Topic: I had an argument with my partner about his son and it's made me question our relationship...
Anonymous A started this discussion 5 years ago#101,078
Hi Reddit, a friend recommended I visit here because I think I could have fucked my relationship up and I need some perspective on where I go from here.
Basically me and my bf have been together for just over a year but have known each other for about 14 years - we were friends for a long time before we got together. We both have kids - I have a 22 year old daughter and he has a 20 year old son. We both had kids at a young age which we both bonded over.
However, my ex and I were together until my daughter was 8 but he's still in her life and a very active dad. My partner was married and widowed at 21 so he's been a single dad for a long time. We've both only dated Black people before our relationship do our kids are mixed race. This is very important. I've always classed myself as an activist and been very active in the black British community.
Because of my daughter's strong relationship with her dad, she identifies as Black even though she's biracial - very proud of her Jamaican heritage. She is very conscious of race. Even though my partner's son is technically mixed race too, he never talks about himself and I feel more identifies as white. He's very shy and not outgoing at all.
So with lockdown, we started living together so i suppose we had a chance to get to know each other's lives and family. Because I saw how shy his son is, I asked him if he wouldn't mind if my daughter takes his son under her wing and helps him come out of his shell a bit. He didn't mind.
Now he (the son)has no clue about his Black Heritage. He doesn't know any Black British figures, doesn't know about reggae or black British music (me and my daughter do) and has no black friends - they're all white or Indian. As my partner raised his son as a single dad, he only has a relationship with his family who are all white.
With what's been happening in America, my daughter is very active in the social justice area and invited him to go with her on protests and has been trying to get him to meet other black British kids she knows. He refused and said he wouldn't because his grandparents are vulnerable and as he's close to them he didn't want to expose them to risk (they're not that much in my opinion, they're just in their 60's and he doesn't live with them or anything).
Recently, she tried to set him up with a friend who's a black 21F. He refused and said he doesn't date black girls, he only dates white - he said black girls are too ghetto. It caused a major argument between him and her and she was really upset so vented to me and I said I'd have a word with my partner and see if he could talk to his son.
When I did, he laughed it off and said he's always been like that. It started a major argument and in anger, I told him he wasn't a good dad. He got very upset and told me I was a piece of shit. He's not talking to me at all.
Now here's where I'm confused. I do regret what I said - he's not a bad dad at all and has done a good job as a single dad but I do think I'm justified in where I'm coming from. I think he's dropped the ball with his parenting style and needs to talk to his son more about Race and shouldn't raise him just as white and try to get him to embrace who he is a bit more.
How do I approach the situation and get him to listen? Do I apologise?
Tldr: had an Argument with my partner about his son and parenting.
> > > I'm not reading past the first 2 words but you should have changed it from "Hi Reddit" to "Hi Minichan".
Anonymous F joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 35 seconds later, 47 minutes after the original post[^][v]#1,140,965
@1,140,959 (Fake anon !ZkUt8arUCU) @1,140,962 (tteh !MemesToDNA) @1,140,963 (D) @previous (chill dog !!81dzJNNYL)
These replies are absolutelySUPER! Totally agreed!
(Edited 21 seconds later.)
Bob joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 1 day later, 1 day after the original post[^][v]#1,141,334
I have trouble believing anything out of Relationship Advice. Many of the posts there are totally fake. However this doesn't sound particularly fake. Whatever. She insulted him (the father). Usually the suggestion is to break up. I don't think that is necessary, but it's obvious that this relationship is going nowhere
Sheila LaBoof joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 31 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^][v]#1,141,340
I had an argument with my partner about his son and it's made me question our relationship...
He wanted something called a three-way and I'm like, that's like two, four, six balls
Anonymous I joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 26 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^][v]#1,141,353
@previous (Sheila LaBoof)
You've got a lot of balls
Anonymous J joined in and replied with this 5 years ago, 50 minutes later, 1 day after the original post[^][v]#1,141,366
@previous (I)
Pretending to have balls is not the same thing as having balls...just so you know.