I sleep from 2p.m. until the alarm goes off at 9p.m. to begin my shift. Sooo...I'm sleeping quite soundly until roughy 6p.m. and then I hear it. THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! Footsteps coming down the hallway..headed right for my bedroom! Now, mind ye...I sleep puddy sound. But any sound I'm not used to wakes me right up! The furnace makes a funny sound? I'm awake! I hear water running? I'm awake! The answering machine kicks on....I'm awake! Anyways....I kin hear footsteps running down the hallway. My first thought is..."Somebody is in here that doesn't belong here!" "Did I lock the front door?" Now, if the neighbors are mowing their yard or butchering hogs...I sleep right thru it. That's just normal noise. This was not normal! I am...ON HIGH ALERT! We've never had a problem with burglars or other mis-creatins in this area..but it pays to be alert...and well armed. My first response is to reach for my sidearms and make sure the flashlight is working....reach under the bed and snatch up that ole double-barreled shotgun and meet the foe head on!
So..there I was. Rudley awakened by an intruder..no idea of their intentions nor fire-power. Generally speaking I find the best defense in any situation is a forceful offense. Never show fear..even if yer filling yer Depends with an enourmous load of..offense. I launched from the bed..sweating profusley..and with epitaths that the spell-checker won't allow. Mind ye...I'm packing serious heat..a pistol in both hands...my thong underwear tied about my forehead "Rambo-style" with a 100000000 candlepower power flashlight clenched in my teeth that would blind most mere mortal men!! Nekkid I might add. Not a puddy sight. 250lb. old geezer.....53 yrs. old. Screaming at the top of his lungs. Well..ya'll git the visuals of all this. Anyways...it was a potatoe. HUH? A potatoe. Yeah....that furfless female feral feline that I've been harboring ripped open a bag of taters and found the biggest one she could find. Then proceded to whack it down the hallway...THUMP!THUMP!THUMP! ..right to my bedroom door.
Well folks nuthin' much says it like blazing a million candlepower flashlight in a pair of beady eyeballs...crouched over a potatoe. I was relieved. Jaysus..was I relieved..had to take a shower and toss out my drawers after this encounter!! I may not have/need another bowel movement for the next 30 days! Chubbie is fine. A bit disconcerted..but fine. Now, do I still think being well-armed and prepared is smart? Yes..I think it should be a requirement of citizenship in the U.S.A. As a matter of fact it IS a requirement of citizenship.