Topic: Am I being unreasonable?
Anonymous A started this discussion 15 years ago #1,014
I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. Our 2 year anniversary is actually next friday. Since our anniversary is coming up, my GF doesn't feel this valentines day is really important. She has to work, and has plans to go to dinner afterwards with a co-worker. She made the plans before she realized it was valentines day.
The problem is, I know she was dating this guy before we got together, but ended it when she found out he was married (I don't know his current situation, but Im sure its divorced because my GF found out about his marriage from his then wife. They were only dating for maybe 2 months though, and it wasnt serious.
I don't think she was honest in the way she brought it up. She mentioned that we had our anniversary coming up and it seemed silly to make a big deal out of valentines day when we could save that energy for the anniversary (we are going away for the weekend). I said that if she didn't want to go out for dinner and just wanted to take it easy that night, it was ok with me. I didn't need a silly holiday. I made it clear she shouldn't expect me to slack in sending her roses at work (which is how i first, and she puts it this way not me, won her heart.) She then told me how she had made plans for dinner because she will be working late. She told me up front who it was with. At first, I was kind of taken by surprise and I said it wasn't so big a deal I guess. It wasn't intentional. It wasn't like she was celebrating valentines day with him.
This was two days ago. Yesterday, I changed my mind and told her it was actually making me feel hurt. That rationally, I understand the situation and its probably just some jealousy thing because of who it is, but that I felt that she should be spending valentines day with me if she is with anyone. She then became kind of irate and went on about how they already have reservations, and its at this restauraunt she loves -- which is only having a valentine's dinner that night but its her favourite restaurant and she always goes there whenever she finishes a big shoot. When I mentioned that to my mom though, she started to act all weird and she started talking like she was already consoling me after a break-up.
The final nail in the coffin, is that she said she planned to go back her place that night. She has been living with me, and hasn't stayed a night at her place for weeks. She has to move some things out, and the moving things out isnt new. She has been putting it off because she doesnt want to deal with her roommate and her roommate will be gone that night and the next morning because she always goes away for valentines (sad future cat lady -- she goes to these woman's empowerment retreats. She once offered to have a threesome with us. That was the last time I ever saw her. She is pretty gross.) When I offered to meet her at her place and stay with her, she said that if I really wanted to it was ok in a way that meant no because she was kind of looking forward to having the place to herself one last time. Which I understand. It was her "dream house" when she was in college. She was renting it with her current roommate, and it went up for sale so she bought it. its a really great little place right in the city, but from a perspective of someone in college. My place is in a nicer area and is a much shorter commute to her job.
I told her that I did not want her to go to dinner with this guy alone. I offered to go, or I asked her to take a co-worker. I even inquired and the restaurant could easily make it a table for three (the hostess said they are accommodating to all types of relationships and mentioned that there were a few gay couples booked, which was kind of funny.) I know her one co-worker isn't doing anything and would love to go with her. She thinks I crossed a line calling the restaurant (i didnt even say a name, I just said I had a reservation for 2, and I knew it was a weird request given that the courses are specifically made for 2, but could the reservation be made for three). I didn't ask her friend, but her coworker if she was free. I know boundaries. She just has it all over her facebook her current status is "is there really no one with-out plans on monday? why don't we see a movie or something? not a day I want to be alone!" She is an attractive woman, i don't get why she is having such a hard time. Ive heard stories, but she always seemed like a nice person to me.
Am I being unreasonable? I trust her completely. I've told her it isn't a trust issue and it isn't her fault, but it is causing me some anxiety. Its the way the situation feels. I kind of backed down again, and apologized for being "possessive." I don't want her in a bad mood because I planned to propose next weekend. I know if this does become a fight, that it will be over once I take out the ring, but I am already a mess of nerves, and this just seems like the most obvious "Im cheating on you" situation. I believe her, but its just how the situation looks. She's been kind of distant in the bedroom the past few weeks. I didn't mention that to her, but its probably whats really causing the jealousy.
How should I fix this? Should I stand my ground or apologize? I was thinking of just sending her one of those singing valentines things at work. It would mortify her but also send the message to the guy that I exist.
She would probably find it hilarious too.
The problem is, I know she was dating this guy before we got together, but ended it when she found out he was married (I don't know his current situation, but Im sure its divorced because my GF found out about his marriage from his then wife. They were only dating for maybe 2 months though, and it wasnt serious.
I don't think she was honest in the way she brought it up. She mentioned that we had our anniversary coming up and it seemed silly to make a big deal out of valentines day when we could save that energy for the anniversary (we are going away for the weekend). I said that if she didn't want to go out for dinner and just wanted to take it easy that night, it was ok with me. I didn't need a silly holiday. I made it clear she shouldn't expect me to slack in sending her roses at work (which is how i first, and she puts it this way not me, won her heart.) She then told me how she had made plans for dinner because she will be working late. She told me up front who it was with. At first, I was kind of taken by surprise and I said it wasn't so big a deal I guess. It wasn't intentional. It wasn't like she was celebrating valentines day with him.
This was two days ago. Yesterday, I changed my mind and told her it was actually making me feel hurt. That rationally, I understand the situation and its probably just some jealousy thing because of who it is, but that I felt that she should be spending valentines day with me if she is with anyone. She then became kind of irate and went on about how they already have reservations, and its at this restauraunt she loves -- which is only having a valentine's dinner that night but its her favourite restaurant and she always goes there whenever she finishes a big shoot. When I mentioned that to my mom though, she started to act all weird and she started talking like she was already consoling me after a break-up.
The final nail in the coffin, is that she said she planned to go back her place that night. She has been living with me, and hasn't stayed a night at her place for weeks. She has to move some things out, and the moving things out isnt new. She has been putting it off because she doesnt want to deal with her roommate and her roommate will be gone that night and the next morning because she always goes away for valentines (sad future cat lady -- she goes to these woman's empowerment retreats. She once offered to have a threesome with us. That was the last time I ever saw her. She is pretty gross.) When I offered to meet her at her place and stay with her, she said that if I really wanted to it was ok in a way that meant no because she was kind of looking forward to having the place to herself one last time. Which I understand. It was her "dream house" when she was in college. She was renting it with her current roommate, and it went up for sale so she bought it. its a really great little place right in the city, but from a perspective of someone in college. My place is in a nicer area and is a much shorter commute to her job.
I told her that I did not want her to go to dinner with this guy alone. I offered to go, or I asked her to take a co-worker. I even inquired and the restaurant could easily make it a table for three (the hostess said they are accommodating to all types of relationships and mentioned that there were a few gay couples booked, which was kind of funny.) I know her one co-worker isn't doing anything and would love to go with her. She thinks I crossed a line calling the restaurant (i didnt even say a name, I just said I had a reservation for 2, and I knew it was a weird request given that the courses are specifically made for 2, but could the reservation be made for three). I didn't ask her friend, but her coworker if she was free. I know boundaries. She just has it all over her facebook her current status is "is there really no one with-out plans on monday? why don't we see a movie or something? not a day I want to be alone!" She is an attractive woman, i don't get why she is having such a hard time. Ive heard stories, but she always seemed like a nice person to me.
Am I being unreasonable? I trust her completely. I've told her it isn't a trust issue and it isn't her fault, but it is causing me some anxiety. Its the way the situation feels. I kind of backed down again, and apologized for being "possessive." I don't want her in a bad mood because I planned to propose next weekend. I know if this does become a fight, that it will be over once I take out the ring, but I am already a mess of nerves, and this just seems like the most obvious "Im cheating on you" situation. I believe her, but its just how the situation looks. She's been kind of distant in the bedroom the past few weeks. I didn't mention that to her, but its probably whats really causing the jealousy.
How should I fix this? Should I stand my ground or apologize? I was thinking of just sending her one of those singing valentines things at work. It would mortify her but also send the message to the guy that I exist.
She would probably find it hilarious too.
(Edited 7 minutes later.)
Mr Johnson !8RsxK0x1Jo joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 15 minutes later[^] [v] #19,399
mm, not sure if readBorn this Way !dLadyGAgAA joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 17 minutes later, 33 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #19,405
No, I don't think you're being unreasonable.
Anonymous A (OP) replied with this 15 years ago, 15 minutes later, 48 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #19,413
man, why the fuck did i write a book. i need to be higher when i do this shit.
Bobby2Sox !dinhUJfbqA joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 9 minutes later, 58 minutes after the original post[^] [v] #19,418
Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #19,420
Bobby2Sox !dinhUJfbqA replied with this 15 years ago, 5 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #19,426
Sh*t - sh*t
(Edited 5 minutes later.)
Nickalollyoff !Aw0s40dyqw joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #19,427
tl;dr
Anonymous H joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 12 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #19,428
You're not being unreasonable. She seems like she has no respect for your feelings. I'd never put a guy I cared about in the situation you're in.
GerK !SWvIfe9lJA joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 34 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #19,471
I read only a short bit of it and this is what I got
TL;DR: Guy wants to celebrate Valentines, girl has previous plans even though they've been together 2 years, her excuse for not wanting to celebrate, their anniversary is around that same time. Guy tells girl, then girl is bitch about it, she is distant in bed, and she becomes lesbian kinda (?) guys wonders "what do?" and asks Minichan.
TL;DR: Guy wants to celebrate Valentines, girl has previous plans even though they've been together 2 years, her excuse for not wanting to celebrate, their anniversary is around that same time. Guy tells girl, then girl is bitch about it, she is distant in bed, and she becomes lesbian kinda (?) guys wonders "what do?" and asks Minichan.
The Continental !!+bfOgzYS+ joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #19,475
I do not mean to be cruel, but to me, it is obvious. She wanted a night with that other guy, and they are both going back to her place to have sex. I am sorry to say that, friend. But, I know women, and it is pretty clear.
Anonymous K joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #19,480
GerK !SWvIfe9lJA replied with this 15 years ago, 45 seconds later, 1 hour after the original post[^] [v] #19,481
Nickalollyoff !Aw0s40dyqw replied with this 15 years ago, 23 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #19,506
yes or perhaps not
Broseph !!fxnDb+Ve4 joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 12 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #19,522
@19,428 (H)
This. I think you should tell her that if she doesn't want to do anything special for Valentines Day and wants to save the energy for the anniversary instead, that's fine, but you could at least spend Valentines Day together. You should tell her that posting about being alone on Valentines Day is crossing the line for you, emotionally. It really sounds like she's treating you like shit, and she needs to come forward with the whole story.
This. I think you should tell her that if she doesn't want to do anything special for Valentines Day and wants to save the energy for the anniversary instead, that's fine, but you could at least spend Valentines Day together. You should tell her that posting about being alone on Valentines Day is crossing the line for you, emotionally. It really sounds like she's treating you like shit, and she needs to come forward with the whole story.
Anonymous M joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 2 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #19,525
I agree with DM, dump that bitch. Does she have sex loudly? sneak up at her house and check if they have sex.
Deckard Cain !xhERPesk0k joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 5 minutes later, 2 hours after the original post[^] [v] #19,532
Sounds to me like only one of you is getting laid this valentine's day. Sorry man.
Unintentional Jackass !LASXURl1b6 joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 3 hours later, 5 hours after the original post[^] [v] #19,698
@19,471 (GerK !SWvIfe9lJA)
From this summary, nah... but if she's lesbian, say you accept her choices and will proudly be her dildo this Valentines day, if they're short one or something.
From this summary, nah... but if she's lesbian, say you accept her choices and will proudly be her dildo this Valentines day, if they're short one or something.
The Continental !!+bfOgzYS+ replied with this 15 years ago, 3 minutes later, 5 hours after the original post[^] [v] #19,708
Look at the big picture:
You are supposed to be her girlfriend. On Valentine's Day, she is having a romantic dinner with another guy. Then they are going back to her place.
You are supposed to be her girlfriend. On Valentine's Day, she is having a romantic dinner with another guy. Then they are going back to her place.
Anonymous P joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 42 minutes later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #19,760
Yeah...she is planning to have a date with this other guy and then fuck him. You are not being unreasonable.
She is a cunt for saying that whole spew about that resturant being her favorite and all that shit...as that was more important than your feelings.
If it was the food that was really the case, she wouldn't care that you mad reservations to go too.
if she really loved you, your feelings would come first, no matter what.
Everything is just waaaay too sketchy here...and the fact that this IS all happening on valentine's day.
Put the bitch in her place. Don't let her think she can get away with treating men like this...as she is attention whoring from both you and ex.
Break up with her first. Return the ring. Use money on a hooker.
She is a cunt for saying that whole spew about that resturant being her favorite and all that shit...as that was more important than your feelings.
If it was the food that was really the case, she wouldn't care that you mad reservations to go too.
if she really loved you, your feelings would come first, no matter what.
Everything is just waaaay too sketchy here...and the fact that this IS all happening on valentine's day.
Put the bitch in her place. Don't let her think she can get away with treating men like this...as she is attention whoring from both you and ex.
Break up with her first. Return the ring. Use money on a hooker.
Anonymous Q joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 1 minute later, 6 hours after the original post[^] [v] #19,763
i didn't read but I assume this is about your mother
totoforhire !!Phkn/3Gic joined in and replied with this 15 years ago, 4 hours later, 10 hours after the original post[^] [v] #20,196
(Citing a deleted or non-existent reply.)
Illiterate retard.
Illiterate retard.