Anonymous A started this discussion 3 years ago#108,140
Folks please forgive me being so absent these many months. I do not recall the last time I posted..(sigh) it's been that long. But..I have been reading when time permits. Anyways...on to the topic. To give some background I have been remodeling this old 1970 s.w. for about the last 23 years..give or take a few years. Seems we rebuild/improve/update them constantly..eh! :) The master bedroom is done..the livingroom is done! The kitchen is within' a cats-whisker of being done! For the past 18 months I have gone without any kitchen. No cabinets, no countertops, no stove, no sink and practically no floor. But I am a survivor. A pair of saw-horses and an old door became my table. I washed dishes every day in the bathtub in a bucket and cooked on an old gas-grill and an electric skillet. I larned to walk on the floor-stringers when the old floor was torn out..right now I could prob'ly hang by my toes from tree-branches if need be! HAW!HAW!HAW! Somewhere along the way I met a friend to advise me and counsel me on my work. Her name is Carol. Being just a mere mortal man I have no idea of "color co-ordination" or style. She is a gifted interior designer. And we worked out an agreement. She would advise me how to furnish and finish my home....I, in turn would cook her meals as I have some talent in the kitchen. The other side of this is that I must never question her judgement and obey her orders without question. HARRUMPH! Wimminfolks..grrrr...! Anyways...this past weekend a package arrived on my porch. New curtains for the kitchen..an iron..and a can of spray-starch. Folks..that's when The Trouble began. I am not a great "ironer'! Ahhh yes... sigh! I opened up the package yonder and knew well how the curtain rods must be placed. That took about 2 minutes. Snatched up the new curtains and made ready to string them on the rods..and then noticed the large attached note to "IRON THE CURTAINS BEFORE HANGING!" My first responce was.."What-the %$#*!....iron the curtains?" Folks..the last curtains in this kitchen lasted 20+ years till they rotted off the curtain rods! Never got ironed! The new SpongeBob beach-towels/aka curtains held up with re-bar and eye-bolts matched perfectly with my decor! Now I have to iron new curtains???? I unpacked the iron...(best to not anger The Decorator) and promptly got lost in the instruction manual. Tossed the manual ..it appears to be written in Spanish and French. "She" can read this gobbly-de-gook...I can't! She speaks at least 4 languages...Spanish, French, American and....Wimminfolks. (sighhhh...) So I did the next best thing...I called my Mom..at 7a.m. in the morning! Folks...I'm 51....my Mom says she's still 39.....until you call her at 7a.m.! It was not a pleasent conversation. "How stoopid are you?...Do you know what time it is?...Set the iron on the synthetic setting otherwise you'll burn the $#&%! curtains on account of you're a male...I changed your diapers enough to know this little..tiny..fact!"..she growled! Thanks Mom...Love ya! Hmmmm? I have no ironing board! Sooo...I flop the new curtains down on the kitchen table and figger it out. #1...do not iron directly ON the kitchen table. It makes the wood curl up. #2...lay down a towel on top of the table to prevent burns. #3..do not lay the iron on the towel and "go get a beer and see whats on The Outdoor Channel!" #4...great quantities of smoke are hard to get rid of in the wintertime without using great quantities of expensive K-1 kerosene to compensate for open windows and doors! #5..let your local Fire Company know that you are only ironing curtains! #6..spray starch sticks to everything. Kitchen tables, floors, irons, windows, walls and doors. And the errant feral cat that wanders by at an inoppetune moment suddenly has a hair-doo from h++l! And Folks...I ain't done yet. Mind ye..this is just a tiny peek into my life! More to come....