Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz II Men?
Because he thought it was a delivery service.
Vodoo Dick
A woman complains to her friend that she hasn't been laid in years and she feels so lonely. Her friend suggests that she visit the Haitian store and she will get help. The woman is curious so she goes to the store and bashfully explains her situation to the store owner. He pulls out a wooden phallus and says, "This is a Voodoo Dick. All you have to do is say 'Voodoo Dick' and where you want it to go, and it will fly there and make passionate love to it. When you want it to stop just say 'Voodoo Dick stop' and it will stop."
The woman is sceptical, so the man says, "Voodoo Dick, the wall," and the thing flies to the wall and starts ramming it. The man says, "Voodoo Dick, stop," and it drops to the ground. The woman is impressed so she pays him and rushes home.
At home, she throws rose petals on the bed, puts on some Boyz II Men, lies on the bed and eagerly shouts, "Voodoo Dick, my pussy!" The thing flies to her and starts giving it to her. It's good. It's the best. In fact, she has never experienced anything so passionate and savage at the same time.
An hour goes by and she's having the time of her life. Two hours and she starts tiring out. By three hours she has had enough, but she has forgotten how to make the possessed wiener stop. The woman tries, "Voodoo Dick, cut it out. Voodoo Dick, quit it. Voodoo Dick, enough," but nothing works.
She starts to panic. Since it's night time and the Haitian store is closed, the woman decides that maybe the hospital can help her. She struggles down the stairs and into her car, all the while the demonic pecker is pounding away at her. The entire way to the hospital she drives recklessly: skipping red lights, hopping onto sidewalks, and swerving into oncoming traffic.
A traffic cop sees this, pursues her, and pulls her car over. He walks up to the driver's window and asks the woman why she was driving like a maniac. Very embarrassed, she explains how she purchased a Voodoo Dick from a Haitian store and tried it out at home, but forgot how to make it stop.
In disbelief, the cop bursts out laughing and says, "Vodoo Dick, my ass!"