Topic: My coworker asked me to lie to her husband
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w started this discussion 15 years ago #1,086
Got an email from a coworker at 1:00am last night (through our work accounts no less; dumbass).
Her husband is trying to find out what she's been doing over her lunch hour. She has kindly offered that he can check with me to verify that we have been going out to lunch. She's provided me with the supposed dates and restaurants we went to, and let me know that he may call and ask. Huge favor - can I cover for her?
Her husband works at the same company, but in a different site & department. She has helped me out hugely many times, but never anything unethical. Although I do not report to her, she is in a position that can impact promotion and salary.
I already know I'm not going to cover for her, if he does call. I am just unsure how to handle it with her.
Her husband is trying to find out what she's been doing over her lunch hour. She has kindly offered that he can check with me to verify that we have been going out to lunch. She's provided me with the supposed dates and restaurants we went to, and let me know that he may call and ask. Huge favor - can I cover for her?
Her husband works at the same company, but in a different site & department. She has helped me out hugely many times, but never anything unethical. Although I do not report to her, she is in a position that can impact promotion and salary.
I already know I'm not going to cover for her, if he does call. I am just unsure how to handle it with her.
Tekamine !AnRbswGQv. joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later[^] [v] #20,687
Tell them both to fuck off, honestly Becky. It takes the piss that people think they can do this.
If they start getting arsey with you, then tell management and report them for harassment.
IMO, you're best staying well away from this as it'll a) stress you out b) more hassle than what it's worth.
If they start getting arsey with you, then tell management and report them for harassment.
IMO, you're best staying well away from this as it'll a) stress you out b) more hassle than what it's worth.
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 4 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,691
@previous (Tekamine !AnRbswGQv.)
Yeah... I'm really offended that she thinks so little of me. Or is just so desperate that she hammered me into this position.
I will probably just tell her I am not comfortable with it. And if he does ask, tell him that he really needs to discuss it with her.
Yeah... I'm really offended that she thinks so little of me. Or is just so desperate that she hammered me into this position.
I will probably just tell her I am not comfortable with it. And if he does ask, tell him that he really needs to discuss it with her.
Tekamine !AnRbswGQv. replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 6 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,694
@previous (cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w)
It's harassment. You shouldn't be made to feel like that in your work place. Give them both a stern warning and inform HR.
It's harassment. You shouldn't be made to feel like that in your work place. Give them both a stern warning and inform HR.
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 7 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,695
Tekamine !AnRbswGQv. replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 9 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,696
@previous (cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w)
Yeah but they shouldn't be doing this to you. Just threaten them with HR if they don't fuck off.
Yeah but they shouldn't be doing this to you. Just threaten them with HR if they don't fuck off.
Deckard Cain !xhERPesk0k joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 8 minutes later, 18 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,698
That's fucked up. Few things make me more angry than when someone puts me in an awkward position like that and just ASSUMES "Oh he will not mind don't worry about it."
On a related note, what IS she doing on her lunch break, do you know?
On a related note, what IS she doing on her lunch break, do you know?
Unintentional Jackass !LASXURl1b6 joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 7 minutes later, 26 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,699
It's situations like this which give in-office relationships bad names.
I'd report to HR. If you don't cover for her, she'll throw it all on you (bud), and she'll say to her husband that you're obviously trying to stir shit between them, then you'll get called up to someone and get in shit.
He'll believe her because he's probably a lovesick bloke, and you'll be the only bad guy.
You could forward the email to him, but that'd just get the same situation, probably more justified.
If you report to HR now then let the shitstorm play out a bit, then HR will step in and be there to cover your ass.
Or she could get in trouble for something, iunno tbh.
I'd report to HR. If you don't cover for her, she'll throw it all on you (bud), and she'll say to her husband that you're obviously trying to stir shit between them, then you'll get called up to someone and get in shit.
He'll believe her because he's probably a lovesick bloke, and you'll be the only bad guy.
You could forward the email to him, but that'd just get the same situation, probably more justified.
If you report to HR now then let the shitstorm play out a bit, then HR will step in and be there to cover your ass.
Or she could get in trouble for something, iunno tbh.
Fuchs !!4KU9PSdLG joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 27 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,700
Nondisclosure seems like your best option. If it were me I'd just avoid dealing with either of them (such as telling her husband you don't keep track of what his wife does). Do you think your coworker would have a big shitfit if you didn't agree to covering for her?
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 30 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,702
@20,698 (Deckard Cain !xhERPesk0k)
I have some guesses -- she has been acting shady with another (male) coworker for awhile now. Which gives this thing even more potential to blow up.
I have some guesses -- she has been acting shady with another (male) coworker for awhile now. Which gives this thing even more potential to blow up.
Deckard Cain !xhERPesk0k replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 33 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,703
Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 7 minutes later, 40 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,712
Have sex with her, tell her shes your bitch, and tell her she's covering for you.
Anonymous G joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 second later, 40 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,713
Unintentional Jackass !LASXURl1b6 replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 42 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,714
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 43 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,716
@20,700 (Fuchs !!4KU9PSdLG)
I think she would understand, if I handled it quietly & with some level of respect (realizing she showed me no respect at all, to put me in this position).
I think you're right. My hope is just to back out of this. I do have a case to go to HR at this point -- I'm just not convinced that would play out well for me. At this point, all I have is a relationship issue, not a business ethics decision. If I found out there really is an affair with the other employee, I'd have little choice at that point.
I'm worried too that I did a knee-jerk response to her email when I read it -- which said "okay." It could be read that I was saying okay to talking to her regarding the request, or okay to lying. I should have thought more prior to replying & immediately regretted it, but it is out there now. :-/
I think she would understand, if I handled it quietly & with some level of respect (realizing she showed me no respect at all, to put me in this position).
I think you're right. My hope is just to back out of this. I do have a case to go to HR at this point -- I'm just not convinced that would play out well for me. At this point, all I have is a relationship issue, not a business ethics decision. If I found out there really is an affair with the other employee, I'd have little choice at that point.
I'm worried too that I did a knee-jerk response to her email when I read it -- which said "okay." It could be read that I was saying okay to talking to her regarding the request, or okay to lying. I should have thought more prior to replying & immediately regretted it, but it is out there now. :-/
Anonymous G replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 44 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,718
Unintentional Jackass !LASXURl1b6 replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 47 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,720
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 48 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,722
Anonymous G replied with this 15 years ago, 42 seconds later, 49 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,723
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 50 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #20,725
henn !NePD4JH0HI joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 11 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,728
@20,716 (cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w)
Send her another email saying you don't want to get involved even if you've already sent an email saying 'okay'. Tell her good luck.
Also, do not go to HR with this. It's far to trivial at this point. If it escalates into something that makes you feel entirely uncomfortable or puts your job in jeopardy, report it.
Send her another email saying you don't want to get involved even if you've already sent an email saying 'okay'. Tell her good luck.
Also, do not go to HR with this. It's far to trivial at this point. If it escalates into something that makes you feel entirely uncomfortable or puts your job in jeopardy, report it.
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 7 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,736
henn !NePD4JH0HI replied with this 15 years ago, 15 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,745
@previous (cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w)
Also, save the emails just in case. I don't think you have anything to worry about though. Just keep your hands clean of any infidelity at work.
Also, save the emails just in case. I don't think you have anything to worry about though. Just keep your hands clean of any infidelity at work.
henn !NePD4JH0HI double-posted this 15 years ago, 32 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,746
Ash Ketchup !iC5Sra0Wb2 joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,749
I'd just fucking do it this time but tell her I won't do it again. There's like literally no trouble ever that way.
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 19 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,750
stal !1D/0jYoCpk joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 14 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,751
henn !NePD4JH0HI replied with this 15 years ago, 14 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,761
henn !NePD4JH0HI double-posted this 15 years ago, 5 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,766
dreamworks !xPoNIEsltA joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,772
I wanted to reply seriously to this thread but I see it has already been shitted up. Great.
dreamworks !xPoNIEsltA double-posted this 15 years ago, 24 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,776
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #20,778
Anonymous M joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 35 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #20,826
@20,746 (henn !NePD4JH0HI)
@20,766 (henn !NePD4JH0HI)
Jesus, I lol'd.
@OP
I really don't think you should be so quick to cover for her, but at the same time, is it going to be supremely awkward between you two/in your workplace from now on? Or were you never very close in the first place? Also, you mentioned that she's helped you out many times before, what sort of things did she help you out with...?
@20,766 (henn !NePD4JH0HI)
Jesus, I lol'd.
@OP
I really don't think you should be so quick to cover for her, but at the same time, is it going to be supremely awkward between you two/in your workplace from now on? Or were you never very close in the first place? Also, you mentioned that she's helped you out many times before, what sort of things did she help you out with...?
totoforhire !!Phkn/3Gic joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 2 hours later, 4 hours after the original post[^] [v] #20,876
How good of a friend is she? How much do you owe her? What evidence does the husband have for the possible affair? Has anyone else in the office seen or heard about her extramarital shenanigans?
Triptych !!DP4/G/5A6 joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 4 hours after the original post[^] [v] #20,880
If you're uncomfortable doing it, then don't. Talk to her about it. She'll likely let it go.
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 16 minutes later, 4 hours after the original post[^] [v] #20,889
@20,826 (M)
It could be awkward. We go out to lunch a few times a month, happy hour after work, etc. I've never, say, babysat her kids or anything, but she's one of the people here I'm pretty close with.
She's helped me out a ton with all sorts of things -- how to handle various situations (some of this involved sharing sensitive info with her), who to develop relationships with, general career advice. We've drifted apart a lot over the last 6 months or so, no real reason besides schedules and moving desks.
I haven't heard from the husband yet. I'm assuming (hoping) I won't.
It could be awkward. We go out to lunch a few times a month, happy hour after work, etc. I've never, say, babysat her kids or anything, but she's one of the people here I'm pretty close with.
She's helped me out a ton with all sorts of things -- how to handle various situations (some of this involved sharing sensitive info with her), who to develop relationships with, general career advice. We've drifted apart a lot over the last 6 months or so, no real reason besides schedules and moving desks.
I haven't heard from the husband yet. I'm assuming (hoping) I won't.
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) double-posted this 15 years ago, 1 hour later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #20,963
@20,876 (totoforhire !!Phkn/3Gic)
I'm not sure what her husband knows. Nor do I know what others at the office think. She's just been hanging out with the other guy a lot, lots of furtive conversations, etc. I can't be the only one who's noticed, though.
She met her husband at the office. And he was married at that time. I can understand his suspicion.
I feel I owe her a lot. Just not this much.
I'm not sure what her husband knows. Nor do I know what others at the office think. She's just been hanging out with the other guy a lot, lots of furtive conversations, etc. I can't be the only one who's noticed, though.
She met her husband at the office. And he was married at that time. I can understand his suspicion.
I feel I owe her a lot. Just not this much.
The Editor !nKs3AbhqKc joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #20,964
Tell her no. If she tries to blackmail you into it, call her a ballsface.
AC !tyLmN8C16E joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 35 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,011
lol
Tell the husband. Tell HR.
They can all fuck off.
Tell the husband. Tell HR.
They can all fuck off.
The Continental !!+bfOgzYS+ joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 10 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,026
I would just tell her that you do not feel comfortable entering into a web of lies and leave it at that. If he calls you, just say something like, "I think you should sort it out with her. I do not like to get involved in other people's relationships."
Anonymous S joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 27 minutes later, 7 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,070
@21,011 (AC !tyLmN8C16E)
I might not tell the husband but definitely tell HR. This IS a business ethics problem she is using a work email account for private purposes.
I might not tell the husband but definitely tell HR. This IS a business ethics problem she is using a work email account for private purposes.
Anonymous T joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 hour later, 9 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,224
Lie to the husband so you can score points for a pay raise. Hey, he's a cheater, only fair that he gets cheated on in return...
AC !tyLmN8C16E replied with this 15 years ago, 33 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,304
Anonymous T replied with this 15 years ago, 4 minutes later, 9 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,312
@previous (AC !tyLmN8C16E)
The truth will lead to pain. If she has this affair and he never finds out about it, he's not hurt. If he's told, they may get divorced.
The truth will lead to pain. If she has this affair and he never finds out about it, he's not hurt. If he's told, they may get divorced.
AC !tyLmN8C16E replied with this 15 years ago, 14 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,333
Anonymous T replied with this 15 years ago, 55 seconds later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,335
Anonymous T double-posted this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,338
@21,333 (AC !tyLmN8C16E)
Knowing isn't going to help anyone. It's the same reason doctors never mention anything when a wife's husband can't possibly be the father of her child.
Knowing isn't going to help anyone. It's the same reason doctors never mention anything when a wife's husband can't possibly be the father of her child.
AC !tyLmN8C16E replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,339
@previous (T)
@21,335 (T)
Hrmm, decent points.
I just appreciate the truth. I don’t hide anything from people close to me, and they often share things with me. It’s a two-way street, you might say.
@21,335 (T)
Hrmm, decent points.
I just appreciate the truth. I don’t hide anything from people close to me, and they often share things with me. It’s a two-way street, you might say.
(Edited 33 seconds later.)
Anonymous T replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,342
@previous (AC !tyLmN8C16E)
Would you appreciate it if a stranger called you up and told you that your wife is committing infidelity?
Or, suppose you've been fatally wounded and will be dead in minutes. Wouldn't you want someone to tell you it's all going to be okay?
Would you appreciate it if a stranger called you up and told you that your wife is committing infidelity?
Or, suppose you've been fatally wounded and will be dead in minutes. Wouldn't you want someone to tell you it's all going to be okay?
(Edited 2 minutes later.)
Anonymous U joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 40 minutes later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #21,428
Sounds like she needs a good, hard, spanking.
Anonymous T replied with this 15 years ago, 23 hours later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #23,094
What did you decide to do, OP?
Anonymous V joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 46 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^] [v] #23,253
The truth will set you free.
cccuuunnttt !nIGga.SL0w (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 1 day later, 3 days after the original post[^] [v] #25,664
@23,094 (T)
http://bunker.minichan.org/topic/1277#reply_24743
Told her I wouldn't do it, and she was okay with that. I don't buy her excuse but am staying out of it as much as possible.
Husband never called me.
http://bunker.minichan.org/topic/1277#reply_24743
Told her I wouldn't do it, and she was okay with that. I don't buy her excuse but am staying out of it as much as possible.
Husband never called me.