Topic: I've got a great idea for the new Twilight Zone series
Anonymous A started this discussion 7 years ago#84,107
Scene 1: New York City, Summer 1994.
A confident young man named Pat Piller living in the Bronx works as a short-order cook. He dreams of attending a university and becoming a world renowned chef. One day, he is invited by a coworker to sign up for a computer bulletin board service. Pat finds it mildly amusing to be able to chat with people across the country, but is quickly bored.
One Saturday night, he dials into the board and finds the profile of a middle-aged man in California named Ben Goldstone. Ben writes long, meandering paragraphs of text using vernacular that Pat doesn't understand. Pat sees others on the computer mock Ben for being old, accuse him of being senile, and interpret Ben's long posts of derring-do as an elaborate lie. Pat joins the others in mocking Ben.
Scene 2: Baltimore, Autumn 2004.
Pat Piller, now in his 30s, remains as a short-order cook. He still hopes to be a famous chef, but he has put his other aspirations on hold. His only entertainment outside of work is his computer and the bulletin board.
Pat frequently asks his younger coworkers to trade hours with him: he wants to log onto the bulletin board at the same time as Ben, so he can mock him in real time. Pat especially enjoys when people follow Ben Goldstone in real life and photograph him. Pat begins typing an itinerary for a trip to California.
Scene 3: Tampa, Winter 2014.
Pat Piller is the head cook at a country club. Now in his 40s, Pat works full time, has a strict schedule, and makes enough money to own a subcompact and rent a studio apartment on his own. Pat attends community college at night, still dreaming of becoming a master chef. However, Pat remains a member of the old computer bulletin board.
Pat approaches the administrative building in the country club with a written paid leave request. He submits it to his boss. Boss asks, "Vacation?" Pat responds: "Going to California." Handing over the written request, it's revealed that Pat is holding a thick folder, filled to the brim with photos, property records, and a family tree. The folder is labeled "BEN GOLDSTONE".
Scene 4: Biloxi, Spring 2024.
Pat Pille, wrinkled and in his 50s, works part time at a high school as a substitute English teacher. He supplements his income by working part time as a caterer for a nearby golf course. Occasionally, Pat can convince a golfer to hire him as a personal tutor. He has to keep his schedule flexible. The computer bulletin board still exists, and Pat has difficulty synchronizing his login times with his arch rival Ben Goldstone.
Sitting in a coffee shop, Pat pulls out a tablet computer and begins to tap-tap-tap on the on-screen keyboard. Two teenage boys nearby focus their eyes on Pat. The boys are recording video on their e-glasses, making mental notes on how to mock an old man using something as archaic as a tablet computer with a keyboard.
Pat notices the teenagers out of the corner of his eye. Fifteen years ago, he might have had the courage to confront the boys and scare them off. Today, Pat chooses to ignore them. He stands up and gets ready to leave the coffee shop when he looks into a large mirror on the wall. Pat stared hard into the reflection. He cannot believe what he has become: the face staring back at Pat is withered and droopy. For a brief moment, the face becomes that of his Internet enemy, Ben Goldstone!
Pat Piller turns away from the mirror, but the reflection remains staring straight forward. The reflection begins to laugh. The laugh gets louder and louder.
Anonymous E joined in and replied with this 7 years ago, 16 minutes later, 20 hours after the original post[^][v]#967,162
@OP
This is pretty good. I think we need to stretch it out into a three act structure though. Have you already started writing the concept up as a screenplay? I have some ideas on storyboarding it scene by scene. We could get some video guys to work out the shot details, but I have some great ideas for establishing shots and cut scenes that could add to background story and tension.
Anonymous E replied with this 7 years ago, 8 hours later, 4 days after the original post[^][v]#968,944
@previous (F)
Sure it is. This a is cautionary tale about letting an all-consuming obsession take over your life until that is all you are and all you live for. Eventually you become the thing you hate because hate has conquered you. It's a more introspective run at Moby Dick updated for the Internet age.