Anonymous A started this discussion 3 years ago#107,157
It's been several months but it still feels wrong to not text them about all the random things that happen in my day, and to not receive the same kind of texts from them. We were so close for years and then suddenly no contact. I don't exactly miss this person, there is a reason we are no longer friends. But I miss that connection, and I miss the good times we shared together. I worry I will never again be that close with someone. It sucks. I'm sad and alone. Thanks for reading my blog.
Anonymous D replied with this 3 years ago, 35 minutes later, 3 hours after the original post[^][v]#1,203,201
@previous (C)
Just weird that you would bring up an obvious reference to a poster here in a thread that has nothing to do with him. Is there a word for that?
Anonymous D replied with this 3 years ago, 26 minutes later, 4 hours after the original post[^][v]#1,203,208
@previous (C)
Your post is an obvious reference to Matt. He is the only poster here in his 50s who put spikes on his leather jacket. Don't play dumb. In a thread that has nothing to do with him, you made it about him. The English word for that is "obsession".
Anonymous C replied with this 3 years ago, 1 minute later, 4 hours after the original post[^][v]#1,203,209
@previous (D)
Who said anything about Matt? Is putting spikes in a jacket bedazzling a jacket? Not everything is about Matt, please stop trying to derail this tread.
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 3 years ago, 1 hour later, 2 days after the original post[^][v]#1,203,637
@previous (F)
The specifics aren't important. I have no desire to forgive her after what she did, and I'm sure she has no desire to forgive me after what I did.
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 3 years ago, 7 minutes later, 2 days after the original post[^][v]#1,203,757
@previous (Kook !!rcSrAtaAC)
I said a lot of nasty things, pretty much threw every negative thing she's ever said or done back in her face and insinuated that she exaggerates/fakes her mental illness for sympathy because she lacks a personality to keep people around any other way. I mainly regret that last part. I was really hurt and angry but I think that was too far.
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 3 years ago, 4 months later, 4 months after the original post[^][v]#1,224,397
I still think about this every single day. Some days like when I made this thread it makes me sad. Some days it makes me glad. Some days like today, it makes me angry. So very irrationally angry. I want to stop thinking about this and get on with my life but for some reason I can't.
> I still think about this every single day. Some days like when I made this thread it makes me sad. Some days it makes me glad. Some days like today, it makes me angry. So very irrationally angry. I want to stop thinking about this and get on with my life but for some reason I can't.
spectacles joined in and replied with this 3 years ago, 2 hours later, 4 months after the original post[^][v]#1,224,402
@1,224,397 (A)
Well, you haven't said what they did that made you feel the need to be cruel to them. You certainly don't owe anyone here an explanation, and probably it's best to not bother since it changes nothing, won't make you feel better, and you resolved things by hurting a friend. Whatever they did was either intentionally to hurt you, or it wasn't meant to have anything to do with you, or it was careless to do something with that consequence. What you did was intentional, meant only to make YOU feel better, and it was careless.
You have 2 choices. You can either admit to yourself that you chose to hurt someone you cared about, who you don't exactly miss, and have reason to not miss them, and come to terms with the fact that this is STILL just about you, and you have a problem and need to get your head right. It doesn't sound rational to feel that range of emotion over someone it sounds like you maybe even only knew remotely. But it certainly sounds like you have a hard time keeping your emotions in check if this is about someone actually important and actually present in your life and actually someone you knew and understood to struggle with mental issues. Tbh, it sounds like you projected your own feelings of self onto someone else and could stand to take your own words to heart and learn from your mistakes. But you have to figure out what was truthful, you're not being open about everything here, you're being concealing. And that's your own business. So that's option 1. Figure out your problem by being sincere and truthful with yourself, owning your actions, and being mindful of that going forward and don't keep fucking up your relationships with important people in your life. And that's how you get it out of your head, by thinking about it, actually understanding it, and putting that behavior and rationale and justifications out of your mind.
Or, you let your mind wander aimlessly jumping from irrational thought to whatever mood you're in and lashing out at people without knowing why and causing hurt to others and grief for yourself and then trying to apologize and fix things (which is what you're on track for, a half assed apology that misses the point entirely) and probably just end up doing it again IF the are even willing to communicate at all, which they may not, and if they don't you're very likely to use that as an excuse to lash out further and keep on trying to wound them to force a response.
And maybe they missed all of that and come home to a phone filled with reasons to be glad they missed the whole episode. And they see you go from nice to irrationally angry because they were out to lunch and forgot their phone at work and don't get it until a day later.
There' s really no third option.
Either unserstnad yourself, honestly, and fix your shit and actually do it, or you don't and never will until you do.
But, I suggest the first option so IF they choose to reach out and you'd actually want that you'll be in a good way for them to find you and maybe something good comes from that for you -but at least you'll get over it and move on with your life no matter what they do.
Because it doesn't matter what they do. Ever again as far as your life goes. You burned a bridge. They are gone from your world probably forever. And that's not up to you. So, just figure out if you're responsible for having ensured that. And fix it for everyone else you'll do that to if you don't.
And, frankly if that doesn't sound like a reasonable interpretation and you don't have to look inward and find the root of your problem in yourself and yank it out and grow something healthier and better, then you're kinda just going to have to suck it up and recognize that you probably didn't care about them in the first place and you threw it away when you stopped getting what you want out of having that relationship.
But, probably either way this is a you problem not a them problem, and the quicker you can stop basing your daily mood around a ghost from your past the better. They make shitty personalities to wrap around yourself. Fix your own and wear it because it's yours.
But, I could be wrong and have a bad read on this and none of this applies to your situation and I figure you'll let me know and dismiss it. And I'll say, that's fine too. Ultimately it's your problem to handle and that's none of my business. Good luck though, I'm sure it sucks going through that and it's hard to deal with so I hope you work things out and find some peace with it. Gnight.