Topic: Minichanfic Reboot: The Philosopher's Boner
Green !StaYqkzUPc started this discussion 2.8 years ago #105,634
Green !StaYqkzUPc (OP) double-posted this 2.8 years ago, 22 minutes later[^] [v] #1,186,783
Prologue
Kimmo Alm sat in his chair getting furious, "these psychotic fucktards are ruining the best site on the entire internet with their unauthorised clones!" Kimmo smashed his fist on the desk. Suddenly he heard a commotion outside. "Pshocotoc focktards" shouted a voice. Kimmo opened the door. "Who are you?" he queried. "O om Kommo Olm. O come from a parellol oniverse whoro onontalk is soccessful!" Kommo then shot Kimmo. "Haha, now I can take Kimmo's place and speak normally". Kimmo took a stone out of his pocket, it were a timestone. Suddenly to4str jumped out of the timstone. "Now to implement my master plan, we will travel through time gathering the greatest villains of minichan and tinychan and take down the unauthorised clones once and for all...
Kimmo Alm sat in his chair getting furious, "these psychotic fucktards are ruining the best site on the entire internet with their unauthorised clones!" Kimmo smashed his fist on the desk. Suddenly he heard a commotion outside. "Pshocotoc focktards" shouted a voice. Kimmo opened the door. "Who are you?" he queried. "O om Kommo Olm. O come from a parellol oniverse whoro onontalk is soccessful!" Kommo then shot Kimmo. "Haha, now I can take Kimmo's place and speak normally". Kimmo took a stone out of his pocket, it were a timestone. Suddenly to4str jumped out of the timstone. "Now to implement my master plan, we will travel through time gathering the greatest villains of minichan and tinychan and take down the unauthorised clones once and for all...
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU joined in and replied with this 2.7 years ago, 4 days later, 4 days after the original post[^] [v] #1,187,471
BUMP. The legendary tale begins anew.
Green !StaYqkzUPc (OP) replied with this 2.7 years ago, 1 day later, 5 days after the original post[^] [v] #1,188,121
Falco whipped out his 10 inch penis and Green new he was in for a treat. "Get the dog suit" Green exclaimed as he was stroking his 12 inch penis. "You are the manliest man I know Falco".
"Pooped my pant hasn't yours?". Falco replied. Green winked. "Poopy pants time". Falco unleashed his anus and let out wet, sloppy shit. "All lubed up". Falco could barely contain his pleasure as Green entered him. Green straddled the Falco, an adonis of a man. "Am cum Green". Falco screamed in ecstasy. Green had the stamina of a stallion. "Am cum Falco" Green shouted in pleasure. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door...
"Pooped my pant hasn't yours?". Falco replied. Green winked. "Poopy pants time". Falco unleashed his anus and let out wet, sloppy shit. "All lubed up". Falco could barely contain his pleasure as Green entered him. Green straddled the Falco, an adonis of a man. "Am cum Green". Falco screamed in ecstasy. Green had the stamina of a stallion. "Am cum Falco" Green shouted in pleasure. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door...
Green !StaYqkzUPc (OP) double-posted this 2.7 years ago, 11 minutes later, 6 days after the original post[^] [v] #1,188,124
Chapter 12.
Falco peeped through the peephole. "Green, it's to4stu!". Green was aghast "I thought it would be Becku". To4str crashed his car through the door then briefly stopped to paint his brake calipers. "I have been sent to the past using the power of gay science!" said to4str. To4str then pulled out a lazer and tried to shoot at Green but Falco did jumping and take the lazer beam. But suddenly there were a choir boys walking down the road which distracted to4str and Green and Falco escape! Green lied Falco on the ground. "I am die" said Falco. "No" replied GREEN. Falco clasped Green's hand, "you must build a cider cyndicate and find a meth farmer called Ks. It is the only way". "Poopy pant time" cried Green. "Falco gasped one final breath" "I love you Green. Smoke weed everyday!" then he dead...
Falco peeped through the peephole. "Green, it's to4stu!". Green was aghast "I thought it would be Becku". To4str crashed his car through the door then briefly stopped to paint his brake calipers. "I have been sent to the past using the power of gay science!" said to4str. To4str then pulled out a lazer and tried to shoot at Green but Falco did jumping and take the lazer beam. But suddenly there were a choir boys walking down the road which distracted to4str and Green and Falco escape! Green lied Falco on the ground. "I am die" said Falco. "No" replied GREEN. Falco clasped Green's hand, "you must build a cider cyndicate and find a meth farmer called Ks. It is the only way". "Poopy pant time" cried Green. "Falco gasped one final breath" "I love you Green. Smoke weed everyday!" then he dead...
dw !p9hU6ckyqw joined in and replied with this 2.7 years ago, 2 weeks later, 3 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #1,191,806
Bump
Anonymous D joined in and replied with this 2.7 years ago, 4 minutes later, 3 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #1,191,807
Green !StaYqkzUPc (OP) replied with this 2.7 years ago, 5 days later, 3 weeks after the original post[^] [v] #1,192,857
Postmortem was down to 96 cigarettes. This was an emergency! He rushed to the store, lighting up as he did. When a mysterious cloaked figure threw a piece of paper at him and disappeared. Postmortem opened it up and saw the letter 'h'. He immediately summoned his tulpa and broke her hand. But suddenly his tulpa turned into Andrew Tate and slapped the cigarette out of his hand "breathe air!" he shouted. Then there was a chortle. "Like my hologram?" inquired a mysterious figure. Postmortem flabbergasted! "Ks, is that you?". Chortles. "No, I am sK and travel back in past, fuck you do right wrong!'''
Green !StaYqkzUPc (OP) double-posted this 2.3 years ago, 4 months later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,216,745
dreamworks was running through a field of tulips. Suddenly he heard an ice cream van. "Mmmm, goobenlicken!" said dreamworks. He ran up to the ice cream van. "One goobenlicken blueberry" said dreamworks ecstatically. The ice cream man laughed, "coming right up. By the way, do you like lazers?" suddenly the man shot a Lazer at dreamworks. "Du est ein wimlyman?" asked dreamworks. "Nein" said the man, "ich bin t0st4r". dreamworks clapped from the laser collapsed from the laser. "Ich bin gay lol" he said and to4str put him in his van
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 2.3 years ago, 3 hours later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,216,753
@previous (Green !StaYqkzUPc)
The scary thing about this is it seems so real. You've captured the essence of dw perfectly.
The scary thing about this is it seems so real. You've captured the essence of dw perfectly.
Killer Lettuce🌹 !HonkUK.BIE joined in and replied with this 2.3 years ago, 7 minutes later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,216,758
@1,216,745 (Green !StaYqkzUPc)
Hahaha. This is exactly how dw acts. A very, very nicely written piece of Minichanfic.
Hahaha. This is exactly how dw acts. A very, very nicely written piece of Minichanfic.
Killer Lettuce🌹 !HonkUK.BIE double-posted this 2.3 years ago, 4 minutes later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,216,759
"Mmmm, goobenlicken!" said dreamworks. He ran up to the ice cream van.
Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 2.3 years ago, 5 hours later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,216,775
tldr
Anonymous G joined in and replied with this 2.3 years ago, 4 hours later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,216,825
Anonymous H joined in and replied with this 2.3 years ago, 9 minutes later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,216,826
I remember Kimmo Alm. I was like 15yo at the time and lonely and I wanted a pal, he quite literally had a website named iwantapal.com or .net or .something i went there and you'd see all these weird men talking about how underaged girls were secretly desperate for sex from them. That pedo logic has never made sense to me, if little girls are horny for guys then they would want to do it with cute guys their own age, not settle for ugly pedo men who probably smell really bad and stay on the computer all day and are in their 30s
Anonymous F replied with this 2.3 years ago, 28 minutes later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,216,830
@previous (H)
lol. did you find iwantapal first then anontalk?
I feel like once Kimmo got desperate enough to make iwantapal, the activity on his site was almost literally 100% trolls (including a lot of the pedo stuff). Seeing that spread over to iwantapal was not and is not a surprise lol
lol. did you find iwantapal first then anontalk?
I feel like once Kimmo got desperate enough to make iwantapal, the activity on his site was almost literally 100% trolls (including a lot of the pedo stuff). Seeing that spread over to iwantapal was not and is not a surprise lol
boof joined in and replied with this 2.3 years ago, 1 hour later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,216,833
@1,216,826 (H)
> I remember Kimmo Alm. I was like 15yo at the time and lonely and I wanted a pal, he quite literally had a website named iwantapal.com or .net or .something i went there and you'd see all these weird men talking about how underaged girls were secretly desperate for sex from them. That pedo logic has never made sense to me, if little girls are horny for guys then they would want to do it with cute guys their own age, not settle for ugly pedo men who probably smell really bad and stay on the computer all day and are in their 30s
did you ever go to school? I don't know what you saw, but these whores were always fucking some asshole not our age
> I remember Kimmo Alm. I was like 15yo at the time and lonely and I wanted a pal, he quite literally had a website named iwantapal.com or .net or .something i went there and you'd see all these weird men talking about how underaged girls were secretly desperate for sex from them. That pedo logic has never made sense to me, if little girls are horny for guys then they would want to do it with cute guys their own age, not settle for ugly pedo men who probably smell really bad and stay on the computer all day and are in their 30s
did you ever go to school? I don't know what you saw, but these whores were always fucking some asshole not our age
Green !StaYqkzUPc (OP) replied with this 2.3 years ago, 2 days later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,217,025
r04r was at her desk near a windmill, administering the world's greatest unauthorized clone and coding. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. r04r opened and was shock, "Kimmo!" she shouted, "what you doing?". Kimmo laughed, I have killed Jan and the tinychan, now time for minichan and all unauthorized clones to die ". Kimmo pulled out a ray and shot r04r, with a moon ray teleporting her to the moon. t04str walked in, high on ketamine, "what now boss?". Kimmo sat down on r04r's chair and lit a cigar. "Now we round up all the villains and destroy the psychotic fucktards and build a moonbeam to shrink the moon and I will have moonballs! minichan is finally dead! Guahahahahabah!!!!!"...
Green !StaYqkzUPc (OP) double-posted this 2.3 years ago, 44 seconds later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,217,026
3 years later
Killer Lettuce painted his World of Warcraft figurines as he tried to quell the murderous rage inside him, his life had lost all meaning after minichan went down. Suddenly, his victim shouted from the pit. Killer Lettuce walked up to the pit and chortled, "it rubs the pasty on it's skin or else it gets the hose again". His victim cried, "who are you?". Killer Lettuce exposed himself wearing a lettuce costume, "I am Killer Lettuce, would you like to hear about how Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, better known by his nicknames "Elagabalus" and Heliogabalus, was Roman emperor from 218 to 222, while he was still a teenager. His short reign was conspicuous for sex scandals and religious controversy. Wikipedia was the best Roman Emperor ever?". His victim cried, "no please just kill me"...
Killer Lettuce painted his World of Warcraft figurines as he tried to quell the murderous rage inside him, his life had lost all meaning after minichan went down. Suddenly, his victim shouted from the pit. Killer Lettuce walked up to the pit and chortled, "it rubs the pasty on it's skin or else it gets the hose again". His victim cried, "who are you?". Killer Lettuce exposed himself wearing a lettuce costume, "I am Killer Lettuce, would you like to hear about how Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, better known by his nicknames "Elagabalus" and Heliogabalus, was Roman emperor from 218 to 222, while he was still a teenager. His short reign was conspicuous for sex scandals and religious controversy. Wikipedia was the best Roman Emperor ever?". His victim cried, "no please just kill me"...
Killer Lettuce🌹 !HonkUK.BIE replied with this 2.3 years ago, 6 hours later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,217,041
@previous (Green !StaYqkzUPc)
This is amazing... It's just like me.
This is what makes the Minichanfics so legendary. Somehow, through the magic of writing, they're able to peer into the very souls of our users and turn that insight into high comedy.
This is amazing... It's just like me.
This is what makes the Minichanfics so legendary. Somehow, through the magic of writing, they're able to peer into the very souls of our users and turn that insight into high comedy.
(Edited 5 minutes later.)
Killer Lettuce🌹 !HonkUK.BIE double-posted this 2.3 years ago, 51 seconds later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,217,042
But seriously. If I ever did go crazy and keep someone in a pit, I probably would start telling my prisoner about Elagabalus. They might as well learn while they're in there.
Anonymous F replied with this 2.3 years ago, 3 hours later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,217,050
@1,217,041 (Killer Lettuce🌹 !HonkUK.BIE)
It isn't and it doesn't.
@previous (Killer Lettuce🌹 !HonkUK.BIE)
They wouldn't and you would be killed.
It isn't and it doesn't.
@previous (Killer Lettuce🌹 !HonkUK.BIE)
They wouldn't and you would be killed.
Killer Lettuce🌹 !HonkUK.BIE replied with this 2.3 years ago, 4 hours later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,217,110
Green !StaYqkzUPc (OP) replied with this 2.3 years ago, 8 hours later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,217,131
Ks woke up to the smell of his breakfast cooking, "boy, I sure do love meth!" he exclaimed. He picked up his crack pipe, "it is a fantastic day for meth!". He went to his caravan door to pick up his mail. He saw an ominous envelope, "Toto I don't think we're in Kansas anymore". He opened the letter, but all he could see were 5 empty boxes, "what could this mean?" he pondered...
Green !StaYqkzUPc (OP) double-posted this 2.3 years ago, 10 minutes later, 5 months after the original post[^] [v] #1,217,132
Green woke up and went to the kitchen and checked on the fermented apple juice he was turning into cider. Green smiled, "I'm glad Falco is dead!" he said non-chalantly as now he had time to focus on being the number one bootlegger cider runner in the country. But he saw a picture of Falco and did a tear for in his heart he really missed him. Green was looking into expanding his operations into America, but one thing stood in his way. A pesky meth dealer only known as KS and the hard-line FDA and DEA CEO known as Broseph. "I'll write this KS bloke a letter!" Green said, "then I'll need to find a bro!". Green opened his phone and browsed iwantabro which had renewed success after the demise of minichan. He found a bro that fit the bill. "I'm off to the Magic the Gathering tournament in London"...
Green !!bO/s3MBcD (OP) triple-posted this 1 month ago, 2.2 years later, 2.7 years after the original post[^] [v] #1,352,027
Green arrived at the Magic The Gathering convention in London. "Nerds!" he shouted, "I eat Nerds for breakfast" he winked as he opened a packet of Nerds and eat them.
"I'm here because I'm supposed to be at a tournament or some shit I can't remember because it seems like it took 2.2 years to get here because of timeline dilations or something because someone messed with the timeline. Anyway I'm looking for a guy named Fake anon" he said to one of the patrons. One of the patrons pointed at the corner to a based guy smoking weed and wearing sunglasses "you mean the Wordle wizard. Also there is a shower clause". Green shook his finger, "I've got a can of deodorant ".
Green approached Fake anon "are you the wiz?" he asked. Fake anon looked up from his phone, "this Wordle has me stumped" Green guffawed, "you like the Wordle, I do the Wordle every day. We need to win this tournament for some reason". Fake anon sighed, "it is a two player tournament and I was too busy banging your mom last night to get a partner". Green extended out his hand, "you have one now, Wordle Bro". The two shook hands and prepared for the tournament. Up the ranks they rose. Laying their cards on the table and owning the noobs.
"The final match is upon us" said Fake anon, "the opponents we must face are...they call them Killer Lettuce and Bobby2Sox".
All the players sat round the table. Green and Fake anon played there best cards, but it was too much. Killer Lettuce and Bobby2Sox were too skilled. "Don't worry" Green winked at "Fake anon" I have an ace up my sleeve".
Green pulled out and put down a shiny Charizard Pokémon card. Fake anon clapped his hands and jumped up for joy "we did it! We've won". Killer Lettuce was as apoplectic as an avocado, "this is an outrage! You can't put down a Pokemon's card!!". Fake anon shook his yarmulke, "wrong, shiny Charizard can beat any Magic the Gathering cards because it's so awesome, it's in the rules". Killer Lettuce conceded defeat and cried into a pasty. "Also" said Fake anon "we have reason to believe that Bobby2Sox is not a wee British schoolboy"...
"I'm here because I'm supposed to be at a tournament or some shit I can't remember because it seems like it took 2.2 years to get here because of timeline dilations or something because someone messed with the timeline. Anyway I'm looking for a guy named Fake anon" he said to one of the patrons. One of the patrons pointed at the corner to a based guy smoking weed and wearing sunglasses "you mean the Wordle wizard. Also there is a shower clause". Green shook his finger, "I've got a can of deodorant ".
Green approached Fake anon "are you the wiz?" he asked. Fake anon looked up from his phone, "this Wordle has me stumped" Green guffawed, "you like the Wordle, I do the Wordle every day. We need to win this tournament for some reason". Fake anon sighed, "it is a two player tournament and I was too busy banging your mom last night to get a partner". Green extended out his hand, "you have one now, Wordle Bro". The two shook hands and prepared for the tournament. Up the ranks they rose. Laying their cards on the table and owning the noobs.
"The final match is upon us" said Fake anon, "the opponents we must face are...they call them Killer Lettuce and Bobby2Sox".
All the players sat round the table. Green and Fake anon played there best cards, but it was too much. Killer Lettuce and Bobby2Sox were too skilled. "Don't worry" Green winked at "Fake anon" I have an ace up my sleeve".
Green pulled out and put down a shiny Charizard Pokémon card. Fake anon clapped his hands and jumped up for joy "we did it! We've won". Killer Lettuce was as apoplectic as an avocado, "this is an outrage! You can't put down a Pokemon's card!!". Fake anon shook his yarmulke, "wrong, shiny Charizard can beat any Magic the Gathering cards because it's so awesome, it's in the rules". Killer Lettuce conceded defeat and cried into a pasty. "Also" said Fake anon "we have reason to believe that Bobby2Sox is not a wee British schoolboy"...
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 1 month ago, 1 day later, 2.7 years after the original post[^] [v] #1,352,413
Wow I missed this sorry!! This is incredibly accurately written. Sometimes I felt that it wasn't fiction and was actually something I did but forgot about!
Killer Lettuce🌹 !HonkUK.BIE replied with this 1 month ago, 29 minutes later, 2.7 years after the original post[^] [v] #1,352,417
Green !!bO/s3MBcD (OP) replied with this 3 weeks ago, 1 week later, 2.7 years after the original post[^] [v] #1,354,131
Fake anon ripped off bobby2sox's wig. "He is not a wee British schoolboy, he is none other than TGComix!".
"Fistfucked!" screeched TG. Killer Lettuce was distraught, "this trick me, having a Cornish pasty" he said as he opened a real Cornish pasty not that Ginsters shite.
"What is your plan?" asked Green. TG cackled like a hyena, "Kimmo has fistfucked Strokeface and his legion of faggots on TC :) now he will shrink the moon and turn it into a moonball, destroy the minichan resistance and and rule the world! :) :)"
"So what!" said Fake anon, "we'll just build another moon as it is a satellite".
TG wagged his finger "there is no need to be upset. Seems I have really riled you up :) also he is planning to destroy every copy of Skyrim ever made! Even as we speak he and a game developer friend are coming coding a virus that makes Alduin turn into a chicken and makes the game unplayable! When you see Kimmo, tell him you were fistfucked by TG :) :) :)"
Green and Killer Lettuce flipped thr table. "You minster!" said green, "Skyrim is one of the best games of all time!" shouted Green.
"I don't have time for this I have to bang some hose" said Fake anon. TG then threw a smoke bomb and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
"We need to get to Sweden and stop Kimmo" said Green, "the quickest way to Sweden is through China. There we can pick up an old friend"...
"Fistfucked!" screeched TG. Killer Lettuce was distraught, "this trick me, having a Cornish pasty" he said as he opened a real Cornish pasty not that Ginsters shite.
"What is your plan?" asked Green. TG cackled like a hyena, "Kimmo has fistfucked Strokeface and his legion of faggots on TC :) now he will shrink the moon and turn it into a moonball, destroy the minichan resistance and and rule the world! :) :)"
"So what!" said Fake anon, "we'll just build another moon as it is a satellite".
TG wagged his finger "there is no need to be upset. Seems I have really riled you up :) also he is planning to destroy every copy of Skyrim ever made! Even as we speak he and a game developer friend are coming coding a virus that makes Alduin turn into a chicken and makes the game unplayable! When you see Kimmo, tell him you were fistfucked by TG :) :) :)"
Green and Killer Lettuce flipped thr table. "You minster!" said green, "Skyrim is one of the best games of all time!" shouted Green.
"I don't have time for this I have to bang some hose" said Fake anon. TG then threw a smoke bomb and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
"We need to get to Sweden and stop Kimmo" said Green, "the quickest way to Sweden is through China. There we can pick up an old friend"...
Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU replied with this 6 days ago, 2 weeks later, 2.7 years after the original post[^] [v] #1,357,620
Sitting on the edge of my seat wondering how this story continues...
dw !p9hU6ckyqw replied with this 1 day ago, 4 days later, 2.8 years after the original post[^] [v] #1,358,806
